SWMR - Behavior issues

mae0111

My 3.5 yo has been behaving terribly lately.  Lots of screaming, tantrums, won't do anything she's asked to do.  For example, I took her and DD2 to the park on Saturday.  When we got there, a little boy was on something she wanted to use.  I told her she could wait until he was done, or go on something else and come back to that later. She threw herself on the ground, screaming and kicking.  I gave her another choice - pick something else to use or we would have to leave.  She kept screaming.  We left.

I've been explaining why we're leaving, or why she's in timeout, or why the iPad got taken away, etc., but she doesn't seem to get it.  I know she understands, but she ignores my explanations.  It's almost like she's playing the victim - telling people that she was put in timeout FOR NO REASON, etc.

DH, the nanny, and I are all consistent with our rules and consequences.  But things are getting worse.  She's had a lot of transition lately - new sister 3 months ago, new house a few weeks ago, I went back to work a week after we moved.  

Any advice about how to handle this?  Just suffer through and hope it gets better soon?

LoCarb

Continue to be consistent. Hopefully, the adjustment period/phase will end soon.

In addition to the choices I give a warning of a different kind.  Mommy is getting angry. Do you want mommy to be angry? The answer is always no. I follow up with what can you do, how can you change your behavior? I want DD to think for herself to resolve issues.

Also, if I see DD becoming frustrated from not getting her way I have had success (recently, it's new) asking her to throw away her grumpy/sad face in the trashcan and return with a smile. I used to be a Brownie Girlscout and there was a smile song we sing together. Google it. It's about finding a smile in your pocket; cute.

This doesn't always work but I know kids are receptive to 'new' ideas.  I'm eager to hear what others have to say for me to try too.

*sparky*

Her behavior is somewhat normal for her age.  That is also a lot of transition for a young child and she is going to have some difficulty with it.  Just be patient and consistent.  Also, make sure that other than the changes you have listed above, that you keep things as consistent with what she is used to as possible.  It sounds like her world has pretty much been turned upside down and she is trying to regain some control.

azuremama

Age 3 totally sucked in our house. There's a book out there called "Your 3 year old, friend or foe?" which pretty much sums it up! Be consistent. I also do a lot of ignoring entirely when behavior is bad. Too much talking is a waste. I also give the choice of "you can act like that in your room or you can be down here with us." DS will go up to his room, freak out, and then finally settle down and come down like nothing happened. Hang in there!

emberlee3

Wow, those are some big changes in a short period of time.  Just keep doing what you're doing.  Also, I would try to spend some one-on-one time with the older child.  Can your husband do the baby's bedtime routine, so you can spend time with your older child?  DH and I have found that we have to consciously rotate jobs with the kids, because DD prefers mommy and DS prefers daddy, and we have to combat their natural gravitational pulls

Virgo17

I think it is just a tough age in general.  Add to that all of the changes, and it's understandable why she is acting out a bit.  IMO, kids will exercise control over whatever they can.  Typically, that boils down to what they are eating and how they choose to behave.

When my DD gets into the tantrum "zone", there is no reasoning with her.  I typically choose to ignore it until she snaps out of it.  If she does something like hitting or throwing things, she goes in timeout.  

I also think kids have bad days just like we do.  They can be grumpy for no reason.  Just keep doing what you are doing with consistency and I'm sure it will pass.  That's a lot of change for her to deal with and she probably cannot verbalize that that is the issue. 

gingerfamily

In the playground instance, I would walk away. That way, she knows she's not getting my attention anymore since that is why she's most likely doing it. 

I ask DD to put her attitude away - it seems to work.  Sure, she still has outbursts but they are shorter. 

3 is definitely a challenge, hang in there!