dealing with disapproval

scurveecookie05

First post, so apologies if I mess this up. I'm a nurse working in OBGYN so I understand all the technicalities behind getting pregnant. What I'm having a hard time dealing with and understanding is all the disapproval my husband and I are getting from others when they find out about us about getting our "ducks in a row." I feel a lot of pressure from some for not already being pregnant and pressure from others to wait for a few years (which translates into when "they" approve) which my husband and I don't agree with. I think you can never be fully 100% prepared for having a baby, but I do believe that you can accomplish certain goals and prepare yourself as best as you can before making that decision to TTC. They seem to take more issue with the fact that we are discussing it (after a year of marriage) and not impressed that we are getting ready for it which involves discussing it. We aren't planning on starting for another 6 months with the understanding that they we may or may not get pregnant right away and are honest with ourselves that something may occur which causes us to re-evaluate our timing. I'm not on any kind of hormonal contraceptives because I cant take hormones so my husband and I take every precaution we can, but its not as much in our control as I know it is for women who are able to utilize BCP's. My in laws are the people who disapprove the most. To top it off I'm not the favorite daughter in law so I already feel sub par and criticized to begin with. Any thoughts or recommendations?

KLN1179

You are consenting adults who are married.  It's not anyone's business what you do in your bedroom.  Ignore them and go on about your business.  I personally did not tell anyone we were TTC for this reason.

bugandbibs

Do not discuss this with them. If they bring it up simply say you will let them know when there is something to share and drop it. Hang up the phone or leave the room if necessary. 

JemmaWRX

Ignore it.  Don't take it to heart.  I've been getting pressure since our wedding night (not kidding) to start having kids.  And while annoying, I can easily blow it off because other people's opinions have zero bearing on when I'm going to grow a baby inside of my uterus, push it out of my vagina, and spend a crap-load of money on diapers, daycare, etc.  Pressure or disapproval from other people is so inconsequential in our decision on when we're ready to start trying. 

TLDR - screw 'em.

proudworkingmom82

It's totally not their business when you TTC.  I wouldn't tell anyone.  I didn't tell my parents when EX H and I were TTC.  

TheMrsMurillo

It is no one's business but yours and your DH's. My DH and I conceived DD on our wedding night, a lot of people looked down on us for that. Not my problem, not their business. You will TTC when you and your H are ready.

muffin0512

First of all, welcome to the board! Second, the only people who can make the decision on when to have a baby are you and your DH! My DH and I have been getting pressured since even BEFORE our wedding about having kids. I totally understand how frustrating it can be. We want to be able to enjoy TTC and the whole pregnancy experience. We aren't going to enjoy it as much if we aren't ready for it. I am all for getting your "ducks in a row" before making this big decision that will change your life forever. Just keep your head up and don't let anyone make you feel bad about the choices you are making for YOUR LIFE!!

Mommy2Boys09

I wish we wouldn't have told anyone. Our first DS was a surprise baby. Our 2nd, I stopped BCP to see what happened I guess you could say. & now we're actually TTC and my family is so against it. Saying its unfair to my other 2 to have another? I don't get it. My in laws are very excited for us though. But its so stressful to have my family against it I just hope that they come around before we get that BFP. 

PunkyBooster

Who cares what everyone else thinks?

You need to get comfortable with yourself and your decisions. If you think the judgement is bad now, trust me, it is nothing compared to what comes once you have the baby.

Toughen up. You're a big girl.

55

I just wouldn't discuss it with them. You really don't need to discuss your finances or health with family and friends. When people comment on our sudden desire to pay down debt and eat healthier, we say something unrelated to babymaking but still true: "it was really bugging us to spend so much each month on student loan repayment" or "I just feel so much better when I'm eating healthy food."

 However, I know this all depends on your individual comfort level. One of my high school friends has told the whole world she is TTC, whereas other friends of mine started outright lying about their desire to have kids when they were TTC (which made me so freaking suspicious of them because all she had talked about for two years was wanting a baby and a bigger house!). 

michaelad3

I'm with you there.  We are not telling anyone pretty much for this exact reason.  Pretty much no one has pressured us to have children, and I'm trying to prepare myself for the disapproval and judgement now. My husband is still in school, and he has 2 more years to go.  We originally planned to wait until he was finished, but we just both feel like it's time, and we are ready.  We just bought and house and also had to get a new car since mine died, so we have definitely had some financial changes and struggles, but nothing is unmanageable. I just don't think there is a "right time" financially. Things could always be better. 

scurveecookie05

thank you so much for the sensitivity in which you answered my post.

scurveecookie05

I think the biggest reason is that my husband doesn't like not communicating with his parents about things that are going on in our lives. He grew up in that kind of a family and he doesn't want to upset them by not including them. I know it isn't a good reason. I know you are all right about it not being anyone else's decision but ours I guess I'm a little surprised that they were so against it.