Hosting Our Own Backyard Baby-Q

jhsdancer05

My hubby and I would like to host a Backyard Baby-Q as less of a shower and more of a way to 1) have people over to our "new" home (we've lived here for over two years, but haven't had a get-together yet and lots of our family and friends haven't seen our house) and 2) allow people who wouldn't be invited to a shower to be able to celebrate our upcoming arrival!

First, I want to know if it seems odd for us to be hosting this for ourselves. Secondly, I am NOT expecting anyone to bring a gift, but I know that people will want to especially since we will be providing all of the food and drinks. The question is - do we include our registry information on the invitations or not? I just don't want people to feel obligated to bring a gift, but I want the information available for those who choose to. 

moonflowers2013

I wouldn't, if they want to get you something they would probably ask if you have a registry. 

I feel that putting registry info on there would make it seem like a huge gift giving event, and people would think you just renamed baby shower.

sschwege

It is never OK to host your own shower and that is what you are doing.  

 

jhsdancer05

I think that's probably good advice and the way we were leaning anyway. We want it to be a get-together, not a "shower".

jhsdancer05

I appreciate your advice, but unless I'm calling it a shower and expecting gifts, I think this is more of a self-hosted get together for our family and friends.

sschwege

jhsdancer05:

I think that's probably good advice and the way we were leaning anyway. We want it to be a get-together, not a "shower".

I think having everyone over before the baby comes is a great idea.  Gives you a chance to see everyone before things get hectic, you can show everyone the nursery, etc.  But just invite people over for a regular old BBQ and call it a day  

KatFCo

I would make it very clear that you're not trying to host your own shower. Don't call it a "Baby-q," as that will put all the focus on the baby and lead people to think you're just trying to mask a shower inside a BBQ.

Definitely don't include your registry, because that would be a dead giveaway that this is intended to be a shower.

If you need a reason for a get-together, just say you wanted to have one last party where you're not focused on a baby. Or, just wait until the baby's born and have a meet the baby party.

Personally, I'd just have a party. Not everything that happens during pregnancy has to be about the pregnancy.

sschwege

jhsdancer05:

I appreciate your advice, but unless I'm calling it a shower and expecting gifts, I think this is more of a self-hosted get together for our family and friends.

Once you start talking about 'allowing people who wouldn't be invited to a shower to be able to celebrate our upcoming arrival' and entertain the idea of putting registry information on an invitation it appears to be less of a 'get together' and more of a shower.  When you have people over for the Super Bowl do you include registry information?  That's the distinction. 

KdgTeacher

jhsdancer05:

My hubby and I would like to host a Backyard Baby-Q as less of a shower and more of a way to 1) have people over to our "new" home (we've lived here for over two years, but haven't had a get-together yet and lots of our family and friends haven't seen our house) and 2) allow people who wouldn't be invited to a shower to be able to celebrate our upcoming arrival!

 

This is odd to me.  A shower celebrates the MTB and the upcoming arrival of baby....and that's what you want this to do too.

Sam Buttons

KatFCo:

I would make it very clear that you're not trying to host your own shower. Don't call it a "Babyq," as that will put all the focus on the baby and lead people to think you're just trying to mask a shower inside a BBQ. Definitely don't include your registry, because that would be a dead giveaway that this is intended to be a shower. If you need a reason for a gettogether, just say you wanted to have one last party where you're not focused on a baby. Or, just wait until the baby's born and have a meet the baby party. Personally, I'd just have a party. Not everything that happens during pregnancy has to be about the pregnancy.

This!
Just call it a get together or invite people over for a plain old BBQ. The second you add the baby in or start talking registries it turns shower no matter what you call it. If the point is together with friends then make it about that, not your baby

jhsdancer05

I can see that some are very passionate about this topic!

Just throwing it out there, but what about the couples that throw their own Gender Reveal parties? How is a Baby-Q any different?

I've come to the conclusion to not include the registry information on the invitations and will wait for those who want to give a gift to contact us - we're registering on Baby List so some people may have a difficult time finding it.

I like the idea of calling it a Baby-Q because it is an opportunity for friends and co-workers (who are not going to be invited to the two small showers that we're being given) to come and see us, the nursery, and our "new" home.

For me, it's about celebration and although this may seem "different" to some people, I still think our hearts are in the right place.

I am the furthest from "gift grabby" just trying to make it as less awkward as possible for our guests. 

Aurora317

jhsdancer05:

I appreciate your advice, but unless I'm calling it a shower and expecting gifts, I think this is more of a self-hosted get together for our family and friends.

If you include registry information, then regardless of what you label it, you're implying that gifts are expected, (and that it's more shower than BBQ.)

Have a BBQ, call it that, and don't include any registry info. 

sabriel1

jhsdancer05:

I can see that some are very passionate about this topic!

Just throwing it out there, but what about the couples that throw their own Gender Reveal parties? How is a Baby-Q any different?

I've come to the conclusion to not include the registry information on the invitations and will wait for those who want to give a gift to contact us - we're registering on Baby List so some people may have a difficult time finding it.

I like the idea of calling it a Baby-Q because it is an opportunity for friends and co-workers (who are not going to be invited to the two small showers that we're being given) to come and see us, the nursery, and our "new" home.

For me, it's about celebration and although this may seem "different" to some people, I still think our hearts are in the right place.

I am the furthest from "gift grabby" just trying to make it as less awkward as possible for our guests. 

If the bolded is your goal don't call it a Baby-Q... I would just make it a casual bbq and call it that. What is more awkward than guests not knowing whether they should bring a gift or not? And when they show up without one and other people brought one or the opposite then the guest will feel awkward as if they shouldn't have did what they did. If making your guests feel less awkward is your goal just don't make this event baby-centric and just call it a bbq.

Meery82

jhsdancer05:

I think that's probably good advice and the way we were leaning anyway. We want it to be a get-together, not a "shower".

If you put the registry info on the invite, it will be considered a shower. People will think it's an obligation to bring a gift. People will either ask you for your registry info or find it on their own. 

Nicolewinsbingo

I think you should just host the party as you described, but call it a back yard BBQ, not Baby-Q.  Provide food and drinks.  Let people see your new place.  And go ahead and glow and gush about your upcoming baby when the guest actually arrive.  Then your purposes of people seeing your house and celebrating your upcoming arrival are fulfilled, but its not a shower.  No gifts, no baby shower decor, no registry info.  (and no thank you cards!)  Just a fun summer party to celebrate with family.  I wouldn't send formal invites, just email people something like

"Hey everyone!  We are having a back yard BBQ on Saturday June 29th at 5pm!  Hope you all can make it!" 

amandarins

jhsdancer05:

I think that's probably good advice and the way we were leaning anyway. We want it to be a get-together, not a "shower".

Something called a "Baby-Q" while you're pregnant is in fact a baby shower. Since your target guest list are those who aren't invited to either of your 2 showers and you are including registry information, its a baby shower. Since you're posting on the Baby Shower board, its a baby shower.

Dont try to lure people to your home for a "casual BBQ" expecting them to bring baby gifts since you will provide the food. If you feel like people owe you something when you invite them to dinner, make it a pot luck. 

BallSox

jhsdancer05:

I appreciate your advice, but unless I'm calling it a shower and expecting gifts, I think this is more of a self-hosted get together for our family and friends.

You can call it whatever you want to help make you feel better, but if you make the baby at any point the focus/part of the focus (including putting registry information on it "just in case someone is curious, I mean, I know they will want to buy us stuff anyways, might as well make it easy for them!") of the event, it's no different than a shower.   

ShesBackAgain

jhsdancer05:

My hubby and I would like to host a Backyard Baby-Q as less of a shower and more of a way to 1) have people over to our "new" home (we've lived here for over two years, but haven't had a get-together yet and lots of our family and friends haven't seen our house) and 2) allow people who wouldn't be invited to a shower to be able to celebrate our upcoming arrival!

I'm going to translate this:

1.  We haven't had a get together in two years, and we are conveniently going to do it while I'm having a baby... and might mention a registry in case they are so inclined to bring something after waiting two years to be invited to the house.

2.  The people we didn't really like enough to invite to the "good" shower should still buy us something, so we should totally invite them over and pretend we want them here so we can get more stuff.  

mrsmcdonald

ShesBackAgain:

jhsdancer05:

My hubby and I would like to host a Backyard Baby-Q as less of a shower and more of a way to 1) have people over to our "new" home (we've lived here for over two years, but haven't had a get-together yet and lots of our family and friends haven't seen our house) and 2) allow people who wouldn't be invited to a shower to be able to celebrate our upcoming arrival!

I'm going to translate this:

1.  We haven't had a get together in two years, and we are conveniently going to do it while I'm having a baby... and might mention a registry in case they are so inclined to bring something after waiting two years to be invited to the house.

2.  The people we didn't really like enough to invite to the "good" shower should still buy us something, so we should totally invite them over and pretend we want them here so we can get more stuff.  

This is what I got from it too. I think you are being gift grabby, but trying to deny it. And I hate the term "babyq." It always make me think of babies being roasted like a pig.

golfingdarwinfish

The fact that what you are planning takes THIS much discussion and explanation means that it will likely cause confusion for your guests and be awkward.  Calling it a "Baby-Q" and targeting people that aren't invited to your other showers makes it look like you are just trying to assure that you tap 100% of your friends for attention and presents. Call it a summer BBQ, do not include registry information and call it a day.

You seriously want people to come over so you can show off your nursery?   Now you sound gift grabby and a bit self centered.  It's fine to show the nursery when you're giving a tour of your house, but to invite people with the intention for them to ooohh and awwww your nursery is a bit much.

ETA: I will say that friends of mine had a lobster bake before their LO arrived and the formal invitations did not mention the word baby once, even though they were throwing the party as their last hurrah pre-baby.

Liz4444

jhsdancer05:

I can see that some are very passionate about this topic!Just throwing it out there, but what about the couples that throw their own Gender Reveal parties? How is a BabyQ any different?I've come to the conclusion to not include the registry information on the invitations and will wait for those who want to give a gift to contact us we're registering on Baby List so some people may have a difficult time finding it.I like the idea of calling it a BabyQ because it is an opportunity for friends and coworkers who are not going to be invited to the two small showers that we're being given to come and see us, the nursery, and our "new" home.For me, it's about celebration and although this may seem "different" to some people, I still think our hearts are in the right place. I am the furthest from "gift grabby" just trying to make it as less awkward as possible for our guests.nbsp;

I know what your reaction to my post is going to be, but I'm going to say it anyway. Your friends and coworkers don't care nearly as much about your bump and seeing the nursery as you think they do. Yes, I know, they have told you how excited they are and ask you questions when you see them, they are being polite and making conversation. Waitresses in restaurants have asked me about our nursery colors, it doesn't mean they want to come to my house and see it.

PrimRoseMama

sschwege:

jhsdancer05:

I appreciate your advice, but unless I'm calling it a shower and expecting gifts, I think this is more of a self-hosted get together for our family and friends.

Once you start talking about 'allowing people who wouldn't be invited to a shower to be able to celebrate our upcoming arrival' and entertain the idea of putting registry information on an invitation it appears to be less of a 'get together' and more of a shower.  When you have people over for the Super Bowl do you include registry information?  That's the distinction. 

Yep. It sounds like a shower that you want to label a Baby-Q. If it wasn't a shower there would be no question about whether or not to include the registry or mention of a baby. You would simply host a house warming BBQ, right?

If you want to host a get together at your house then do it, but leave baby out of it. Otherwise you are looking like you want people over to AW your house and get gifts. Super super tacky! 

missesru

Liz4444:

jhsdancer05:

I can see that some are very passionate about this topic!Just throwing it out there, but what about the couples that throw their own Gender Reveal parties? How is a BabyQ any different?I've come to the conclusion to not include the registry information on the invitations and will wait for those who want to give a gift to contact us we're registering on Baby List so some people may have a difficult time finding it.I like the idea of calling it a BabyQ because it is an opportunity for friends and coworkers who are not going to be invited to the two small showers that we're being given to come and see us, the nursery, and our "new" home.For me, it's about celebration and although this may seem "different" to some people, I still think our hearts are in the right place. I am the furthest from "gift grabby" just trying to make it as less awkward as possible for our guests.nbsp;

I know what your reaction to my post is going to be, but I'm going to say it anyway. Your friends and coworkers don't care nearly as much about your bump and seeing the nursery as you think they do. Yes, I know, they have told you how excited they are and ask you questions when you see them, they are being polite and making conversation. Waitresses in restaurants have asked me about our nursery colors, it doesn't mean they want to come to my house and see it.

This.  Very this.

Same thing for "gender reveals".  I don't think anyone (other than the parents to be), care enough about the genitals of an unborn baby to go out of their way to an event to have it announced.  

The term "Baby-Q" is giving me the creeps for some reason. 

BallSox

Liz4444:

jhsdancer05:

I can see that some are very passionate about this topic!Just throwing it out there, but what about the couples that throw their own Gender Reveal parties? How is a BabyQ any different?I've come to the conclusion to not include the registry information on the invitations and will wait for those who want to give a gift to contact us we're registering on Baby List so some people may have a difficult time finding it.I like the idea of calling it a BabyQ because it is an opportunity for friends and coworkers who are not going to be invited to the two small showers that we're being given to come and see us, the nursery, and our "new" home.For me, it's about celebration and although this may seem "different" to some people, I still think our hearts are in the right place. I am the furthest from "gift grabby" just trying to make it as less awkward as possible for our guests.nbsp;

I know what your reaction to my post is going to be, but I'm going to say it anyway. Your friends and coworkers don't care nearly as much about your bump and seeing the nursery as you think they do. Yes, I know, they have told you how excited they are and ask you questions when you see them, they are being polite and making conversation.  Waitresses in restaurants have asked me about our nursery colors, it doesn't mean they want to come to my house and see it.

This summarizes it perfectly.  No one is going to tell ANY pregnant woman that they could care less about the way they organized the closet in their nursery.  Well, at least not to their face.  If you need to have a reason to have friends over, celebrate the fourth of July.  Just because your baby is all you care about does't mean it needs to be the center of every event you have/attend for 40 weeks.  

mben1119

Liz4444:

jhsdancer05:

I can see that some are very passionate about this topic!Just throwing it out there, but what about the couples that throw their own Gender Reveal parties? How is a BabyQ any different?I've come to the conclusion to not include the registry information on the invitations and will wait for those who want to give a gift to contact us we're registering on Baby List so some people may have a difficult time finding it.I like the idea of calling it a BabyQ because it is an opportunity for friends and coworkers who are not going to be invited to the two small showers that we're being given to come and see us, the nursery, and our "new" home.For me, it's about celebration and although this may seem "different" to some people, I still think our hearts are in the right place. I am the furthest from "gift grabby" just trying to make it as less awkward as possible for our guests.nbsp;

I know what your reaction to my post is going to be, but I'm going to say it anyway. Your friends and coworkers don't care nearly as much about your bump and seeing the nursery as you think they do. Yes, I know, they have told you how excited they are and ask you questions when you see them, they are being polite and making conversation. Waitresses in restaurants have asked me about our nursery colors, it doesn't mean they want to come to my house and see it.

This. OP, just don't.

jobiann

I wouldn't include registry info on an invitation...if people want to gift you they will find your registry. It's so not difficult to type your name into the five or six "baby" places.

Unknown

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VCK

I would not include your registry info. If people want to seek it out they will figure it out on their own. Don't do it.

JemmaWRX

Putting registry information on the invite WILL make people feel obligated to purchase a gift.  Hosting a Baby-Q will also make people feel obligated to bring a gift.  If you want to have a party, have a party.  Call it a party.  Don't mention the baby at all.  And to answer your question, yes, it does seem odd that you're hosting this yourself.  To make it less odd, don't mention baby and don't mention the registry. 

notkateanymore

Do not put registry info on there. If people want to bring something, they will. If you are really not expecting gifts, you shouldn't mention them at all. If somebody asks you directly, you can tell them.

And for the love of god, please don't call it a Baby-Q, it creeps me out so much. 

RachieTK

Joy2611:

jhsdancer05:

 Secondly, I am NOT expecting anyone to bring a gift, but I know that people will want to especially since we will be providing all of the food and drinks.

This sentence is just hilarious. 

If you're going to host a party, then you're kinda obligated to provide all the food and drink.  And I'm not going to bring you a baby gift because you gave me a hot dog and coke.  One is about being a decent host and the other is about a baby.

Host a bbq.  Say nothing about the baby.  Put NOTHING about registries on the invitations.  Never host your own gift-giving event.

 

what she said. 

msmerymac

It's not okay to put registry information on invitations. 

I mean, I'm only marginally okay with putting it in shower invitations, and gift-giving is actually the point of the shower. Any other party? Absolutely not, totally rude. You do not put it on birthday invitations, wedding invitations or housewarming invitations. Ever. 

So basically, if you are claiming this is not a shower, then registry information doesn't belong anywhere near it. 

BallSox

msmerymac:

It's not okay to put registry information on invitations. 

I mean, I'm only marginally okay with putting it in shower invitations, and gift-giving is actually the point of the shower. Any other party? Absolutely not, totally rude. You do not put it on birthday invitations, wedding invitations or housewarming invitations. Ever. 

So basically, if you are claiming this is not a shower, then registry information doesn't belong anywhere near it. 

So...you're saying I shouldn't put a registry for my grocery list on the invites for my Fourth of July BBQ?  Crap.  I actually have to buy my own watermelons and wieners.