Loss CheckIn

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies!


Welcome to our Friday checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

shandorfml2

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Had a good couple sobs this week, which was good. Needed to happen.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Make it through father's day with my H. I got him a card. I know Moms day was hard for me and he's having a hard time too.

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel? Yep. Butterflies remind me of her. I have dreamed of her, but unfortunately it's often nightmares because I remember I've lost her. She also sends me pennies. I know she is always with me.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Just having another rough patch...it's really starting to sink in now that I'm functioning and back to work. I don't have her. It hurts.

amandager99

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I had my first visit with a grief counselor.  I was nervous and hesitant, but it felt good.  All we did was talk about my history/story that got me there, but I really liked her.  I woke up today wanting to see her again today so that I could actually get in to things I'm feeling.  Looking forward to seeing her next week, and hoping this is a good thing.  After a few hard days this week, I also came to the realization this morning that I need to allow myself to feel, whatever it is I'm feeling.  Keeping it in and acting like everything is fine just makes for some very hard days when it all comes to a head.  If I allow myself to just be sad, I can be sad and still go about my day.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?  Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

Trying to figure things out with DH.  We started out really good, he took the week off after we lost our son so there was lots of time to communicate or even sit in silence.  Now that he has returned to work I feel a little more disconnected. 

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel?

I'm wondering if my dream came from my little angel as an assurance that I will be okay, and even though he will be missing we will have a family.  It was a dream in the future and there was DH and I and three little ones, two girls and a boy aged between 10 and 5 maybe.  I'm hoping.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  

Sorry if this is TMI.  I've really started to struggle with DH pulling away physically.  Other than the occasional hugs and the quick peck of goodbye when he leaves for work and when he arrives home there's nothing.  I'm not asking for sex or anything intimate just more physical closeness.  The tenderness, the innocent kiss on the forehead or hand on the back.  Just the reassurance.  From the beginning he was terrified that sex would hurt the baby.  A few days before we lost Daniel, there was an attempt but he was too freaked out that day for whatever reason.  He completely feels like this is his fault and he caused the loss.  I tried to talk to him about this tonight, and while I completely understand where he is coming from and I hear what he is saying, I don't feel like he is able to do the same for me. 

princezjk

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

Not really. I finally had a follow up with my doctor.  There still aren't clear answers as to why we lost our Izzie. The placenta had several infarctions, but none of the tests show a reason for this.  DH and I did see our young niece and nephew, something we had been nervous to do since our loss. We still have more nieces and nephews we haven't seen, but this was a start.  

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  I don't really have any goals set for myself right now.  Last week I tried to start working around my home, cleaning and organizing, but I wasn't very successful.  I think my goal this week should just be to wake up by 10am. 

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel? Nothing recently. I received a well timed phone call the week right after we lost her that made me feel she was reaching out to try and give me some comfort. DH and I both find we get a great deal of peace when we visit her gravesite.  We don't necessarily feel more connected to her there, just more peaceful.  I've been keeping my eyes out for signs that she is reaching out, but I haven't picked up on anything yet. I haven't really had any dreams at all since the loss. I like to think when I am asleep I am visiting her in heaven, which is why I am not remembering my dreams   Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Still just trying to come to terms with my grief and guilt.  Some days, some moments are better than others. But we just keep going. Keep living. Keep breathing. Believing the pain will ease and believing that eventually we will be happy again and have the life we dream of.  

JessicaG220

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

 I have tried desperately to be happy and supportive for my 36 week pregnant coworker and I try to remember that my loss doesn't make her pregnancy any less special.  That has been painful.  She just gets bigger and it's a constant reminder that I should be ready to pop any time now.  I have all of these cute spring/summer maternity shirts that arrived just days before I lost Ava and I never got to wear them.  And seeing her in all of her new, adorable clothes just makes me ache.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?

 My ongoing goal is to lose the last few pounds.  I have been working soooo hard and building up my endurance during my workouts.  I am so close!  It's been great exercising with my husband because we bond during our workouts.

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

 To keep pushing myself into I reach my old max on my elliptical...  40 mins! 

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel?

I have had several!  I mentioned this before, but the day we found out Ava was a girl, we went to our favorite restaurant for dinner and we both got pink straws.  We had never gotten them before, and we never got them again.  Then last weekend we went there, and we both got PINK.  It was totally a sign from her!!!!!!  It felt like she was telling me she was ok and things are going to get easier.

 Another night a couple weeks ago we went to another favorite restaurant of ours and it has a crane machine.  We had gotten a Curiius George monkey from there when I was pregnant, and we put it in Ava's room for her.  It took a lot of quarters to get that monkey!  We buried her with it because it felt like it belongs to her.  So after dinner that night, I had only enough money to play once.  I put in my 50 cents, and with a joint effort between DH and me... we won the purple bear we tried for.  It also felt like a sign from Ava that we'll have a second chance for our baby.  She keeps George, and we keep her brother or sister.

 I felt soooo much peace from these seemingly ordinary events!!!! 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

 I want a new job closer to home.  There is one job that I applied for that's desperately want, so I am soooo anxious to get that call!  Fingers crossed!

 

Have a great weekend, ladies!  Hope you find the strength to get through Father's Day. 

angelsnight

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, I actually took some backwards.  With today being the day we had planned for my shower, and my due date coming next month, I've been feeling pretty low.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  I do plan to go to the next support group meeting in my area this week.  I've only gone once and I get nervous of going back, and right now I don't like doing anything  HAVE to do, but I think it will do me good so I am going to try to go.

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel?  The first three days we were home from the hospital I dreamed of her.  They were all related to loss...like I dreamed she was born alive, but we gave her up for adoption, so we were trying to get her back.  But nothing really since.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm anxious to O this cycle, really hoping this is our month.

cawettig

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I have thrown myself into work; I worked around 52 hours last week. The last day of work was the hardest, everything hurt there were pregnant patients and babies everywhere in the emergency room. My charge nurse pulled me out to the ambulance bay and cried with me for twenty mins. Most of my co workers are trying to be cautious about talking about their pregnant pts and babies around me. I am so glad that most of them are trying to be supportive that way. Also I am so glad that everyone in triage knows not to give me those patients. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I have a couple goals right now. I am going to pay off all of my credit cards and save for a vacation in August with DH, DS, and my oldest DD. We are hoping to go stay on the coast or go down fishing in the Keys soon. I have been working my butt off and I am working 5-6 12 hour shifts every week now... I am not holding back the coffee now.  

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel? 

I fell asleep on the couch after work on Friday, DH put DD and DS to bed. I was having one of the most beautiful dreams of my life. I was holding Arianna and rocking her. I was in such a deep dream about her I felt like I could even smell her. I was holding her she was smiling at me and laughing her little baby laugh. I caressed her hair, gave her kisses she held my finger with her little hand. I cried when DH woke me up to go to bed. That was the second time I dreamed about her. I feel like she has visited me those times and I can not wait for when she does again. Holding her those nights were so real, I felt everything, I could smell her, feel her against my lips when I kissed her chubby cheeks.   

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Finally done with my first period. I am hoping that the next cycle will bring a BFP.  

jess123456

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No just maintaining I think. Lately I have been watching tons of YouTube videos of recurrent loss mamas and it helps me somehow. It can feel really lonely but knowing that I am not alone helps.


What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

We are waiting on karotyping results so hopefully once we have some answers we can decide what to do going forward. We are also meeting with a new RE in July so I am working hard to continue to keep in shape and be healthy before we start trying again.


QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel?

Yes, I have had two dreams with Grace in them. One was about a month after she passed. She was swimming and I was with her. She looked to be about two or three and she talked to me. That was really special. The other involved being visited by another girl who passed away that I know of. I asked her if Grace was with me and she said that she is always holding my hand. That was also really special.

Since I have lost my fourth baby I have been finding lots of four leaf clovers. I recently found two sitting in a small hole while I was walking my dog. It was very symbolic and hopefully it means that my four angels were sending me a sign. I have found several others since then. I have never in my life seen a four leave clover before this.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I am really hoping that my RE will be able to help us and that our karotyping results will bring us some answers. Hopefully they are treatable.

bunnybun4

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? yes...I have had another "good" week...I made a new friend in one of my support groups and she made me the most beautiful memorial necklace to wear for Bunny.  Things have been moving forward and I know a bad day is bound to come soon but right now enjoying the peace I have.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  trying to get the rest of my baby weight off...last week I was so busy and didn't really get to work out as much as I would like.

QOTW: Have you had any dreams or any other signs that reminded you of your angel? no dreams, but now that we have named her bunnies remind me of her...we commonly see them outside of our neighborhood...also rainbows make me feel like she and god are trying to tell me that everythingis going to be ok.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I am just so ready for AF to come...it's been 6 weeks today since my mmc and still no sign.  I am getting so frustrated...with Bunny I wasn't really keeeping track but I feel like AF came about  4 weeks after.  I just want to know that my body is ok.