FAQ update #1 Book lists

Dr.Loretta

Please use this space to post any books (adoption related or child related) that you found helpful before, during, and after the adoption process.

Dr.Loretta

From GnomeSweetGnome:

Domestic Infant & General Adoption Books (recommended by Catholic Charities of Dallas - I've read almost all of these, people can message and/or page me to ask about specific ones and I'll be happy to answer any questions they might have!)

   Dischler, Patricia.  ?Because I Loved You.?  2006.

Duxbury, Micky.  ?Making Room in Our Hearts.?  2007.

Gritter, James.  ?Adoption Without Fear.?  (out of print ? Available on Amazon)

Gritter, James.  ?The Spirit of Open Adoption.?

Gritter, James.  ?Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption.?

Gilman, Lois.  ?The Adoption Resource Book.?  1992.

Johnston, Patricia Irwin,  ?Adopting After Infertility.?  1992.

Melina, Lois & Sharon Kaplan Roszia.  ?The Open Adoption Experience.?

Melina, Lois.  ?Raising Adopted Children.?  1986.

Severson, Randolph.  ?A Letter to Adoptive Parents on Open Adoption.?  1990.

Silber, Kathleen & Patricia Martinez Dorner.  ?Children of Open Adoption.?  1989.

Silber, Kathleen & Phylis Speedlin.  ?Dear Birthmother.?  1982.

Sorosky, Baran, & Pannor.  ?The Adoption Triangle.?  1984.

Books for Foster-to-Adopt/Older Child Adoption (recommended by Catholic Charities of Dallas) Gray, Deborah D. Nurturing Adoptions : Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma Gray, Deborah D. Attaching in Adoption   Keck, Gregory. Adopting The Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids     McCreight PhD, Brenda. Parenting Your Adopted Older Child: How to Overcome the Unique Challenges and Raise a Happy and Healthy Child     Purvis, Karyn. The Connected Child

arbutusbride

"In on It" is awesome for friends and family members. 

 

sewolff

Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter by Nelson Handel.  Helpful tips on writing the letter as well as good general information on adoption.

CaptainSerious

General Adoption

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption <https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Adoption-Second-Edition/dp/159257274X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497478&sr=8-1&keywords=idiots+guide+adoption>  - Great introductory guide that sets out the basics of adoption, the different types, and common issues that can arise

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew <https://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-7&keywords=toddler+adoption>  - My first insight into the fact that there is pain/loss involved in adoption, and it really prepared me for some of the things my children go through and what kind of things might be triggers for their pain

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother <https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Thoughts-Adoptive-Mother-Wolff/dp/0967214319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498125&sr=8-1&keywords=secrets+of+an+adoptive+mother>  - Geared more toward mothers who adopted after IF, but has stuff for all adoptive mothers.  Let me feel normal about some of my mixed feelings about adoption even when I felt the world expected me to always be over the moon happy

International Adoption: Sensitive Advice for Prospective Parents <https://www.amazon.com/International-Adoption-Sensitive-Prospective-Parents/dp/1556522118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355499045&sr=8-1&keywords=international+adoption+sensitive+advice+for+prospective+parents>

Supporting an Adoption <https://www.amazon.com/Supporting-Adoption-Pat-Holmes/dp/0961187212/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498883&sr=8-1&keywords=supporting+an+adoption>

When Friends Ask About Adoption: Question & Answer Guide for Non-Adoptive Parents and Other Caring Adults <https://www.amazon.com/When-Friends-Ask-About-Adoption/dp/0961955902/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498913&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=when+friends+ask+aboutadoption> 

General Parenting

Parenting With Love And Logic <https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Logic-Updated-Expanded-Edition/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497593&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic>  - This book's main premise forms the basis of our parenting philosophy, but as with all parenting books, there are a lot of specifics that you have to sift through and take only what you are comfortable with

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 <https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497624&sr=8-12&keywords=parenting>  - This book helped us get through the worst period with M, when he threw every acting-out behavior at us he could think of.  We never applied it the way the book explains, but just clung to the principle of not letting him see us affected by his behavior and always remaining calm and enforcing discipline with cool reserve.  It was a life-saver!

Positive Discipline <https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Jane-Nelsen-Ed-D/dp/0345487672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497864&sr=8-1&keywords=positive+discipline> 

Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 5th Edition: Birth to Age 5 (Shelov, Caring for your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5) <https://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Young-Child-Edition/dp/0553386301/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498984&sr=8-1&keywords=Caring+for+Your+Baby+and+Young+Child%2C+Revised+Edition%3A+Birth+to+Age+5+%28Shelov%2C+Caring+for+your+Baby+and+Young+Child%2C+Birth+to+Age+5%29>

Parenting Adopted Children

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years <https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Internationally-Adopted-Child/dp/1558323252/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-6&keywords=toddler+adoption>  - Great guide for what your child's adjustment will entail and points out all the issues that may present themselves with advice on how to deal with them 

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents <https://www.amazon.com/Attaching-Adoption-Practical-Todays-Parents/dp/0944934293/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497540&sr=8-2&keywords=attaching+in+adoption>  - Great book on attachment

I Love You Rituals <https://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Rituals-Becky-Bailey/dp/0688161170/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498685&sr=8-1&keywords=I+Love+You+Rituals>  - If things are really tough and you are looking for ways to reach out and foster attachment even when you don't think you have it in you (and believe me, I've been there), this book has great ideas for little things you can do to break through

Adopting Older Kids/Parenting Hurt Children

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft <https://www.amazon.com/Toddler-Adoption-The-Weavers-Craft/dp/1849058946/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-1&keywords=toddler+adoption>

Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow <https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Child-Adoptive-Hollywood/dp/1600062903/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498193&sr=8-1&keywords=hurt+children>  - This book is the one that I always recommend first to parents adopting older children.  It really helped us understand what we were dealing with and how to best approach it.  It can be scary, because they talk about really bad cases, but it was so relatable and helped us avoid many pitfalls--especially triangulation!

Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families <https://www.amazon.com/Wounded-Children-Healing-Homes-Traumatized/dp/1615215689/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498468&sr=8-1&keywords=wounded+children>   - This book was the first that really captured how I felt.  It's more about the impact that raising a hurt child can have on the rest of the family, and was very honest.  I couldn't believe that the emotions I felt were actually being written about so openly.

Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts <https://www.amazon.com/Next-Steps-Parenting-Child-Hurts/dp/1853028029/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498516&sr=8-1&keywords=Next+Steps+in+Parenting+the+Child+Who+Hurts> 

When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD <https://www.amazon.com/When-Love-Not-Enough-Parenting/dp/0970352549/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498619&sr=8-2&keywords=When+Love+Is+Not+Enough> , "Healing Trust" (3 CD set), and "Taming the Tiger While It's Still a Kitten" (lecture on CD with booklet, https://www.attachment-store.org/taming-the-tiger-while-its-still-a-kitten.html) are good resources to understand children with attachment difficulties.  They really helped me get the full understanding of the child's mentality as they go through the process.  I personally felt that the techniques were too heavy-handed, but that's likely because I wasn't dealing with a child who had RAD.  Still, the insight into their fear and how they act and manipulate relationships because of it was invaluable in understanding my sons.  These books/CDs really made me feel like I had a better understanding of what they had to go through, how they were going to do it, and why they were acting the way they were.  It made me feel more in control, because I knew what we were going through was normal, I wasn't completely messing up, and that this was all just part of the process they had to go through.

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors <https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Consequences-Logic-Control-Attachment-Challenged/dp/0977704009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368805596&sr=8-1&keywords=beyond+consequences>  presents a different/new way to interpret (and therefore respond to) the behaviors of children with traumatic pasts.  It was recommended to me by many parents of children with RAD and FASD, and they swear it?s the only thing that worked with their kids.  Basically, it urges parents to first foster a non-punitive, non-judging, nurturing relationship with the child to quell their fears, calm them, and build a relationship of trust and respect before focusing on correcting their behaviors.  This book is pretty much the exact opposite in many ways to Nancy Thomas? approach and many of the others above, but I think they all have their place, depending on the child and situation.