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Attachment Parenting
Emerald27
member
Frustration Tolerance
Emerald27
member
Not trying to be a PW, I just have a lot of questions this week, apparently!
DS is 19 months old and is starting to demonstrate a very low frustration tolerance. This is both when he does not get his way and when he has trouble completing a task, i.e. stacking his blocks on top of the slide, they fall before he wants to push them.
His new immediate response to any frustration is to push or throw whatever is within his reach and dramatically sprawl onto the floor sobbing. He does this both when he's frustrated with a toy and when he's asked to wait just a minute and I'll get what he needs. He also does this if I don't understand him.
I've been comforting and telling him that tantruming will not help, and that if he wants my help he needs to calm down.
Today, I was sorting the mail and he wanted to nurse. He was standing by the coffee table and called to me for numnums. I asked him to wait, and said just a minute. Mommy will be right there. He started to cry and pushed his toys off the table, then put his head down. I said again, I'm coming. Just a minute, and he started hitting his head on the table and really crying! He now has a bruise on his forehead!
I rushed over and picked him up/nursed him. It just freaked me out! I want to help him handle his frustration and also be more patient, but this was such an extreme response, it caught me offguard!
How have you taught your toddlers to handle frustration, and how have you helped them learn patience? Is this even possible, or am I over thinking this? Sometimes he does have to wait...but I do always follow through when I tell him just a minute.
Sorry for the novel. I just don't want my little one to injure himself, and I know there must be a way to help him with this: thanks!
DS is 19 months old and is starting to demonstrate a very low frustration tolerance. This is both when he does not get his way and when he has trouble completing a task, i.e. stacking his blocks on top of the slide, they fall before he wants to push them.
His new immediate response to any frustration is to push or throw whatever is within his reach and dramatically sprawl onto the floor sobbing. He does this both when he's frustrated with a toy and when he's asked to wait just a minute and I'll get what he needs. He also does this if I don't understand him.
I've been comforting and telling him that tantruming will not help, and that if he wants my help he needs to calm down.
Today, I was sorting the mail and he wanted to nurse. He was standing by the coffee table and called to me for numnums. I asked him to wait, and said just a minute. Mommy will be right there. He started to cry and pushed his toys off the table, then put his head down. I said again, I'm coming. Just a minute, and he started hitting his head on the table and really crying! He now has a bruise on his forehead!
I rushed over and picked him up/nursed him. It just freaked me out! I want to help him handle his frustration and also be more patient, but this was such an extreme response, it caught me offguard!
How have you taught your toddlers to handle frustration, and how have you helped them learn patience? Is this even possible, or am I over thinking this? Sometimes he does have to wait...but I do always follow through when I tell him just a minute.
Sorry for the novel. I just don't want my little one to injure himself, and I know there must be a way to help him with this: thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Frustration Tolerance
If someone has an answer I am looking for it too. My LO doesn't self-injure but he throws toys/hits when frustrated. We've been working on giving him appropriate ways to vent, so if you're angry you can hit your stuffed animal but not people. Or you can stomp your feet but not throw your toys.
It's slowly helping but we still have to remind him all the time.
FWIW I hear it's normal lol. Sorry I don't have better help.
My understanding is that it's developmentally appropriate. What I try to keep in mind when this happens with my LO is that she can't control her emotions right now and that my job is to teach her to deal with emotions like frustration, not just make them go away.
So, I talk in a soothing voice, I might sing a song or rub her back. If she's trying to complete a task, I tell her that I know she can do it, but that I will help her if she asks. I try to give encouragement, too- like, "You got one leg in your pants! You're almost there!" If she's trying to communicate and can't, I explain that I really want to help her and ask if she has a word for what she needs or if she can show me. Sometimes I just have to wait for her to feel her feelings, and then we can move on to something more constructive.
It is definitely challenging when she throws herself around. If it looks like it's going in that direction, I try to hold on tightly to her (lovingly, but firmly). I have noticed it seems to be getting better. She'll still get frustrated, but she moves on more easily and quickly, it seems.
PP reminded me, I also try a lot of "I know you're angry/frustrated/whatever. It's ok to feel that way but we can't throw toys or hit mommy."
LO sometimes wants me to hold/comfort him and other times wants to be left alone so I offer comfort and back away if need be.
The one upside to their overwhelming emotions is the pleasant ones are so big too, so loud belly laughs and screeches of joy at something new/exciting.