"Catch Them Being Good"

sschwege

We try to do a lot with positive reinforcement in our house, a 'catch them being good' approach.  Recently I have noticed that sometimes if I complement DD on something she stops, gets this little smile on her face and goes to do the exact opposite.  For example, the other day she went potty but forgot to wash her hands.  I reminded her and she immediately turned and started to run cheerfully into the bathroom to wash her hands.  I said, "Good listening, E"  At which point she got this little smile on her face and started to walk away from the bathroom.  Then I said, "Your choice is to wash your own hands, or I will do it for you."  She chose to wash her own hands and everything was fine.  It just seems like sometimes positive words backfire right now, anyone else experiencing this?  Maybe I could try something like, "Wow, that's fast running to the bathroom!" or something along those lines?  Thoughts?  I don't want to stop telling her when she's doing a good job.  

countrymice06

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/the-right-way-to-praise-your-kids

 

This doesn't answer your question completely, but it is an interesting article that I read on praise a little bit ago...  

sschwege

countrymice06:

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/the-right-way-to-praise-your-kids

 

This doesn't answer your question completely, but it is an interesting article that I read on praise a little bit ago...  

That is interesting thank you for sharing.  A month or so ago, DD showed me a picture she had colored and said, "I worked hard on that!"  It was a proud moment for both of us  

sschwege

fredalina:

I agree with the article. I feel that encouragement and showing an interest in things the child enjoys are better than a gazillion empty "good job"s. We tend to offer praise without even thinking it through. "Good job" for going down a slide? What is that, like "way to not land on your azz"? In the case of the hand washing I would have said nothing. To me, "good listening" implies they have a choice. She didn't. You were going to make sure her hands got washed one way or another lol. If hand washing is a priority to work on right now, I would wait for a time when she remembers on her own and say, "hey, you remembered to wash your hands and I didn't even have to remind you!" And leave it at that. For things around the house I offer sincere thanks, like "It was such a big help for me when you ____", but I make that one rare. I frequently comment when she works hard on something because my working hard and not giving up is something important to me, and sometimes her attention span makes that tough. So I do point out when she works hard. "Look at this map you colored of the continents! I can tell you really worked hard on this. Each continent had its own color, and all the marks you made coloring to the same direction and are really close together. You kept the colors mostly in the lines. That took a lot of work!" I also give adjectives to what she does, like "You made that boy happy when you shared your water toys with him at the pool. That was very generous!" To me, that kind of encouragement is worth more than a dozen "good sharing"s.

I like this thank you!  I was a nanny and then a teacher before becoming a parent and I always told myself I wasn't going to praise my kids for every little thing, like the 'every kid gets a trophy' mindset.  These are great examples and something I'm going to work on. 

KateLouise

Love this thread ladies, thank you. 

Lots of ideas here that I try to remember, but I find it so easy to slip into "over praising."

Thanks for the reminders, and for explaining it all so succinctly. 

TiffanyBerry

I also struggle to avoid overpraising and over general praising. One thing I find helps is to expression appreciation rather than praise. So, in your case, OP, I would have waited for her to finish washing and said, "Thank you for remembering to wash your hands." I mean, I appreciate she remembered, but it's not particularly spectacular that she did, so why not just say thank you? The sort of thing I try to do in adult life too.