I'm having a repeat c-section on Friday. DH is a consultant and has to go back to work the following Monday. We also have an almost 2 year old.
We decided, to heck with all the family, we are just going to have this 2.5 day chunk of time just for DH and I and new baby (DH will bring big baby to visit as well). So we told all of our parents that we are not having visitors at the hospital and EVERYONE is more than welcome to visit as soon as we are home from hospital.
Most people thought it was totally understandable, especially since DH and I are very private, but a few thought it was totally inappropriate and we need to consider how it would hurt their feelings.
I'm not looking for validation of my choice. My choice is awesome and is exactly what we want. I guess the reason for this post is that I am constantly surprised at the "ownership" people take over someone else's pregnancy. I understand that it's a new baby in the family but it's like....mine lol.
Ahhh....family entitlement.
Re: I am pure evil and I'm quite happy with it...
And I get that there is a tiny, cute baby there and whatnot but the mother just pushed it out of her vagina or had it cut out of her belly!
Maybe she would like to bleed like a pig, be swollen, stoned and confused, and leaking fluids out of every hole in peace!
Amen! People forget that having a kid is a major medical thing. One that requires 6-8 weeks to recover from. They can give you a few days to get yourself together.
I always try to give new moms about a month before I try to go see their newborns. For really good friends, I'll offer to bring them food or help them out with chores, but not even with the return of seeing the baby, but because I actually care about helping them out. If they tell me to come over sooner, I follow their lead.
Me:27, DH:28 - DX: MFI, varicocele repair Nov 2011
Post-Op SA: Count- 15 million, Motility- 75%, Morphology- 3%
IVF with ICSI - Stimming 10/4/12 - 10/13/12, Lupron Trigger
ER 10/18/12, 12 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 5 fertilized
5 day transfer 10/23/12, 3 frosties
Beta #1 11/5/12: 453, Beta #2 11/7/12: 1,013, DD born 7/19/13
I hear ya we only asked to have a two hour window between birth and visitors and his family thinks it is an outrage, not only that but no kids are allowed unless siblings, we told his family this as well and they said they still plan on bringing their kids. I DISLIKE INLAWS VERY MUCH
Good for you!!! It's refreshing to read a post where a woman actually stands up for her rights!
I'm having a homebirth, and made similar rules. People are upset, but whatever. I'd rather bleed, meet my baby, and start the breastfeeding process in peace.
BFP 3/29/2014 2u2 Let's do this!
I think I would do the exact same thing in your shoes. You're having major abdominal surgery. Privacy please!
I'm not telling anyone until after the baby is born and if they come up then they come up but I have the right to refuse service to any person at any time for any reason I see fit. There was a lot of drama last time around and I need to do what's best for me and my family and not feel bad about it. Hopefully this time goes smoother.
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Meimsx no more
9/19/12: Miscarriage at 12wks due to Triploidy, D&C 9/24/12 - I will forever miss you my little angel
Good for you-- I wish I had the balls to do the same thing this time around. With my first, the inlaws were waiting in the hall as i was wheeled out of c-section and into recovery. After a scary labor and emergency surgery, they were the last people I wanted to see--just wanted to see my baby. I hadn't thought to tell my husband I didn't want people there right away if I had an emergency c/s. I would love no visitors in the hospital for this RCS, but since the inlaws are from out-of-town, I feel like I have to let them visit since they will fly in. I am planning on several hours before visitors, plus my first son will be the first visitor and we will have "family time" with just us before anyone else is there.
For reals.
GOOD FOR YOU!
Our plan is to tell people that we will call them and invite them to visit when we are ready. Other than that, if people show up without our inviting them, I *will* tell them to...
Lol, this is dramatic. When you bring another person into a family it's completely normal for them to be excited and want to see the baby at the soonest possible moment. It's a joyous moment for everyone who has has been there for you through this pregnancy, and will forever be a big part of your child's life. No one is looking at you and your baby as a circus exhibit, they just want to be apart of that very special moment.
DH's family could not care less about our baby, let alone want to be there when he comes into the world. It's been really hard on him. You are lucky that you have people who care about you that want to share big moments with you.
That being said, I too want it to be just me and DH during the birth. I think I will be more comfortable that way, and I know I had every right to make that decision. But I also realize that to my family it is a huge deal for them to become grandma/aunts/grandpa ect. And attending a birth is an amazing experience that you never forget, It makes sense that the people who care about you would want to be apart of it, as long as they are respectful when you tell them what you want it's not something to "UGH" about.
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I would be so angry if I thought my MIL was going to show up in the delivery room against my wishes. But if you tell your nurses and doctors who you actually want in the room, they should absolutely keep anyone else out. She can wait outside until you are good and ready for visitors, and the nurses should help you with that as well. Good luck!