Moving Vent

MrsHetzel

So DH and I accepted an offer on a house. Inspections are today, and hoping they go well!, we are hoping to close and move in before July 18th, which is my scheduled csection.

My 10 year old SD knows we're looking for a house. She also saw the house with us when we first looked at it, we currently have a 2 bedroom townhouse so she was very excited about the 4 bedroom house which means she won't have to share a bedroom with her little brother, even though she didn't mind one bit. Anyway, she doesn't know we made an offer because we are trying not to "jinx" it by telling the world just yet that we're under contract, but primarily we haven't told her just yet because we don't want her mother to ruin it for her/make it harder for us. BM has been jealous and bitter and hateful from day one, when SD went home and told her we were getting married, BM spent 18 months telling her "it's not really gonna happen" to the point where at our rehearsal dinner, I had to sit down and have a special talk with SD bc she was nearly having a breakdown! Her mother had told her so much it wasn't really going to happen that she couldn't believe it actually was happening! I can only imagine what BM said when SD went home and told her she was having a little sibling. We told SD on Christmas and her response was "I love all my presents, but my new baby sibling is my favorite." But unfortunately from what we've heard, in the past 8 months, SD is only allowed to show her excitement around her extended family at home, never around her mother who yells at her and tries to ruin it for her. So needless to say, we haven't told SD about the house yet. And it just makes me feel guilty about making a big family decision without her. I know she'll be happy because she's told us twice in the past two weeks "you should buy that house we saw with the yard big enough for a soccer field" but I just feel so annoyed that we can't tell her these big things until we know its safe for BM to find out. We also don't want BM to try and think just because we're buying a house that maybe she can get more CS out of us, DH already gives her MORE a week than the court order suggested so there ain't no way she's getting more out of him. But anyway, sorry this was long, I'm just bummed. Like I said, inspections are today and if all goes well we will be super excited and we want to tell SD but still have to wait. Grr.

Hopeforthebest

CONGRATS!!!!!!

4luvof2boys

I posted earlier last week that I have jealous feelings towards BM.  I couldn't imagine putting that off on my kids though.  My youngest son told me on the phone last night that "he had a bad dream that he had to come home".  I laughed and said "well you must be having a lot of fun then and I'm so glad".  Inside I felt harpooned in the chest lol - a bit of exaggeration here.  I think it is terrible your SD's BM is ruining anything fun and exciting at your house.  Even if she is jealous, which for every human is natural, she shouldn't be acting it out in her words and behavior with SD.  Congrats on your new home and like PP said, shame on BM.

Lavender P

I'm sorry that you have to keep it a secret. I know it is hard, but just think that in some ways you are making it easier for SD to only have to tell BM after it is a done deal. We didn't tell SS our actual wedding date until we picked him up for the weekend because we knew his BM would try to keep him from it. He was even worried because he knew his mom didn't want him to come to our wedding, although we had even switched weekeds for hers. She thought we were getting married in the summer and so she booked her 'vacations' with SS for 6 Saturday nights in a row. Her thought process was that we would have to beg her to let SS come to our wedding and she would do us a favor by letting us have him. We actually got married in the spring instead and when she found out, she hung up on SS and refused to talk to her own son. She also rescheduled the dates of her summer vacation with him, as she didn't need them anymore. We figured out early in our relationship that it is better and easier to tell BM after a major event so she can't try to ruin things. This way SS also doesn't have to worry about missing out on something.

Lavender P

P.s. congrats on the new house!!! Try to enjoy it and not worry about BM too much. I know it is much easier said then done.

2chatter

We are on the same timeline with a move, and the skids have NO IDEA.  For similar reasons - BM stirs up drama and trouble for any major event (wedding (tried to send SD away so she could not come), gender ultrasound (faked a miscarriage), birth of DS (threatened to come to the hospital and assault me), baptisms (actually assaulted me in our church), the list goes on) so we have learned not to let the skids know (they tell her EVERYTHING).  When we saw skids this week, someone else asked DH about "the house".  He gave a total nonsense answer about our current home.

It makes me feel a little crazy sometimes, so I don't know if "you are not alone" helps.  It is so weird the skids don't even know what's going on.

CFjo2010

2chatter:

We are on the same timeline with a move, and the skids have NO IDEA.  For similar reasons - BM stirs up drama and trouble for any major event (wedding (tried to send SD away so she could not come), gender ultrasound (faked a miscarriage), birth of DS (threatened to come to the hospital and assault me), baptisms (actually assaulted me in our church), the list goes on) so we have learned not to let the skids know (they tell her EVERYTHING).  When we saw skids this week, someone else asked DH about "the house".  He gave a total nonsense answer about our current home.

It makes me feel a little crazy sometimes, so I don't know if "you are not alone" helps.  It is so weird the skids don't even know what's going on.

Add me to the group you ladies are starting.  We cannot tell K anything in advance because BM pulls some sort of nonsense.

When we were getting married, BM told K it wasn't happening and then told K she couldn't be a part of the wedding.  Then she tried to stop DH from taking K out of State for our wedding, even though it had already been agreed to in writing.  When we moved a few years ago, BM told K how awful me and DH were for getting a "better" home than her and that we were deliberately paying her less than she should get so that we could be better off.  When we told K we were having a baby, BM spent the entire pregnancy telling K that the baby was not  good news and told her not to tell other people about the baby.  BM told K that the new baby was not her "real" sister and that once the baby was born DH and I wouldn't want/need K around anymore.  Whenever playdates have been planned at our home, BM comes up with some mystery illness K allegedly has in an effort to try and keep K from coming for the weekend or to get us to cancel the playdate.  Even simple things like taking K to the movies becomes an issue.  It sucks and it hurts, but we've learned to just surprise K.  

So my sympathies are with you.  I hope things work out with the new house and that once you move SD is as happy and excited as she should be.

MrsHetzel

I'm glad I'm not alone but it totally sucks that we're all in this boat together. We went to court 15 months before our wedding to ensure that we had it in writing that SD would be able to attend. BM made the argument "but she always has a soccer tourney on Memorial Day weekend" and even her own attorney said the judge will prioritize a fathers wedding over a soccer game... But even then it took up until the Friday before our wedding before the court order was officially finalized!!! Luckily for us SD adores DH and she has a great relationship with me, so by the time the wedding came, even BM knew she couldn't keep SD from the wedding, she was too excited. And things have only gotten easier as SD has gotten older. She'll be 10 this year and is no longer scared of her mother, or as easily used as a pawn.

Nineoceans

Lavender P:

I'm sorry that you have to keep it a secret. I know it is hard, but just think that in some ways you are making it easier for SD to only have to tell BM after it is a done deal. We didn't tell SS our actual wedding date until we picked him up for the weekend because we knew his BM would try to keep him from it. He was even worried because he knew his mom didn't want him to come to our wedding, although we had even switched weekeds for hers. She thought we were getting married in the summer and so she booked her 'vacations' with SS for 6 Saturday nights in a row. Her thought process was that we would have to beg her to let SS come to our wedding and she would do us a favor by letting us have him. We actually got married in the spring instead and when she found out, she hung up on SS and refused to talk to her own son. She also rescheduled the dates of her summer vacation with him, as she didn't need them anymore. We figured out early in our relationship that it is better and easier to tell BM after a major event so she can't try to ruin things. This way SS also doesn't have to worry about missing out on something.

Wow... No words

OP congrats on the house!! Sounds like a very exciting time for you