Sensitive/Judgmental after having a preemie?

cmb2

I'm welcome to anyone who wants to be brutally honest with me and tell me to get over it, but here goes ...

I had my DD early at 36w due to HELLP syndrome.  I know I'm extremely lucky to have such a "late" preemie, and she did really well, and I know a lot of you had to deal with so much more.

Anyway, now whenever people around me (friends/co-workers) are pregnant and usually in the 3rd tri, it really frustrates and sometimes angers me when they say they wish they would have their babies early because they're uncomfortable and just ready for pregnancy to be over, and they will ask to be induced or whatever - whereas I would have given anything to not have to have an emergency csection and I would have loved to let my baby just bake for as long as necessary!

Anyone else feel like this or am I just overly sensitive?

LnR70707

I think it is safe to say that drives us all nuts.  I try to be understanding if they are just plain uncomfortable and looking forward to just being done, because I can get that even though I've yet to experience pregnancy beyond 35 weeks myself, but preemie or not, people that would seriously induce early just for comfort purposes are a$$hats.

+ASH+

I've experienced both sides of the spectrum (oldest went past his due date and had to be induced and he was nearly 9 pounds, youngest - my water broke at 31 weeks, delivered at 33 weeks and she was 3 pounds 10 ounces). 

It's easy for me to relate to being so uncomfortable, but I never complained about it (I hate whiners). I mentioned to my doctor that I thought he was getting too big, but that was my only concern - my own comfort was never an issue.

Hearing people say that they want the baby to come early now and I have even less tolerance. No one can truly know what a Nicu stay is like until they experience it, but common sense should go a long way. If I hear people making that comment, I just casually say that the health of their baby should be more of a concern than shortness of breath and swollen ankles. 

Pips09

I try to be a "live, and let live" type of person, and keep my mouth shut about differing opinions, but this is one thing that really angers me, and the thing I am most likely to say something about. I've said something before, like light heartedly telling them, that they really want to keep the baby baking as long as possible, but it does make me ragey.

sdtchica13

It's one of the things that really pisses me off as a preemie mom, and I am generally not shy abut saying something. The only thing that annoys me more is someone who hits 37 weeks and is like, "ZOMG I am full term, baby is welcome to come any time!"...I want to smack those people, especially when they get angry when told that 37 weeks is not "full term". 

aesthyerin

So glad you posted this. I had my dd at 36 weeks and kind of feel in between. Not sure I'm really a preemie mom because she was so close to term, but I'm also not a full term mom. While I understand the discomforts on pregnancy I feel like I was not able to really experience the late days of pregnancy. 

punky917

I don't think you are overly sensitive at all. It is one of the major things I get irritated with regarding pregnant women. Induction or a CS in order for the mom to be more comfortable is the most ridiculous thing ever and should never happen-although I know it does more often than I would like to believe. I am reaching the final stages of this pregnancy and yes I have been extremely uncomfortable and can barely move. However, after having a 26 weeker, there is no way I would make a decision involving her early arrival just so I can be more comfortable.

paradebegone

Just last night, DH commented on how he was happy to see me recovering so well. And that the last couple of months were hard for him to see me in pain, on bed rest, especially the days/week following the Csection. I just cried. Because I cry at everything these days. But because I understand what he was saying but more so because I would do anything to have her still inside me and to have been able to carry her to term. We're still new to this. DD is still in the hospital. I don't know how I'll react once we have to actually interact with the outside world again.

opheliainwaders

aesthyerin:

So glad you posted this. I had my dd at 36 weeks and kind of feel in between. Not sure I'm really a preemie mom because she was so close to term, but I'm also not a full term mom. While I understand the discomforts on pregnancy I feel like I was not able to really experience the late days of pregnancy.nbsp;

This, exactly. I've also got a 36weeker, and I'm with her back in the hospital under the lights today...I'd happily still be pregnant if it meant she wasn't having such a tough time this week. I know we'll get through it and be fine, it's just odd to be straddling that line. We were treated like full term in LD, and it's only now that we're really learning the difference.

BLPL101

When I was pregnant it bothered me, but now that I had a preemie, it just pisses me off.

Lovehavinggirls

It really bothered me when people said it to me right after I had dd. I would actually reply back and say I would rather have had the worst morning sickness ever then have a pregnancy with mild symptoms and a baby born at 35 weeks and 3lbs 11 oz. That would usually shut them up. Now when people comment on how Ill see what its like to be pregnant for 9 months this time I just reply with I really hope so. 

Most people just dont think before they speak and dont realize what its like to have a lo in the NICU.  

takmjs

Same feelings here. That was extremely hard for me and still is, 17 months later, although right now, it's not as bad as it was initially. I had a 30 weeker and had to return to work a few weeks after my daughter's due date to see a coworker due in 3 weeks. I avoided being around her bc she's very blunt and doesn't think about other's feelings when she talks. What made it extra hard was knowing I was supposed to be gone on maternity leave when she had her baby, since she was due 4 weeks after me, and I was instead back to work while she was still pregnant....and of course, she was overdue a few days.

She did make a comment about having sooo much extra breastmilk, and I said " at least you can do that for your daughter. It doesn't work for everyone." I'm not one to speak up, but not only did I have a preemie, I failed at pumping, which made everything more devastating....and I wanted her to know how lucky she was.

I will be TTC starting this fall, and I'm worried not only about my high-risk pregnancy but the comments people will have for me and how they'll treat me next time around. I DREAM of having a giant belly and being uncomfortably big. I have wanted that since I found out I was a high-risk pregnancy at 5 weeks (I have a bicornuate/split uterus that generally causes extra pressure on the cervix and PTL).

I say speak up to the people who need reminders of how lucky they are.

MyPlus5

As someone who has posted, and complained to my husband, family and friends that I just want this pregnancy to be over with (because it has been terrible from the start) and I just want these twin babies out now... This is not what I really mean.  I should instead say, "when is July going to get here??  I want the time to pass faster, this is unbearable!"  This is because I want them to be healthy and safe, not out early for my own comfort.

Thanks for this thread, it made me realize what I was saying is not what I really mean.   The way I speak about it changes today.

Chalk me up to one of those people who has said stupid things, not realizing what it sounded like.  Sorry ladies. 

Bluebird2318

Echoing other ladies: I'm sure we've all felt that way to some extent. It bothers me, but not to the extent that I make a comment about it. I just don't think anyone that hasn't been through it themselves, or at the very least are close to someone who has, can possibly understand what it's like, and how awful it feels to us that they take their term pregnancies for granted. I'm sure it's only said out of frustration and they don't TRULY wish that their babies would be born then, but still... If I ever get pregnant again, I would give anything to be 40 weeks huge and uncomfortably pregnant. That being said, if that day ever comes it will be really difficult for me to keep my mouth shut if people start making comments about how they bet I'm ready for it to be over with.