Frustrated update

Bebuh

Thank you to everyone who replied to my earlier post about my DH pulling the rug out from under me about TTC and not being able to give me any sort of time frame.

Last week sucked. I hate it when we aren't our normal happy lovey selves. Luckily, he finally felt like talking yesterday and I feel much better now. He says he does want to have a baby, and he thinks about it all the time, most notably when we are having fun. He will say to himself, "This would be fun to do with a kid" and that he feels like he's getting closer. But other times he just cant shake the feeling of not being 100% ready. But he NEVER mentioned any of this to me! So I've been sitting here the whole time thinking the only thoughts he has are negative! Arg! 

Anyways, he doesn't want to put a time frame on anything b/c that just makes him more anxious, but it sounds like if we just relax and enjoy our summer he might be getting on board before too much longer. And I can deal with that, lol. 

Bebuh

GhostMonkey:

Didn't you discuss this stuff prior to marriage? Not "yay, babies would be fun" and leave it at that, but actually discuss what you both had in mind for when to start trying for a child? Yup. We got married at 23, and I told him I thought 27 sounded like the right age for us. We wanted to have some time to just be married, work on our house, save up some money, etc. Well I turn 27 next month, which is why I was pushing for some sort of time line, but he's not ready to commit to a month yet.

So he won't put a timeframe on when to start trying. Fine. Did you at least discuss when to revisit the topic? It should be completely off the table until that time.  I told him I want him to be 100% on board with me so we can be in this together. We have a trip to Maui planned this fall, and I wanted to start after that, so I'm not going to bring it up again until then.

I don't think it sounds like he's on board at all. It sounds like he's throwing you some lines to get you to shut up about it. I can see why it might look that way from an outside view, but I know my DH, and he would always rather be brutally honest than hide behind lies. 

 

bugandbibs

Don't bring it up again until after your trip. The topic of babies and all things related should not pass your lips. Find other things to focus on like savings goals, home improvements, or fitness goals. Good luck!

Kristinmo

Bebuh:

GhostMonkey:

Didn't you discuss this stuff prior to marriage? Not "yay, babies would be fun" and leave it at that, but actually discuss what you both had in mind for when to start trying for a child? Yup. We got married at 23, and I told him I thought 27 sounded like the right age for us. We wanted to have some time to just be married, work on our house, save up some money, etc. Well I turn 27 next month, which is why I was pushing for some sort of time line, but he's not ready to commit to a month yet.

So he won't put a timeframe on when to start trying. Fine. Did you at least discuss when to revisit the topic? It should be completely off the table until that time.  I told him I want him to be 100% on board with me so we can be in this together. We have a trip to Maui planned this fall, and I wanted to start after that, so I'm not going to bring it up again until then.

I don't think it sounds like he's on board at all. It sounds like he's throwing you some lines to get you to shut up about it. I can see why it might look that way from an outside view, but I know my DH, and he would always rather be brutally honest than hide behind lies. 

 

When you were 23 and told him that you wanted to TTC at 27, what did he say?  Did he agree to that? 

lynnirene

I could almost have written this word for word about my DH! He doesnt want to discuss it, yet he won't give me a time frame, or even a set date on when we will revisit the topoc. He just keeps saying he's "getting closer".  I do believe he is being sincere, in that there will be a time in the future when he is ready to start trying, but in the meantime, it is very frustrating for me, waiting for that as of yet undetermined time.

So I feel like I can totally relate to your situation. Your guy will probably come around eventually, (just like mine will too, hopefully) and like you and others have said, keep busy and enjoy your trip and hobbies until then And feel free to pm me anytime you need to vent!