WDPT: Kids with ipads at restaurants

74dragonfly

I have noticed something several times lately and I was wondering what you think.

When we go out to eat I see kids with ipads or iphones watching TV shows or a movie, headphones on, zoned out the entire time. Their parents pretty much ignore them and are having adult conversations. This really makes me judgy.  

1. Their kids isn't being taught to behave in a restaurant.  They are being taught to zone out.

2. They don't seem a part of the family, more like they were stuck having their kids along with them.

3. I hate this idea that a kid must have constant stimulation.

When we take DD (almost 4.5yo) out to eat (1-2 times per week) we bring things for her to color, sticker books, hidden pictures, etc. But we interact with her. And those things go away when the meal comes.  

What do you think? 

 

stilts1

It's not for us, but whatever others do is up to them.  We usually try coloring/books/etc too, but if those don't work and the food is taking forever then we'll whip out the phone to look at pictures. When she's older we'll probably just sit and talk but for now  I'll use any tool that avoids an all out meltdown.

tarebear9891

We use the iPhone as a reward for sitting through dinner well behaved. They sit quietly and interact with us while they eat and they get a little iPhone time at the end. Usually this is so we can finish up in peace.

bibby32714

We use educational games on the ipad to entertain during a long car ride or a long wait at a resteraunt.  It is better than a bored child.  He isn't watching shows or movie, he is learning shapes and abc's and puzzles. 

tifdaski84

2. They don't seem a part of the family, more like they were stuck having their kids along with them

This is what I tend to think when I see it BUT I don't know their particular situation.  Maybe that's their 4th time out that week becuase of events/travelling/whatever and the kid's getting tired of it.  I try not to judge it especially since I'm not at that stage yet.  I will say that we will try our best not to have to entertain him with electronics but who knows.

bibby32714

We use educational games on the ipad to distract on long car rides or long waits.  They are short games and we make sure we talk to him during it, congrats on scores or figuring out the puzzle etc.  It is better than bored child crawling all over or misbehaving and bothering other customers.

74dragonfly

fredalina:

In general I agree with you on all points. If a family lets the kids zone out every time they go to a restaurant, especially assuming kids are typically developing, IMO that's not great. However, there are extenuating circumstances. Child has autism, family is on vacation and everyone is extremely tired but need to eat out and this keeps kids less cranky, just had to wait 45 minutes for a table and again, this keeps kids less cranky, that kind of thing. Or maybe if the gathering were big, long and boring, like a whole lot of adult friends with very few kids or extended family talking about adult stuff for an hour after the food is gone. For a regular "wait 10 minutes to order, 10 minutes for food, eat for 20, out within 45 minutes" situation with just regular family, I don't even take extra snacks or sticker books. Most places have crayons and coloring pages though.

I do try to think there could be other circumstances. I wondered if I was being judgy hence the post.

Full disclosure I fully embrace the ipad for place rides and long (over 3 hour) car trips.  

74dragonfly

-auntie-:

Meh.

So long as their kids are quiet and not annoying me, whatever gets them through the meal. DH and I grabbed a bite the other night near a family of 6- everyone was using some electronics at some point in the meal including both parents. 

 

This is also something I notice which bugs me, families out to eat and parents are glued to their smartphone the entire time.  I find it extra sad when it is a young couple, like on a date, and they don't even speak most the time, just look at their gadget.

kcisthebombdotcom

I definitely feel like you do. I think it's unfortunate we're raising a generation of kids who need a screen in front of their face to do something less desirable like wait for a meal or in a doctors office. I judge people whose kids are glued to electronics from the second they sit down to the second they leave, not even stopping to order their own meal or eat it. If a parent pulls out their phone after their kids finish eating as a reward for five minutes--not so much. 

i think there's an exception for a child with special needs whose parents need a break and want to outsource the cooking/cleaning for a meal on occasion. For a typically developing kid there's absolutely no need to stick them on front of an electronic device the whole time you're at a restaurant. 

shaunnna

I'm a lurker, but when I was younger I would try to bring my books out to restaurants and it was not allowed. My parents confiscated my book at the dinner table, and I got it back after dinner. Otherwise I would just zone out and not engage in dinner conversation.

My son is nowhere near the age yet where I might have this conflict, but this is my experience with it as a kid.

BeachBum73

Just like anything else - there are people that "abuse" the iPad and use it as a babysitter and some people who maybe only use it at restaurants or as a "treat".  Maybe the people you see go out to eat once a month and they only way they can have an enjoyable experience is to give their kid(s) the iPad to keep them occupied.  Or maybe it's their last resort. Who knows?  My son is a spirited kid and after a normal day, I need a break  After a rough day, I'm happy to hand him the iPad and "ignore" him and I really don't give a flying f what other people think of me.  I guess I don't get the point in judging that.

LaceFace14

iPad/iPhoneno. Kid toys? Sure. I don't have an iPad but I don't let my children play with my iPhone. DD1 has a leap pad for car rides but in restaurants we just talk. A lot of friends who have kids her age 5 have bought their kids their own iPad but I'm not into 500 toys for small children. But I don't care what they do. My DD is still having screen time with her toy it's just not as pricey and specifically made for kids. DS wouldn't be entertained by a screen yet anyway.

RondackHiker

KKDRAGONFLY:

-auntie-:

Meh.

So long as their kids are quiet and not annoying me, whatever gets them through the meal. DH and I grabbed a bite the other night near a family of 6- everyone was using some electronics at some point in the meal including both parents. 

 

This is also something I notice which bugs me, families out to eat and parents are glued to their smartphone the entire time.  I find it extra sad when it is a young couple, like on a date, and they don't even speak most the time, just look at their gadget.

Perhaps you've judged DH and I a time or two. When we road trip we'll talk while we drive or listen to books on tape, but then want a break when we eat. So we update family with where we are, reply to emails, etc.

Obviously less time on smart phones when DS is with us, but I really don't care what others do.

Unknown

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mom2pottamus

We only tend to go to places that the kids like, which helps keeping them engaged.  I have to say they are pretty good, but if it is a long wait for food or longer than they can deal with we will let DS play a game or two on my iphone.  I always have a bag of figurines in my purse for DD and I am happy to let her have them at any point during the meal.

We have a no phone rule during meals at home, so when its eating time no one plays with the phone.

ppants

I agree with you 100% OP

MirandaHobbes

I feel guilty toting the ipad with headphones for meals out. DS does have autism and being in a loud restaurant makes him edgy and anxious. On the other hand, the ipad is a crutch for him at the restaurant. He'll ask for it as soon as his butt is in the chair (after asking if there is wifi in the restaurant). For DH and I, it's the only bit of quiet we have in the extremely rare event we go to a restaurant. Before his portable DVD player (and then Ipad) we couldn't go to restaurants at all- literally, the last time we tried pre-electronics he was 3 and we had to leave because he was so overwelmed by the wood-burning stove.

I guess what I'm saying is, SN or not, it's about balance. We do obviously take away the electronics while he is eating, and we could try harder to get him to color or whatever (he hates coloring). But in the end, you do what you have to do. I do worry that DS is really dependent on electronics, but it's something we're working on. Like PP said, he spends almost 10 hours a day at daycare/school with no screen time, so it's not a huge deal, although I always feel guilty on Monday mornings when I count up how much time he spent on the Ipad over the weekend.

wino2006

LoveLossHopeRepeat:

An iPod is a back-up for us when other sources of entertainment are exhausted or just not capturing her attention.

Honestly, though, she spends all day at school learning and being stimulated with non-screen time. She spends after-care time at a daycare with kids too little for her to play with, struggling to entertain herself. If an iPod in the car or for 20 minutes while we wait for food is something that makes her happy, I'm not going to worry about it. 

This. I was just at a restaurant this weekend with the girls that wasn't super family friendly-no kids menus, no crayons for coloring. After the girls were bored playing with little cars I keep in my purse for that purpose, I let them play with my phone and iPod touch. It kept them quiet and from disturbing the other guests. We do limit screen time though and sometimes the only time they may get it is at a restaurant while waiting for their food.

KJmashup

Packerfan79:

Judge away..we bring our tablet with us and once he starts screaming cause he's bored and doesnt want to be sitting in his chair coloring we whip it out and he plays games with us on it.  We dont go to restaurants without it.  We still talk to him and engage but we like to eat without the t-rex scream.

Here's where I am at. 

kcisthebombdotcom

EllaHella:

I judge a screaming kid that isn't given a distraction.

ETA- ok, not really judge. But come on, can you give a life lesson at home instead? 

no, I don't think you can replicate learning to wait at a restaurant at home. I'm the opposite-I'd rather see a kid whining than a parent rewarding whining with an iPad so they shut up. Kids aren't born with the natural instinct of how to act appropriately in public. It's a learned skill and gets better with practice. I do get what you're saying though-I don't think you should expect an 18 month old to sit quietly with their hands in their lap for 30 minutes. I just don't know if I feel it's appropriate they zone out to some flashing lights though. 

i notice the natural response is that maybe a kid had a long day, maybe the waits long, etc. I just wouldn't even bother sitting at a restaurant with my kids like that-I don't want to set them up to fail. I'd get take out and call it a day. 

klondikebar

I've never done it and never will. My youngest is going into kindergarten and beyond the whiny toddler phase so I can safely say never on this one;)

I do think it's good to try other distraction s and not whip out an electronic the second you are seated. That said, I really don't care what others do. I'd rather not hear other kids whining and screaming in a restaurant so have at it.

74dragonfly

Mom2Oli:

So a book or puzzle is ok if it's not on an iPad? I am just making notes, so I can make sure I'm not judged when I go out to eat with my 10 second attention span toddler.

With a book or puzzle I can still talk to my kids. If she has earphones on I can't.

74dragonfly

As I said in my original post I'm talking about the kids who arrive at restaurant, immediately get ipad and headphones and are like that the whole time. This is not the parents who show kids photos or a game for a few minutes.

Mjmksb04

Oh geez. Most of the time we eat at kid friendly restaurants so needing to distract him is not an issue. The rare times we bring him to a nicer restaurant, you bet I give him my iphone to play with to kill time while waiting in line to be seated or while we wait for our food or so my husband and I can have a normal conversation. I see nothing wrong with it and think this is truly a ridiculous thing to be judgy about.

Also, lol at the idea that if my child is playing with a gadget like that, I must NEVER talk to him. He is 4.5, he talks nonstop, which means every minute we are together, we are talking and if I want to give him a 15 minute respite to play a game while at a restaurant, what is the problem?

shadypines

Mjmksb04:

Oh geez. Most of the time we eat at kid friendly restaurants so needing to distract him is not an issue. The rare times we bring him to a nicer restaurant, you bet I give him my iphone to play with to kill time while waiting in line to be seated or while we wait for our food or so my husband and I can have a normal conversation. I see nothing wrong with it and think this is truly a ridiculous thing to be judgy about.

I agree with all this....

outnumbered

KKDRAGONFLY:

As I said in my original post I'm talking about the kids who arrive at restaurant, immediately get ipad and headphones and are like that the whole time. This is not the parents who show kids photos or a game for a few minutes.

I absolutely do not care what other parents choose to do with their children to keep them quiet at a restaurant.   

EVA116

Manneek1977:

Mjmksb04:

Oh geez. Most of the time we eat at kid friendly restaurants so needing to distract him is not an issue. The rare times we bring him to a nicer restaurant, you bet I give him my iphone to play with to kill time while waiting in line to be seated or while we wait for our food or so my husband and I can have a normal conversation. I see nothing wrong with it and think this is truly a ridiculous thing to be judgy about.

I agree with all this....

I also agree.

chardonnay24

I don't care for it.

We take stickers, crayons, small toys, and snacks and when we run out of options, one of us will take him for walk. If he's really misbehaving, we pack up and leave. If we want a quiet dinner, we get a babysitter.

LuckyDad

kiraliz2:

I say I don't care for it. Talk to me again in two years. LOL.

High five.

I do judge if it's making all kinds of noises other tables can hear. But really, dining out with a child can be stressful as heck. 

Ziegeficker

kiraliz2:

I say I don't care for it. Talk to me again in two years. LOL.

This is me.  In theory, I don't like the idea.  But in practice, I have to admit I've already caved and let LO watch the iPad in public to ease his fits.  And he's only 8 months old.  So, yea, I could see using it as a last resort, but I would hate to make a habit out of it for our family because mealtime is family time for us.  This doesn't mean I judge or give any sh!ts what other people choose for their own kids.

74dragonfly

Pfft:

You guys go out to eat a lot. I'm judging the lack of home-cooked meals your kids are getting.

ha ha 

EastCoastBride

When it comes to strangers in a restaurant- I couldn't care less.  Specifically because we don't know the "why" of why they are doing it.  

Now, a few years ago, my parents had my cousin and her family over to their house.  Their son was about 18 at the time.  He was on his phone texting the entire time they were there, including while we were eating.

THAT I judged. 

jorkz821

Pfft:

You guys go out to eat a lot. I'm judging the lack of homecooked meals your kids are getting.

lol

amykins1283

We use our phones to entertain DS2 as a last resort. If we're about to finish our meals and he's getting too antsy and misbehaving or about to have a meltdown and nothing else is working then we tell him that if he sits nicely he can play with mine or DH'S phone. I don't like doing it but I also don't like disturbing other diners. He is really good about giving the phone back when asked and understands that it is a treat to get to play.

FWIW, the child in question could have some sort of behavior issue that makes it difficult for them to control themselves. If the parents need the tablet in order to have a relaxing meal then I can't see an issue.

kcisthebombdotcom

mbenit4:

I don't see the difference between a kid coloring on a book or tablet. Either way the child is distracted. We interect with our kids. Whatever the distraction is goes away when food comes out. I don't see the issue. My kids know how to behave in restaurants with or without electronics.

you don't see a difference with a kid and an iPad or coloring book? Really?

if my kids playing with a coloring book, I can join their play. I'll tell them to color the eyes/feet/hat/whatever and they will. A kid on an iPad is completely in a trance of staring at the screen. Its a far less interactive form of play.  

RondackHiker

KC_13:

mbenit4:

I don't see the difference between a kid coloring on a book or tablet. Either way the child is distracted. We interect with our kids. Whatever the distraction is goes away when food comes out. I don't see the issue. My kids know how to behave in restaurants with or without electronics.

you don't see a difference with a kid and an iPad or coloring book? Really?

if my kids playing with a coloring book, I can join their play. I'll tell them to color the eyes/feet/hat/whatever and they will. A kid on an iPad is completely in a trance of staring at the screen. Its a far less interactive form of play.  

I've played with my kid with an iPad...

EastCoastBride

Packerfan79:

KC_13:

mbenit4:

I don't see the difference between a kid coloring on a book or tablet. Either way the child is distracted. We interect with our kids. Whatever the distraction is goes away when food comes out. I don't see the issue. My kids know how to behave in restaurants with or without electronics.

you don't see a difference with a kid and an iPad or coloring book? Really?

if my kids playing with a coloring book, I can join their play. I'll tell them to color the eyes/feet/hat/whatever and they will. A kid on an iPad is completely in a trance of staring at the screen. Its a far less interactive form of play.  

Nope.  Have you ever seen the puzzles they have for tablets?  My kid and I do them together.  There are a ton of apps that dont require them to stare at it with no interaction from you.  What a silly thing to say.

Yeah.  This.  SOME kids may be "in a trance", but being on an iPad doesn't make that a given.

DS plays tons of games AND he watches videos.  With all of it, it's "hey mom - look at this.  Look at my score/ isn't this funny, etc".  Sometimes he may be in a trance- I won't lie. There are those days that he's just tired and wants to zone out.

 But the idea that iPad automatically = trance for all kids all the time? nope.

robinsokj

We try not to take the kids out at bad times for them.  Knowing how to behave in public is huge for me.  For me, that means knowing how to act without electronics.  We talk to them, bring snacks, go at the "right" time for them.  I'll give them my phone if theres some sort of snag in the plans and we're at a restaurant 2 hours past their bedtime, but no, I'm not giving them a friggin ipad to play with. 

 

And we wonder why people are staring at a phone screen while at dinner with you instead of interacting

outnumbered

RondackHiker:

KC_13:

mbenit4:

I don't see the difference between a kid coloring on a book or tablet. Either way the child is distracted. We interect with our kids. Whatever the distraction is goes away when food comes out. I don't see the issue. My kids know how to behave in restaurants with or without electronics.

you don't see a difference with a kid and an iPad or coloring book? Really?

if my kids playing with a coloring book, I can join their play. I'll tell them to color the eyes/feet/hat/whatever and they will. A kid on an iPad is completely in a trance of staring at the screen. Its a far less interactive form of play.  

 

I've played with my kid with an iPad...

Again, I absolutely do not care how other parents choose to entertain their kids at a restaurant.  I am not a better parent because my kids are coloring the place mat and some other kids are coloring on the iPad.  I do not care if your teenager has headphones on through the whole meal.  I only care about my family and our enjoyment.

Aside from the whole restaurant thing... 

 I've also interacted with my kid while he/she is on an iPad.  I help them when they play hangman.  I talk about drawings they make.  I give them a set of money problems.  If my daughter and son are reading they are far away in another world and are much less interactive.

RondackHiker

EllaHella:

outnumbered:

  I only care about my family and our enjoyment.

 

Gah.  This is too logical.  Get out of here with that.

Logic has no place here.

p1nklemonade

i agree with you, i think it's bad.  but, we're entering the stage where dd is sometimes monstrous at restaurants and i've resorted to using the phone as a distraction.