Loss CheckIn

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies!


Welcome to our Friday checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

shandorfml2

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. I did get a nice box to put all her stuff in, and that makes me happy

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? No new goals as of yet. Next one will be to pack some of her stuff, but we are ttc so we're leaving her room as the nursery.

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss? Yes. We've gotten closer. We've been able to lean on eachother. It was really hard, since we grieve differently but we're closer than ever and I couldn't have made it without him.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Missing my girl as always. Getting to that point where everyone else has moved on, and don't really check up on me or bring it up. So that's kind of hard.

JessicaG220

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  I have really, really tried to focus on the future and not dwell on things I could have, should have, or wish I would have done.  I am trying my hardest to accept that I can't change what happened, no matter how badly I want to.  I have also tried to keep myself from cringing or getting upset when I hear others talking about their babies.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  My newest goal is to get my body and my mind in the best shape possible for a successful pregnancy.  After surgery this past week to have my uterine septum resected, I have fallen back a bit into bad eating habits, but now that I am recovering I plan to get back into eating healthy and I will get back on the elliptical.

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss? 
 As most of us have said, my husband and I are closer than we've ever been.  We have bee together for 12 years and married for almost 5, and I feel like I'm getting to know him better than ever before.  I cherish every second we get to spend together (even this one as I sit here typing and he reads his book!   )
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  My co-worker whose due date is 3 weeks after mine was is getting bigger by the day.  I am jealous of her, but not because I want her baby or that I want to be her.  I am so happy with my life and all of the wonderful things I have.  I just long to be pregnant and to have that sweet baby to look forward to.  I miss the innocence that I gave up when we lost Ava.  I am truly sad that I will be an emotional wreck if I am fortunate enough to have a "next time".   

princezjk

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I attended a perinatal loss support group in my area this week. It's a small group and they meet once a month. I think it will be good resource as we work towards healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My goals are pretty small right now. I would just like to get my home in order. I did a good job of catching up on laundry today. Hoping to make more progress with my spring cleaning. I was supposed to have family over the weekend I lost Izzie 3 weeks ago to get our home cleaned and prepped for baby. Now I feel like its a project I can and should tackle.

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss?

Not really. Again, we are only 3 weeks out from our loss. We are still really focusing on being there for each other and making sure we communicate. I do feel the differences in our grieving process, but so far it doesn't seem to be dividing us. I am hopeful that we can stay ahead of the grief so as not to let it have a negative impact on our relationship. Right now he is my rock and I don't know what I would do without my DH.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Still struggling to understand how this could happen. Still no answers from the docs and I am just battling a lot of guilt for losing my sweet Izzie girl. Hoping with time I will be able to forgive myself.

shandorfml2

mrsgerman:

shandorfml2:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Missing my girl as always. Getting to that point where everyone else has moved on, and don't really check up on me or bring it up. So that's kind of hard.

I am also feeling that every one else is beginning to move on where as I am still very much in pain. I know i will forever feel pain from this where as everyone else will not. This has kind of made me start to feel very alone.

You are not alone. Though I know it can feel like it. It used to make me mad when people seemed to be moving on, but now, I just make sure I keep her apart of my life, be sad when I'm sad and feel all the love I have for her. 

amandager99

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I was able to find a grief counselor to go to.  She specializes in working with women and all things surrounding motherhood (ppd, ttc, infertility, perinatal los s, etc).  I have officially started and continued working on a tumblr page to help me get me feelings out and share.  I haven't shared it yet with any family members, don't know when/if I will, but am happy to share with anyone here who may be interested.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I have been given the go ahead to kind of return to life as normal, physically speaking.  I want to start working on losing the weight I put on and would love to be back to pre pregnancy weight by the end of the year, but a steady loss is all I ask for.  I plan on starting to walk a few times a week to get started and then hope to make it back in to the gym.

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss?

We are still very early in our loss, only two weeks ago today.  Right now we are being very aware of supporting each other in whatever it is the other needs to grieve (right now I need to cry, while he likes to get out and do) and keeping the communication open and honest and there.   

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

We had a major emotional set back at the beginning of the week, right now I'm just ready to start feeling better.  This week has made us feel like that first week, raw and numb and lost.  Hoping next week we can start moving forward again. 

cawettig

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

Not really, I feel like I have gone back again. I am trying to heal but I just can't this week. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I want to heal, I want to be able to cope. I need to think positive, ever since I lost her I can only think negatively. I want to enjoy my life again. 

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss? 

It definitely has. We are closer but lately I have been blocking him out. I feel like since he is doing so well and I am not that I don't want to bring him down with me and I want him to be happy, with me being so unhappy how can he be so happy?  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I went back to work last week and had my full week this last week. IT SUCKED SO BAD... Everyone saying welcome back and how is the baby doing and everyone saying how sorry they are. On Friday I was charge nurse in the emergency room. Which means I have to stay at the nurses desk for the most part of the shift and help everyone. Well there was a baby in one patients room on the left side of the desk and another baby as a patient on the right side of the desk. Both of them were her age...well what would be her age, and both of them would not stop crying. It was killing me, my chest was burning and I was about to loose it. One of my friends came to me and asked how I was doing and I just lost it and said too loud "would someone just shut the *** babies up?!" just as I said that my boss walked right by... g...r...e...a...t...

I feel horrible for saying that about the innocent babies, it was just killing me hear them.  

angelsnight

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  No.  I actually feel like I've taken a few steps back.  The last couple days I have been so much more sad than I have for the last few weeks, my heart feels heavy.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  I'd like to get all of her stuff put into her memory box.  But it has to be something I want to do.  I won't enjoy it if I feel like if I have to, so I will wait until the mood strikes me.

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss?  Yes, I feel like it's brought us closer.  He is the only other person on earth that knows exactly how I feel since he went through it to, and I feel like it's bonded us even more.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? My shower would have been next Saturday.  I have some projects in mind around the house to keep myself occupied. 

bunnybun4

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I feel like I have made some major steps this week...for the first time in a long time I am starting to feel more like myself...last week I met a woman that lost her daughter to SIDS a few years ago...she gave me some great advice and A LOT of comfort and hope.  DH and I went out of town this weekend and I finally named my LO...this was a huge step I have been trying to take for a while...then yesterday we saw a double rainbow in the sky...made me think of her and how she is perfect and happy in heaven. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? trying to lose a little weight before I am off the bench again...just exercising and trying ot eat clean.

QOTW: Do you feel that your relations ship has changed with your SO since your loss? oh yes...through our loss I have found out that I married the most perfect man in the world for me.  I can't imagine someone treating me better than he has...he just seems to know exactly what to do when things get really bad.  He has been such a comfort to me.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? tomorrow will be 5 weeks from my 2nd loss/d&c...and still no AF...I am so impatient this time.  Last time my OB benched me for 6 months so I wasn't as obessive about it, but this time I am crazy.  just ready for my body to get back to normal!!!