Question for the foster parents ...

KaliChick

Let me preface this with I'm not an adoptive or foster mom.  I am a preschool owner/director that currently has 2 students that are with foster families enrolled (they are not with the same families ... just coincidental that I have 2 right now).

My question is, how much feedback would you expect from your foster child's preschool?  In both situations the children are visiting with their birthparents.  In one, the child was removed almost a year ago and the other is very recent (less than a month).

This morning the one that was recently removed had some issues (nothing major) and then was wanting to talk to a teacher a bit about her past.  We NEVER pry and don't ask questions but let them know they can talk at any time.  Our policy is to then relay it all (good or bad) to the foster parents.  I don't ever want a parent to think we're asking questions as it's certainly not our place to do so (but sometimes basics help), but I want them to know if the child is telling us stuff.  This child shared some VERY basic information (no real identifying information .... just that they lived in an old house and "had to get out of there") ... but kept testing by asking "can I tell you something?" and then  would essentially say the same thing over again.

I told the foster mom what the child had said and how we handled it.  The child had come to school with a not so great attitude so I explained how we helped turn it around.  FM was appreciative of the information and shared that the kids (they have siblings) had a visit with BM yesterday which resulted in A LOT of questions. 

I know that as foster parents you are required to fill out documentation, etc and I assume that post visit behavior (conversations, etc) would be important.  Yes? No?  Is there anything else you'd like to know? 

In both cases we have very little information.  We do not know why the children were removed from their homes (not that we need to know) just how long ago it was and that in both cases the FP would like to adopt and these are considered long term placements.

Thanks!

mommytoconnor

It is vitally important that you relay all info back to foster parents.  They are required to notify of issues, specifically behaviors to CPS.  Most foster parents keep like a log of reports they receive to give to CPS, especially post visit issues.  Keep in mind that you are on a "need to know basis", meaning the foster care parents are not allowed to discuss specifics with you unless you "need to know" to take care of the child. 

JennaNAaron

mommytoconnor:

It is vitally important that you relay all info back to foster parents.  They are required to notify of issues, specifically behaviors to CPS.  Most foster parents keep like a log of reports they receive to give to CPS, especially post visit issues.  Keep in mind that you are on a "need to know basis", meaning the foster care parents are not allowed to discuss specifics with you unless you "need to know" to take care of the child. 

 

It's also important to the foster parents because I know that in our county DSS doesn't give foster parents much info, so you relaying what a child says helps the foster parent to also get a better picture of where that child has come from.

elissaann26

So I would HIGHLY encourage you to tell the foster parent EVERYTHING, even things that seem to be irrelevant because they may not actually be.  I love our daycare because they are super transparent with everything that goes on with our foster kiddos.  For the older children who have more conversations and behavior (good or bad) we kept a notebook for each child.  The daycare teachers would make notes daily in that notebook about any said (direct quotes were so helpful since many times they didn't know the meaning but we did) and any behaviors that occurred.  In our last placement this notebook was actually reviewed as evidence in court.  I can't disclose specifically why, but it shows the HUGE importance of this type of information. 

Also the more information you share with the foster parents, the more consistency you are able to provide for the child.  We often discuss with our daycare on how we should approach a specific behavior.  That way we have the same expectations at home and at daycare- and the same consequences.  This really shows the child that rules are rules and that everyone expects for them to behave no matter where they are.  

If you have more specific questions, PLEASE ask!  I triple-puffy-heart my daycare and will not accept a foster placement unless they have an available spot for that child.  Yes, I'm that crazy.  But having an amazing daycare who supports the foster care process is SO important and really makes those insanely tough times so much easier.  Our daycare has actually become known among foster parents and has become sought after because of their good reputation for supporting the system.

***This is slightly off topic, but I wanted to include this because I thought it might be useful to you.  Security has been a HUGE issue for us.  While most daycare centers have policies regarding security, we have found that many are very relaxed when actually implementing them.  Since it is more common for us to not look like the children we foster (we are white and there is a much higher percentage of minority children who are in care in our county), we wanted to make sure that security was a top priority- especially since there was real threats of biological relatives trying to pick up the foster children.  Our daycare is amazing.  They will even turn away our county transportation workers if they come at a time that we have not approved.  If the worker puts up a stink, then they will call us to have us approve the worker taking the child before they allow the child to leave.  All of the teachers and aides are aware of who is allowed to pick up the child (via picture) to guarantee others don't have access to them. Between this and the open communication, we LOVE our daycare.

KaliChick

Ladies, thank you SO much!  This is all so helpful!  Like I said, we currently have 2 children from separate families in our care.  This is a first placement for both families so I think we're all navigating in some newer water. 

I didn't want the parents to feel we were listening for stuff or singling out their child, but I also want them to have any information that is helpful for the child.  I totally understand that we are on a "need to know" basis which is why I said we would never ask specific questions.  It is important that the children trust us (regardless of how they come to their family), but I think it's even more crucial in some circumstances.  This one particular child was definitely testing the waters a bit on trust.  I told her Foster Mom and she seemed grateful.

I think I will ask her today at pickup if she'd just like me to email this sort of information to her.  That way she has it documented.

In regards to the security ... Our front door (the only access point into the school ... you can't even see our play yards from the front) is locked (from the outside, inside is unlocked for safety) and requires a code to get in.  Our staff knows to never let a child go with someone we don't know (or isn't on their approved list).  In both cases, the only people allowed to pick up the child are the foster parents and the social worker.  I've asked both parents to please notify us if the social worker is supposed to come (they haven't yet) so we would know it was okay that day.

Again, thank you all so much!  I don't want to "bother" a parent with useless information or not share enough so this helps so much.