WWYD?

Stormy8881

DH and I always wanted our kiddos close in age (like 2 years apart give or take a few months). We had planned on trying for #2 around DS's 1st birthday coming up. Then my little brother got engaged and is now getting married end of next May across the country. I can't miss that so we have pushed trying back enough so that if we get lucky the first month trying I will still be able to fly to the wedding.

My questions are: Am I a bad sister for planning on being fairly pregnant for the wedding? There is a possibility I am going to be asked to be a bridesmaid and if I am... should I say yes even if I plan on being pregnant? I'd LOVE to be one! Also, do I tell them in advance that we hope to be pregnant or wait until it happens and deal with it then?

For some reason my Mom seems to think I would decide to wait to try for #2 until after the wedding but that is much farther apart than I want my kids.

salt78

People are pregnant for weddings all the time. Even bridesmaids. I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all.

And I would wait until it happens and deal with it then.

orangehills

That's tricky. You could wait till Nov/Dec to try and then you'd be ok if you were pregnant because you wouldn't be too pregnant. If you try any time soon now, if it takes you a bit longer than you thought, you could be too far along to travel or about to give birth. I wouldn't say anything to them about you trying. If they ask you to be a bridesmaid, say yes- and if you get pregnant, deal with that then. You being pregnant should have no affect on you being a bridesmaid, you'd just have a bigger dress! But I wouldn't wait until after the wedding to try, no way.

FemShep

Why on earth would you be a bad sister for being pregnant during the wedding?  Is your brother a bad brother for scheduling a wedding when you might be pregnant?

People get married and have kids all the time.  Life goes on.  Don't mention a possible pregnancy until it becomes an actual pregnancy and you know what kind of plans you may need to rearrange (dress alterations, etc). 

JNCPro3130

I wouldn't put your family on hold for your brother's wedding and no, I don't think you'd be a bad sister for expanding your family. As others have said, do what you and your DH think is best and then do what you need to for your brother's wedding.

SmileyJay

I think you should get pregnant when you feel like getting pregnant. The size of your family, the age gap between your kids, etc. is permanent while the wedding is a one day thing. 

Would getting pregnant before the 1 year birthday solve any of these issues? I don't think a matter of a few months makes a big difference in the long run. It would also allow you to just ahead and plan ahead if it happens right away. Just a thought!

What if you hold off getting pregnant and the wedding never happens or the dates get changed? You never know.  I just would consider the pregnancy as a first priority and figure out all the details later.

If you decide to wait to get pregnant and before you ttc they ask you to be a bridesmaid I think you should accept anyways and figure things out later. Just keep your fingers crossed that your future SIL loves umpire waist bridesmaid's dresses! You will get yourself into a conundrum if it takes longer to conceive and you are practically offering up details about your sex life. 

Stormy8881

Thanks ladies! You confirmed all my feelings....was just letting my mom get to me I guess.

We will just go ahead a start trying once we squeak past the point where I'd be able to fly to the wedding and see what happens! I'd love to try earlier so the baby would be due before the wedding but we are moving soon so that isn't the best timing for us.

Luckily, my brother's fiancee is darling. I just don't want to create any problems for her because she is really the type to not speak up about things that might be upsetting her. I will just be the best bridesmaid I can be (if i am one) and tell her if and when i get pregnant. I actually had a 5 month pregnant bridesmaid so I can hope that future SIL will be as thrilled as I was for my bridesmaid. 

Courtimilk

Stormy8881:

Thanks ladies! You confirmed all my feelings....was just letting my mom get to me I guess.

We will just go ahead a start trying once we squeak past the point where I'd be able to fly to the wedding and see what happens! I'd love to try earlier so the baby would be due before the wedding but we are moving soon so that isn't the best timing for us.

Luckily, my brother's fiancee is darling. I just don't want to create any problems for her because she is really the type to not speak up about things that might be upsetting her. I will just be the best bridesmaid I can be (if i am one) and tell her if and when i get pregnant. I actually had a 5 month pregnant bridesmaid so I can hope that future SIL will be as thrilled as I was for my bridesmaid. 

PS, don't let your mom in on your TTC plans.