Six years ago right now, I was calling DH to tell him I thought I was having a miscarriage. I was 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant and knew something was wrong. I had no car, DH was an hour away and I knew very little about preterm labor. I waited for the paramedics to come only to be told since I wasn't bleeding, they didn't think it was an emergency. While waiting for DH to get home, all I could to was pray, "Dear God, please don't let my baby be dead."
A few hours later, I was told DD would be born within the next 72 hours and after that no one knew what would happen. She was born just 8 hours later. It was not a happy birth. People kept saying congratulations and wanting to take pictures and all I could feel was that it was like going to a funeral.
Tomorrow I'll be happy, but tonight, not so much. It didn't help that earlier, DH casually mentioned to DD, "You know, just 6 years ago tonight, your mommy was calling me to tell me she thought you were on your way." That kind of started all of this.
I know you ladies will understand. I'm so thankful DD has made it this far, and after 6 years, it's a lot better, but it's still hard sometimes. I promise, though, it does get better.
Edited to fix formatting
Re: Six years ago tonight
Happy Birthday Abby! Hugs Mama.
you have such great perspective. Im glad you let yourself run through those emotions last night but also have the emotional capacity to celebrate with your daughter today.
In some ways I am relieved to hear that while things get easier that the emotions of it still persist. It is from those emotions that I really get fueled to advocate for my daughter as well as continue to be passionate about prematurity research and care.
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