Jealousy

4luvof2boys

I posted before that my adoptive sons are spending time with their BM for the next three weeks.  I am truly happy for them and happy for her.  I'm having a little difficulty with other feelings that are rising up, especially my jealousy.  She hasn't been in the picture for the entire time I've been raising them until last year.  Even then, it has only been phone calls, and her visit here to our home for a week.  I see the pictures she is posting on FB and they are all having a wonderful time which I am very glad about.  She is pulling out all the stops - which she should.  And, of course, I want them to have a positive experience.

 

But there is a knot in my stomach.  When I see her post "my sons this and my sons that" there is a part of me that wants to slap her.  Where were you for the last six years I want to reply.  What have you contributed to the beautiful young men that we just put on a plane to visit you?  Who are you to parade them around like you had anything to do with it other than giving birth and shortly thereafter disappearing?  I, ME, THIS GIRL, is their mother.  The one who went through hell to earn their trust, soothe their broken hearts, and create stability in their lives.  God, I feel like an azz even typing this but I just need to get it out.  I am so freaking jealous.

 

Rationally and IRL, I have to stuff these feelings so thanks for letting me express it here.  Not sure if I'm just venting, wanting you guys to tell me to grow up, or wanting someone to say I know just how you feel.  It has been a long process getting to this point.  DH and both boys are better off without all the anger towards her, etc.  But I feel horrible that I don't want them to have too much fun.

Littlejen22

You have every right to feel that way. Try to enjoy the alone time and they will be home soon.

Pamelacake

I don't think you are in the wrong at all. I don't know your backstory but I think I will probably be like this in a few years. I get so angry at BM when she lies to my SD's and my DH mistakes it for jelousy that I'm afraid he will get back with her. I told him that would be the stupidest thing ever and told him in the beginning that if we ever did separate that I wanted if not to take them with me, at least visitation. lol.

DH's attorney is talking about me adopting SD's. He says it's a little soon but is a very good possibility in the future. BM has seen them I think 5 times this year.. I would have to check my notes to be sure as I may be giving her extra credit. BM is entitled to EOWE and they have only spent 2 nights with her and it has never been a full wknd. She never uses her holiday time and even skipped mother's day weekend for the bar. Makes me so sick!

So vent away! I don't think you are in the wrong and It's' much better to vent  here than to say anything in front of the kids.

twister22

Your feelings make perfect sense, and you have every right to feel this way. Go get a massage and a pedicure, try to enjoy some alone time, and they have a great time with your DS's when they get back.

SimpleJane

I'm sorry. That has to be difficult. I hope you know though, those boys will grow up someday and when they look back at their lives it will be you that they remember as the person who loved and cared and sacrificed for them. NOT an absent BM who took them to do fun stuff a few times. It may seem like a thankless job sometimes but you will be the mother they remember and cherish. You are the woman who gets to help shape their lives. She won't get any of that.

Lavender P

What you are feeling is completely normal. Just remind yourself that as the boys get older they will remember that they had a fun trip with their BM, but that you, their REAL mom, was there every day. I can't remember the exact quote but it's something about how kids will never forget how you made them feel. You made these boys feel loved and wanted and that can never be replaced. Like pp said, do something nice for yourself while they are goneand enjoy your time with DH. You deserve it. 

MrsHetzel

I know how you feel. And it's safe to say we're not the only ones that feel this way so you're definitely not alone. I agree with PP, enjoy some you time and try not to let the jealousy take over the happiness you feel for your kids.

4luvof2boys

Thank you for the responses.  After I read the first one, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and spent some much needed quality time with DH.  We really had a nice time.  This morning I woke up feeling good.  It is a new day and I can put my big girl panties on.  This board has helped me get through some tough moments.  Last night was one of them.  Appreciate the support and feedback ladies.