- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Working Moms
golfbride11
member
annoying parent comment
golfbride11
member
in Working Moms
I'm a teacher and a mom of a 3yo who was very sick very often this year. It made for a stressful school year as I missed quite a bit of time at school (15 days total). Every time he was sick, I cried at the thought of having to call-in to work . . .again! Not only did I not want to miss work and my students. I also worried about parents and what they would think. Most were supportive and are also WMs so they totally understood. BUT . . . yesterday I received a copy of my parent surveys that the principal sent out and a parent complained about how much time I missed. I'm trying to take it in stride but it's feeding right into that insecurity I feel that I can't be a good mom and good teacher. I'm still struggling to find balance.
Ugh!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: annoying parent comment
I don't think it's a balance issue, that would be more if you're able to devote the after hour time to lesson planning and activities like you did before. This is a conscous choice - if you have no other options, something has to suffer. I'd choose my family over my job any day of the week.
If you're that concerned maybe look into some sort of backup daycare options for when LO is sick. Maybe family memebers could help, or friends, or your SO.
I teach middle school. I would let it roll right off my back. You know that you care about the kids at school, but you are a mom first now.
In my 11 years, I have found that there will always be at least one complainer or problematic parent no matter what you do. That's just what people do unfortuately.
Edit: Spelling
If it's the latter, I think you need a better backup care system. I've only called in sick once for DD in two years because we use a backup babysitting service and DH has also taken time off. And especially as a teacher, who's managing lesson plans and preparing kids for the next year, attendance is important.
This is not to make you feel more guilty, but you SHOULD be thinking about other options.
I'm a teacher, too, and I agree with this. You've missed almost a month of school. Also, when I'm out, even the best sub can't 100% carry out the curriculum the way I want it taught, so that means when I come back to work, I usually have some catch-up to do - I can't imagine trying to catch up 3 weeks. I only get 10 sick/personal days a year, so if I took 15 sick days, I'd miss out on pay for a week! DD started preschool this year after being at home with a nanny, so we went through 2 months of sickness after sickness, so I get that it's rough. DH and I have several backup plans to deal with DD. DH has a flexible work schedule, so he can stay home with DD and make up hours later. ILs can watch her. One of my neighbors is a SAHM, and can watch DD. We can call our previous nanny back for a day or so. Maybe you should look into back up plans for next school year, so you're not missing so much work.
That is a bummer. I hope next year goes better for you and your LO. Don't dwell on the negative, especially when it was out of your control. You can be a good mom and a good teacher, but there will be ebb and flow with both.
I'll admit that 15 days is alot but some people really don't have options. I know in my situation my spouse is often away travelling for work, we have no family here and the private sitters we looked at did not have options for drop in (full time only) and had the same sickness policy as day care. And we never came across a sitter that could come to our home for occasional care. Most we used were students who were available for weekends/evenings. Luckily my son was not out sick alot but I could see how it easily would have been rough if he had!
don't worry OP, it was one year and one parent. The sickness thing usually gets better as they build up immunity so there is light at the end of the tunnel!
I am a teacher and would honestly be dissatisified if my child's teacher missed that many days of school.
That being said, what's done is done. YOu did your best with what you had. You also mentioned that you hated missing school. It's not good for you or your students. Take some time this summer to find back up day care options besides you staying home with you LO. Having no family or in-laws near us, I had to get creative. I have nurse friends who work night shifts. On days off, they said they could help. I also have neighbors who do not work or work off hours. They're on my list of callers too. A few times DH and I have split days. DH has stayed home with DD a handful of days too. (Of course, DD almost always gets ill when he's out of town. Just my luck!)
Good luck!! With a little proactivness, next year is bound to be better.
Oh - and let that comment roll off your back. Some people are just looking for a complaint.
I would be bothered if my childs' teachers missed 15 days. The parent is not thinking of themselves. They are thinking of their child. 15 days is 3 weeks of school. That is tough on a classroom of kids.
I would not worry about it OP. I'm actually surprised that so many people are offended by 15 absences. I'm not a teacher, but my friends who are teachers get 15 days off...and at my job full-time employees get 15 days off a year for whatever - sick, vacation, etc. I thought 15 days was pretty standard.
Both my parents were teachers growing up and one of them always took off with me when I was sick. When I got to be a little older and we lived closer to a grandparent, I would stay with her. However, not everyone has a grandparent nearby or a trusted neighbor who can watch the child or even a spouse who can also take off. By way of example, my DH is a physician. If he misses work, he has to cancel 25+ patients...so it just simply isn't possible for him to take off work. Additionally, as someone who has been there, finding back up care on short notice isn't always that easy. When we had to let our nanny go (she was smoking on the job), we had a woman lined up and she then cancelled on us the night before. It was a major PITA. So I wouldn't feel bad, OP. If you are doing the best you can, that is all you can do. If you can find affordable, back-up care, that is great...but that isn't always the easiest thing to do if you don't have friends or family in the area who don't work.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
I am impressed so many people have reliable back up care. I have been lucky enough to use my mother-in-law 4 or 5 times this year, but it doesn't always work out. Other than that, I've got no one. Any one I would trust with my kids either live out of state, work, or stay home with their own kids and can't watch a sick child.
I missed a lot of school this year too, so don't feel alone.
Thanks for the comments and you're right that I hated it so I should expect others would be bothered. Obviously, if I could have avoided it, I would have. My son had pneumonia and I had the flu (the real flu. . . it sucked) in addition to just the collection of viruses daycare brings. It wasnt 15 days in a row but some came in clumps and others were scattered. Overall a crappy school year. We don't live anywhere near family and everyone we know works all day just like us.
I guess it hurts coming from a fellow mother since I would expect others to understand the struggle. If it were my child's teacher I would understand. Because now I can say I've been there. My boss has three kids and his wife is a sahm mom. He totally understands and said I need to let it go. I'm working on that. It's not a surprise but it still stings.
true and if I could figure out how to schedule my son's illnesses for summer vacation I would
As someone who never missed a day of work before having kids, I'd be inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt
exactly this.
Me too! If it's something that's not contagious then a family member may be available. That's if I'm lucky.
If it's something contagious, and sick almost always means contagious, then it's not like my back-up care could afford to get sick. I am the back-up care.Or DH is the back-up care.
I would not be pissed at all if you were my child's teacher. Missing time because your child is sick is out of your control. It's luck whether a child gets sick or not. And getting pissed at you for something that is out of your control is illogical.
this. But, 15 days is a lot. Can DH step in at any point?
The parent did not say she was pissed. It is not illogical to state on a job performance review that you do not like how much time your childs teaher was absent.
Wow! This got a lot of comments - more than the parents of my actual students.
My DH has stepped in. As I said, it was a terrible year. DS had everything from ear infections, conjunctivitis, impetigo to pneumonia. We are looking at him needing his adenoids removed now and I'm hopeful that will help a lot.
I never said I didn't understand the parents' feelings. Believe me. . . I do. I hate being out of school. I've been teaching for 15 years and never missed more than 2 days a year until LO came along. I am even guilty myself of judging others for being out a lot with sick kids. Karma came knocking in the form of many viruses for all 3 of us this year. I guess I expected the judgement from parents but it still hurts. It hit right in my weak spot - I have worried myself sick about my students and my ability to do my job all year. This is a job I love. I never wanted to give anything less than 100%. The majority of parents completely understood and were very supportive.
That said, my child is always going to come ahead of the 18 students in my class. I am not going to send him to school sick so he can share and/or pick up more germs. I don't have back-up and wouldn't even know where to begin hiring someone to watch my kid - only when he's sick.
Thanks for the comments. I appreciate the support from those who offered it and even appreciate the harsh ones - sort of.
One parent is not the majority. Try to focus on the majority of the comments, which were favorable. Even people who do not have children may come across a personal or family health related issue that would cause them to miss a lot of days. Your child had pneumonia. This is a serious condition. Lord willing, I don't expect him/her to have pneumonia every year.
I have a mom friend who is a teacher so I understand that teachers "have" to be in the classroom. I also, like you, would take off when my child was sick.
Thanks!
OP, apparently I'm in the minority but I am on your side in being hurt by the comment. I guess it's nice that everyone here has such reliable back up care. We have a nanny so when she is unable to work for whatever reason, it's either DH or I staying at home. We are pretty lucky that neither of us travel, so we each take turns staying home if need be, but we don't have family nearby that is available to watch DS if need be. And obviously when your child is sick it's pretty last minute to try to find someone else. A lot of sitters won't watch sick children or they aren't available on short notice when your child wakes up sick Monday morning. And a lot of daycares have sick policies and won't take children who have a fever of 100.4 or higher, or who are vomiting, have a certain amount of diarrheas per day, whatever.
Honestly, shiit happens. I don't have school aged children but I remember having subs plenty when I was a kid and it didn't upset me or ruin my day or my education. It's not like if you are out, this parent's kid sits in an empty classroom all day staring at a wall or has to stay home from school. I honestly don't get what the problem is. Maybe consistency but I don't know how much you can expect that really. DS was in daycare for about 5 months and I can definitely say there were at least 10 days where there was a sub teacher in the room because one of the teachers was sick or on vacation or whatever. And that's in 5 months. Life happens. Vacations, maternity leave, sick days, whatever.
Family comes first. Always. Any employer who doesn't understand that isn't a good employer, and it sounds like yours does or you would have heard about this sick day issue sooner. When I'm on my deathbed someday I'm not going to look back and wish I had taken less sick days. I'm sure plenty would disagree with me and say you can't support your family without a job or whatever but I don't see any evidence that you're putting your job in jeopardy so to me that argument is meaningless.
Just my two cents.
BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14. 4/27/14: Our second take home baby is here!
I can see both sides of this one. Part of it would be what you teach. If you're teaching AP calc, missing 15 days would be fatal to the grade of most students. If you're teaching first grade PE, I think it would be easier to accept.
What I'm still questioning is where DH is in all of this. DH and I both have careers, and when one of the kids is sick, we trade off staying home. I've used up one week of vacation this year on sick kids, and DH has used four days. You said he "stepped in," but what does that mean? I think when you have a job like teaching, a backup plan is more critical. Every day attendance at my job is less of an issue.
Then maybe you need to look into a different form of childcare. DH can not take of work so "sick days" fall solely on me. My job is flexible, but only to a certain extent, which is why we have in home care. Different types of jobs require different kinds of care. This is no different than people who work rotating shifts, or third shift.
You can fit your job to your childcare, you need to fit your childcare around hte type of job you have.