Lurker with a question about my son's mom

bethughknee

I've lurked this board a little ever since I joined TB when I found out I was pregnant 5 weeks ago. I became a Birth Mother in 2007 to a wonderful little boy. I have an open adoption with lots of communication, not many visits because I live in MD and they live in CA.

I still haven't told my son's parents that I'm pregnant. We email a couple of times a month but between waiting until after 1st tri just to be safe, and worrying how the news will make her feel, I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I know she's been hoping to get pregnant like other "Welp, as soon as we stopped trying, IT HAPPENED!" stories she's heard. 

Any opinions on whether she'd feel more included if I told her early like I have with other family members or if I should just wait? =/

Thanks for letting me vent.

equestrianmom

bethughknee:

I've lurked this board a little ever since I joined TB when I found out I was pregnant 5 weeks ago. I became a Birth Mother in 2007 to a wonderful little boy. I have an open adoption with lots of communication, not many visits because I live in MD and they live in CA.

I still haven't told my son's parents that I'm pregnant. We email a couple of times a month but between waiting until after 1st tri just to be safe, and worrying how the news will make her feel, I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I know she's been hoping to get pregnant like other "Welp, as soon as we stopped trying, IT HAPPENED!" stories she's heard. 

Any opinions on whether she'd feel more included if I told her early like I have with other family members or if I should just wait? =/

Thanks for letting me vent.

Coming from someone who was legally adopted at four months old, I'd say it's safe to say whenever you feel ready. Even though they are family because of your son, there's still that amount of separation you can keep if you so desire it. So either way it would work out. I think whatever you choose will be fine though.

Dr.Loretta

Do you now for a fact she's been hoping to get pg, or do you just have a feeling that's how she feels?

I don't really see the advantage in waiting. She's going to feel the same feelings no matter when you tell her, and waiting just has you anxious about it for longer.

Yes, there is a balance between rubbing it in her face and walking on eggshells, but as someone who's dealt with IF, I can say that most of us handle pg announcements pretty well, even if they can sting.

bethughknee

Dr.Loretta:

Do you now for a fact she's been hoping to get pg, or do you just have a feeling that's how she feels?

I know for a fact that a little part of her still hopes every month that she will have gotten pregnant. We're pretty open about everything so she has shared that with me a few times. And she's told me when other friends who have adopted have ended up with a surprise pregnancy after. Every time she says it, it makes me want to offer to surrogate for her. I love them, I'm just more comfortable letting her talk right now since I know I'm right where she wants to be. 

Thanks for the advice.

silliestbunny

I think you are overthinking it  
She knows you have been pregnant and can get pregnant... it's like you are her BFF that has been strugglign with IF and then suddenly get pregnant. You are a young, fertile, newly married, and should be starting a family.  

I don't think she'll harbor bad feelings.  

I do think she'll wonder how the new baby will interact and know her son... that's worth discussing later on.

Congratulations!