Why is MH being difficult??

BeckyP005

He was never really in this whole lets spend $ to have a baby. He is doing it for me and I am very grateful.

I emailed DE coordinator yesterday saying I'm going out of country and will have no phone but willl check my emails JUST in case a miracle happens...haha. She emailed me this morning and said I'm really close and how would I feel about a redhead...more muted strawberry blonde. I said yes but then she was with an agency so she was out.

I told MH this and he said we agreeded no red heads...NOTHING agaisnt them but not everyone knows what we are doing. I said it's more blonde and at this point...2 yrs into this I could care less about color! He knows some babies have hair color not in the family.

Sorry so long. I'm crying...wish he left for work already but hanging around since I'm leaving later for 10 days. Maybe this trip will do me good and stop obsessing.

I envy those of you who get support from YH or SO. Just feeling like stopping this and getting on with our lives. Thanks for listening. Didn't know where else to vent.

If I don't respond later it's because I'm at the airport

chicagobride_07

I am so sorry that you are going through this Becky.  Fwiw, my SIL and husband have 5 biological kids, are very dark haired, and two of their kids are blonde! You never know what genetics brings to you.  Also, I love redheads!

Fingers crossed that you get a great donor soon and move along with the process with lightening speed! 

happywifemomofone

Have you ever talked with YH about how much it would mean to you if he supported you in this whole process, not just in the $$ piece of things.  MH really wasn't sure about the donor thing at first......we talked a lot, in MANY conversations, and that open dialogue really helped us be on the same page.  After our RE turning down several potential donors, and one donor getting KU-we realized that although we had wishes, those wishes couldn't be set in stone....or we may never get to move forward with cycling.  We also had a no red head preference, as we have none in either of our families.  But, we did review some profiles of strawberry-blonds......looking carefully at their families to make sure mom, dad, siblings etc., etc. were not all redheads.  Hang in there, you are getting very close!!  Enjoy your Birthday trip and try not to obsess to much about having a baby or not.....maybe the perfect donor will pop up while you are out of town.  I've got everything crossed that that is the case!!  Big ((((Hugs))))

 

LittleLady77

Sorry dear. This whole process is very difficult. I can't escape IF, it follows me around like a dark rain cloud and I think about it all the time. DH does not. I really hope your trip brings you some much needed peace and a break from all this.

My DH said no redheads too... Only because he didn't want it to be so obvious to outsiders.  Hopefully when you get back everything will fall into place. 

BeckyP005

Thanks ladies....I guess I just needed a pick me up. It feels good to vent to pp who understand.

Chicago we have had that conversation many times. He might be getting impatient too.

Happywife you have always been there for me cheering me on even when I sound like a broken record. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! We have talked but idk....he forgets It will all work out in the end...

stinkerbell6879

So sorry hon. This process can be so hard!!! I know that my DH and I have had to compromise on what he thinks about a donor and what I think about a donor. It's a very difficult situation to be in and I hope things work out for you soon (((HUGS)))

Km672

Oh Hun, 

    So sorry to hear you're having a hard time.  This is so very difficult.

We had a hard time finding a donor we really liked. Honestly, if I had to wait as long as you have had to, I would have done the same thing....and me and my H would have had the same argument!!

We have been through times when I felt my H was not emotionally involved. I had to just tell him. I was so angry with him and felt very alone.

Maybe when you get home you could have a glass of wine together or something and just tell him. Tell him you are hurting and you need him. Remind him this is one of the biggest decisions you will ever go through as a married couple and you feel that emotionally, you are going through this alone.

I'm not sure if that helped, but it worked for us. We were fighting a lot about nothing and I on some level I was avoiding being around him because I felt this way. He had no idea and became more involved after I told him how painful this is for me.  

Don't ever feel bad about "obsessing".   It's hard to think about anything else.

MrsT4

Big (((hugs))) to you, as I know it can be frustrating when your SO isn't on the same page as you.

As others have said, genetics are unpredictable and I know a couple IRL that has boy/girl twins and the girl twin has red hair...while both parents have dark hair. 

I can also relate to being AMA and dealing with IF for over 2 years and wanting to get the process moving as quickly as possible.

With all of this, hopefully you and DH can have a heart to heart about what is really important to you - is it a particular eye color or hair color or is being a parent more important at this stage in your life?  I know for myself, making the decision to use DE was mainly driven by my desire for wanting a healthy baby.  Of course, general appearance also played a role in who we chose.  If we ever had a redhead, I would joke that they take after my mother (who actually dyes her hair, LOL).

BeckyP005

Thank you ladies for sharing your stories