Anybody else???

TimesInfinity9

Does anybody else not have a problem being around babies or pregnant women after their loss? I see everybody talking about how much it upsets them, which I totally understand considering what we've all been through, but I just don't feel like that.

I mean, I miss my baby every day (almost every minute of every day!) and I do think about it more if I'm around a baby or pregnant woman but it just doesn't hurt me like it seems to hurt other people. For me, I don't have those feelings of jealousy or anger because I just feel like its my baby that is gone, and that happened whether or not somebody else is around me with their baby. I don't really know how to explain it...in my brain there just isn't a connection between the 2 things. My baby is not their baby. So it doesn't make me more sad to be around their baby or baby bump. I guess thats lucky for me considering my close friend had her 3rd baby 4 days before my loss and my sister in law is due 7 weeks before I was due. 

I don't want anybody here to feel like I am attacking them or saying they are wrong to feel that way. I totally understand how people would be upset in those situations and I think its perfectly normal and understandable! And I definitely know that I am the one that's the odd one out in this. Just wondering if anybody else here is the same as me?

PerkyErky

I don't have a problem with other pregnant women or babies. In fact my best friend had her daughter a week after we lost ours and I can see and hold and talk about her baby all day long. I am finding it harder to see women who are about as pregnant as I should be and I suspect around my due date (08/10/13) it will be hard to be around or hear about babies that are born around then. But overall, it doesn't really bother me.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

I didn't have a problem seeing pregnant women - I think because my loss didn't come directly from a pregnancy related problem.  I did have issues with seeing babies.  We have a lot of friends who had babies within a few months of Corbin and seeing them grow and what Corbin would be doing was hard.  Seeing random babies while out I often wondered how old the baby was etc.   I've gotten a lot better with this now because of my situation.  I just try to tell myself that for all I know the baby is that person's rainbow.  I understand why some women have a difficult time and I also understand how some women don't. 

amandager99

As I've made it out a little bit the last few days I realize it's not as difficult as I thought seeing babies. I think cause it's still so new I sometimes wince when I see someone that's pregnant, but I'm just learning to quickly turn away.

My terrifying, heartbreaking factor is my nephews, 3 and a half and 1. I've been very involved in their lives, watching them twice a week and occasionally hanging out on the weekend. Today is my first day back watching them and all I think about is the cousin they will never know, and all of my experiences with them that I will never have with my own son. I cried the whole hour drive, LA traffic, in and am now trying to compose myself sitting outside their place. It's heartbreaking to me that I don't want be around them right now cause it hurts, but I love these kids so much. Wish me luck.

meli1025

I do not have any problems seeing pregnant women or babies, although it does make me miss Ava more.  Someone on this board once put it really well and said that she has learned to separate her own loss and tragedy from other people's blessings.  That's exactly how I feel.  The only baby that I'm having a tough time meeting is the baby of my good friend who was born a week after Ava's due date.  We shared everything together throughout our pregnancies until Ava was lost.  He's just a painful reminder of how old she would be and the milestones we should be reaching.  I've been telling myself though that it's soon time for me to go visit them.  I am genuinely happy for her and her husband, it's just sad for me. 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

amandager99:

As I've made it out a little bit the last few days I realize it's not as difficult as I thought seeing babies. I think cause it's still so new I sometimes wince when I see someone that's pregnant, but I'm just learning to quickly turn away. My terrifying, heartbreaking factor is my nephews, 3 and a half and 1. I've been very involved in their lives, watching them twice a week and occasionally hanging out on the weekend. Today is my first day back watching them and all I think about is the cousin they will never know, and all of my experiences with them that I will never have with my own son. I cried the whole hour drive, LA traffic, in and am now trying to compose myself sitting outside their place. It's heartbreaking to me that I don't want be around them right now cause it hurts, but I love these kids so much. Wish me luck.

 

***SIGGY WARNING****

I have 2 nephews (now 7 & 6) and a niece (5) and I just couldn't be around them for a while.  I wasn't sure if they really understood what happened (they were told in an appropriate way).  I was so scared they were going to ask me where Corbin was and why he wasn't here but they never have, in fact they've embraced having an angel for a cousin.  I know your nephews are too young to understand but you may find them to be a comfort to you right now because they can't say the wrong thing. I'm proud of you for getting back to watching them so quickly. It was probably 4 months before I even considering seeing mine)

amandager99

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

amandager99:

As I've made it out a little bit the last few days I realize it's not as difficult as I thought seeing babies. I think cause it's still so new I sometimes wince when I see someone that's pregnant, but I'm just learning to quickly turn away. My terrifying, heartbreaking factor is my nephews, 3 and a half and 1. I've been very involved in their lives, watching them twice a week and occasionally hanging out on the weekend. Today is my first day back watching them and all I think about is the cousin they will never know, and all of my experiences with them that I will never have with my own son. I cried the whole hour drive, LA traffic, in and am now trying to compose myself sitting outside their place. It's heartbreaking to me that I don't want be around them right now cause it hurts, but I love these kids so much. Wish me luck.

 

***SIGGY WARNING****

I have 2 nephews (now 7 & 6) and a niece (5) and I just couldn't be around them for a while.  I wasn't sure if they really understood what happened (they were told in an appropriate way).  I was so scared they were going to ask me where Corbin was and why he wasn't here but they never have, in fact they've embraced having an angel for a cousin.  I know your nephews are too young to understand but you may find them to be a comfort to you right now because they can't say the wrong thing. I'm proud of you for getting back to watching them so quickly. It was probably 4 months before I even considering seeing mine)

It's been a difficult morning still.  The 3 1/2 year old knows to say (I don't know how much he truly understands) that (Daniel) Parker is in heaven.  He has asked this morning and talked about him, saying he was looking down on us, but it's still hard.  I've cried a few times but he understands that I'm sad.  Believe me I would like to not be here, but they will be going in to day care before the end of the month.  If I knew I would be able to come back in a month or two and watch them, I would take the time off.  However, I don't want to lose this time I do have left. 

bunnybun4

I don't have a problem seeing babies and generally don't have an issue seeing a pregnant person (I most certainly did at first)...

mine is more knowing that a close friend or family member is pregnant or esp. hearing about their babies that were born around the time my baby was going to be born.  I get more upset at people's repeat FB posts of their 3 healthy children or their perfect newborn.  Life just SUCKS right now and it is just hard to see other people getting something so easy. But once I am around the said pregnant person or person with a new baby I do feel better.

angelsnight

It totally depends on the baby.  Little girls tend to be harder....I get sad when I see a little girl because I wonder what my girl would have looked like at that age.

My cousins' baby (who is also a girl) makes me a little sad because they got married about three weeks before us.  So I kind of feel like we're "couple buddies" with them.  I was sad for myself when they got pregnant just six months after getting married, whereas we struggled, and now they have an adorable little girl and we don't.

My best friend has two boys, I love them.  Playing with them makes me happy so that's not hard at all.  But it might be due to the fact that they're boys.