For those who have had a MC

Elsa1984

I am not close to anyone at has had a MC except my sister, and none of us even knew she was pregnant in the first place...until months after she had a miscarriage.

SO's cousin and her husband have been trying for years, seeing a specialist, etc....and announced on Mother's Day they were expecting. We were all super excited for them. She had a miscarriage the other day.

My question is, do we not bring it up in case she doesn't want to talk about it? I feel like we should send her flowers or a card or something, just to let her know we care?! I would hate to brush it aside and pretend it didnt happen and for her to think that none of us cared.....but I don't want to bombard her when she may need some space. 

SO is closest to this cousin out of all of the cousins on his dads side, but we are both kind of at a loss as to what to do next...... 

cantalopes24

I would definitely send flowers and a card but I would not call. If you see them in person just a hug and an "I'm sorry for your loss". Not that I think you would but any mention of "At least you know you can get pregnant/Everything happens for a reason" type comments can be upsetting.

ETA: I would let her know when you send the car you're there if she wants to talk and I know that's helpful to some people but I personally did not want to talk about it with anyone other than MH.

Elsa1984

cantalopes24:

I would definitely send flowers and a card but I would not call. If you see them in person just a hug and an "I'm sorry for your loss". Not that I think you would but any mention of "At least you know you can get pregnant/Everything happens for a reason" type comments can be upsetting. ETA: I would let her know when you send the car you're there if she wants to talk and I know that's helpful to some people but I personally did not want to talk about it with anyone other than MH.

thanks. Yeah I know not to mention the "at least you can get pregnant" or "it will happen eventually...maybe try relaxing" type comments....that would be awful! I thought maybe if we send something, then she doesn't have to talk about it with us if she doesn't want it, but then she would at least know that we care and we aren't brushing it under the rug and pretending like it never happened. 

pennysuedog

Maybe ask her H ewhat he thinks first.  My SIL was very upset that when she miscarried no one acknowledged it.  She still gets really upset about the lack of support that she was given especially with our MIL.  My sister on the other hand did not want anybody to know or talk about it except for DH, my mom and myself.

 

 

[Deleted User]

pennysuedog:

My sister on the other hand did not want anybody to know or talk about it except for DH, my mom and myself.

This was my sister, too.  She had my mom tell me.  The next time I saw her I gave her a hug and she just said "thanks, I don't want to talk about it."

I would maybe send flowers with a "thinking of you" type of card, but I'd follow her cues with actually talking about it in person.

AngLK987

With mine I didn't mind talking about it, the hardest part was when people would ask me how I was feeling months after my m/c. The biggest thing for me to know was that it wasn't my fault, and there was nothing I could have done differently to make it not happen. It happens to many many women.

AngLK987

With mine I didn't mind talking about it, the hardest part was when people would ask me how I was feeling months after my m/c. The biggest thing for me to know was that it wasn't my fault, and there was nothing I could have done differently to make it not happen. It happens to many many women.

AngLK987

With mine I didn't mind talking about it, the hardest part was when people would ask me how I was feeling months after my m/c. The biggest thing for me to know was that it wasn't my fault, and there was nothing I could have done differently to make it not happen. It happens to many many women.

AngLK987

When posting from kindle don't hit post multiple times: lesson learned.

LCass

ITA with Lopes.  Not necessarily sending flowers/card, but just to acknowledge it now, even with an email expressing how sorry you are and that you're there if she wants to talk about it but you understand if not.  And a simple hug and a quiet "I'm sorry" when you see her in person.  Don't make a whole big production of it, but don't pretend it didn't happen, and then follow her lead.  It should be pretty clear if she wants to talk about it or not.

diego299

Sending flowers and a card is a nice idea. Just let her know if she wants to talk you are more than willing to listen.