NBSR: hehe: my cousin got called out on her tackiness

lily_721

Backstory:  my cousin NEVER thanks anyone for a gift.  Its super annoying. 

For her wedding last year, I sent her a shower gift and wedding gift.  I have never received any gift of any type from her even though I have sent for all of her events.

A few weeks before her wedding, I sent her a note saying something like "even though you are busy now, you will be even busier later, it is a good idea to get the shower thank yous out soon."  Her response:  I will.  Never happened.

At the three month mark after her wedding, I was hormonal and pregnant, I sent her another message reminding her of the thank you notes.  She invited a ton of our (deceased) grandparents' friends.  It was very gift grabby and embarrassing.  Her H blew up at me.  I know I overstepped.  She said they would be out within two weeks.  Never happened.

Another aunt saw cousin with her mother the other day and asked her if she had the correct address because she never received a thank you card.  Cousin mumbled something about not having any time (no kids, wedding was last summer).  Aunt told her she was raised better than that.  Her mother didn't say a word because she agreed and was embarrassed over the whole thing as well. 

 

mben1119

Yeah, she's super tacky for never sending thank yous, but you're not much better calling her out multiple times like that.

EastCoastBride

I think what she'll "hear" the loudest is the lack of gift. Stop giving her gifts if it pisses you off this much to not get a thank you. 

mrsmcdonald

I'm not sure how you're any less tacky than she is, honestly. 

MagPie 1986

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:

somerandomchick:

mabenner1:

Yeah, she's super tacky for never sending thank yous, but you're not much better calling her out multiple times like that.

This. It's pretty rude to nag an adult about thank you notes. It's not your job to teach other adults manners and I can guarantee you that nobody will thank you for attempting to.

Yep. All of this.  And that would be the last gift I would give her, by the way.

Agreed.  It's even more tacky to say something.  I'm a one and done type of person.  You get one gift for a big life event (i.e. wedding, baby) and if no thank you, no future gift.  

Unknown

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blondolphn

If you are otherwise close with you cousin, suggesting once won't hurt for thank you notes.  I don't know if I would do it multiple times.

MommyKristin88

mabenner1:

Yeah, she's super tacky for never sending thank yous, but you're not much better calling her out multiple times like that.

Agreed!

MrsApplelovesMrApple

Ouch.

notkateanymore

mabenner1:

Yeah, she's super tacky for never sending thank yous, but you're not much better calling her out multiple times like that.

Exactly.  

BookaL

While I agree that I wouldn't have said anything about not receiving a thank you, I disagree with the thought that just because you didn't send a note means I'll never gift to you again.  Unless, of course, the point of giving gifts is so you can receive a thank you note?  I agree, they should always be sent and I think much more highly of those who do, but would never not send a gift I was planning on sending just because I never received a thank you for the last gift. 

TheLittlestDiva

I'm a big fan of the "thank-you" note, largely because I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with all things paper. However, as OCD as I am about sending them, I am always pleasantly shocked to receive them. I know that for some people, it just isn't their thing. While your cousin is certainly displaying a lamentable lack of appreciation, would you have bought her the gift even knowing you would not be thanked?

As rude as it is to not thank someone for a gift, a gift is something that should be given free of obligation. If you don't feel you can give a gift to this person freely knowing she will not be properly appreciative, then do not do so in the future. However, I suspect you are a much kinder person than that and your giving a gift to her was not just a mark of an etiquette laden obligation, but of a sincere desire to do something kind that also happened to be appropriate to a situation. 

 While it is satisfying to revel in a moment of schadenfreude re: your cousin's discomfort over being called out on her rudeness, it isn't productive to keep pointing out how rude your cousin is to your cousin. Luckily, all future obligations can simply be politely declined with a note expressing your regret about being unable to attend any and all upcoming functions whereinwhich gift-giving might be involved.  I suggest turning to Ms. Manners for some wonderfully polite and yet acerbic replies for any future encounters with this cousin. She has a brilliant way of saying something in a cuttingly polite manner. Brilliant stuff.

-All the best!