That hurt

PerkyErky

My best friend had her daughter the week after we lost our daughter. They went through IVF to conceive as her husband is in a wheelchair and I know how wanted and loved her daughter is. It also isn't painful for me to see or hold her daughter, she was pregnant way before I was and we were already counting down to her due date before I unexpectedly lost our baby.

Yesterday she posted as her fb status "looking at my daughter I realized I am a badass because I grew a person" That was hard to read. Then today she posted that another friend of ours was a super badass because she grew two people at once. It was so unbelievably painful, I had to hide it from my news feed. It feels like a huge slap in the face and a reminder of how completely I failed at grow a person successfully.

I know that is not her intention at all but I wish she had thought about those posts before posting them. I plan to send her a private message letting her know how it made me feel.

I wish I had that obliviousness and not this knowledge of how painful the loss of a child is and how completely my body is able to betray me.

cnderella83

don't read too much into it. I have several friends in a mommy group and that is a very common saying going around these days. they even have t-shirts and stuff. i really think it was something along those lines. sometimes the weirdest things can make us remember painful events. hide the feed, and share if you want to with your friend, but i can guarnatee you it was not done to be mean or hurtfull.

cawettig

It does hurt when we hear people say how they were able to grow their baby and then we think how we failed to. We do have to think of how it was not our fault that we lost them, we tried our best and did everything possible to have them protected. I hate the fact that the reason I lost Arianna is because my body made clots to the placenta, if I didn't do that she would be here. I know I had no control over it but it still hurts. 

I know the saying is that women are badass because they grew a baby and delivered the baby. I think that in a way we are going to be better as life goes on. We have had to deal with the worst pain in the world, we had to say good bye to our babies. This will make us stronger and when we can have our rainbows we will understand how truly it is a blessing. Hugs your way

TimesInfinity9

I'm so sorry her comment hurt you. I'm already noticing how many small things hit a nerve for me now that I never would have thought twice about before. Its funny the things that take on much more meaning to me now.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

 

It really does suck to hear/read a lot of things.  I've learned that after you lose a child you become sensitive to a lot of things.  We're so fragile.  I can almost 100% guarantee your friend didn't mean to hurt you.  One thing I've learned is that while we think of our children every second of every day and grieve every second of everyday, no one else does.  I don't mean for that to sound harsh, it's just the reality.  Things bother us that most people just won't understand. In time you will come to your own acceptance of things. 

Wishing you peace and love

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

 

I think fluttergirl said it best. When my best friend had her son in December, I removed her from my FB feed because I got tired of all the baby pictures. And that kid is my godson! You just become so much more sensitive to things pregnancy/baby/children after a loss, but people who haven't been through that before don't get that. I agree that in time, you will find a way to accept things. *hugs*

angelsnight

I'm sorry that hurt you.  I think people that haven't been there just don't think about how these things sound to others.

At a family function a few weeks ago, one of my aunts said to us, "Well when you two have kids....." and I didn't hear the rest of it because that first part hurt.  We already had a kid, just because she isn't here doesn't mean we didn't have one.  I am sure she thought nothing of it, or realized it sounded bad after she said it, but I know she didn't mean to hurt us.....but it still hurts.  Hugs to you.

JessicaG220

I hate FB.  There is no way to avoid reading things that stab you in the heart when you see them.  My FB is plastered with women announcing pregnancies, gender reveals, baby showers, births, infants that won't sleep...  it's inevitable.  All of my FB friends know about our loss, and part of me wishes they'd be more considerate of my situation, but then the rational side of me kicks in and realizes that life goes on, whether I like it or not. My loss does not make anyone else's successes any less exciting or important, and these women deserve to be happy.  (As much as I'd like to punch people sometimes!)  The 3 hardest things right now for me to deal with are my co-worker due 3 weeks after my EDD, Kate Middleton, and this morning anchor on a local news station who is due sometime in June.  It sucks.  Hope it gets easier for you