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October 2011 Moms
LatteLady5
member
REALLY bad carseat picture. UPDATE
LatteLady5
member
For Mobile: Really bad carseat picture. How to address?
There is this girl I know. She has a LO was born a few months before our LO, so under 2. She posted this picture below over the weekend. She's a young single mom and I want to be delicate about how I comment on this but OMG it's so unsafe. I am not close to this girl. Our families were friends growing up and went on a few vacations together as kids but I haven't seen her since she was pregnant with her LO.
I have written one friend before in a private message to let her know her son's chest clip was in the wrong place. I totally gushed over what a cutie is and what an awesome mom she is and she thanked me for letting her know. I thought about doing it that way this time but I feel like this girl will just ignore my message or get defensive. Should I just comment on the picture?
IMAGE REMOVED
I've doctored up the picture a bit but as you can see the carseat cover is coming off and the harness straps and chest clip are not on the kid. The title of her pictures was "Sleep Gurl." This girl's older sister commented she shouldn't be taking pictures and driving and responded with "I'm that good."
ETA: I will probably DD later.
UPDATE: I sent her a PM explaining how carseats work and why her daughter wasn't safe. I flat out told her that if she was just some random stranger I would have already reported her to the authorities. I told her it was evident that she loved her daughter and that she needed to know that allowing her to ride like that was unsafe. I sent her a link to a video on carseat safety and basics and a link to the safety inspection stations near her.
She told me she was actually stopped at the stoplight when she took the picture. I told her that was really not the issue and again reiterated the dangerous carseat. She said all kids are different and her daughter was throwing a tantrum and that's what the cover was off.
There was some back and forth and she made lots of excuses. She said she buckles her up but her daughter just takes her arms out. I explained then that meant the straps were too loose. I even offered to help her get it right. I was really freakin nice.
But Alas, She literally said -"then.fuckn turn me the ** in u try b a fuckn single parent! U dnt knw wat we fuckn go threw so dnt sit there n hw 2 fuckn take care of my daughtee"
I just responded again politely and said something like I'm sorry you can't see how dangerous this is. The second to last thing I want is for a single mom to face fines and a CPS investigation but the LAST thing I want is for your daughter to end up in a deadly car accident. I will, without hesitation, report this.
So there ya go...I was really hoping she would just thank me for the information and fix her kid's carseat.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: REALLY bad carseat picture. UPDATE
Play dumb approach...
Hey I just happened upon this car seat safety website (insert a link) I thought I'd pass it along to you since our kids are close to the same age.
I don't think the playing dumb approach will work because I usually post carseat safety crap a couple of times a month. Last week I posted this. LOL
I definitely want to say something....I thought about reporting it but then I thought it might be overkill. I just don't get what could possible be going through her mind...like did she take the cover off to wash and not know how to get it back on right? I don't know...
That is a tough situation! I don't know if I would have the guts to say anything but I would probably say 'hey, carseats are really complicated and I thought you might appreciate this link. I've sent it to a lot of mom friends recently and they loved it .'
That photo gives me heart palpitations. Oh my gosh.
It seems like most people these days don't have any Facebook filter so take this with a grain of salt, but I think the fact that she was cool with posting that picture speaks volumes about her lack of car seat safety knowledge. I usually take a few minutes and think extra hard about any possible drama that could come from my photos and opt not to post if I think there's any risk that someone might call me out (not that I would ever EVER think that it's ok to put DS into his car seat like your friend has). So her being all NBD with this photo is troubling, plus the whole driving and taking photos/texting thing.
A couple months ago I put DS into his car seat with a jacket on. It's not thick at all and I'm well aware of the "no coats in a car seat" rule so I thought that the layer of polar fleece wouldn't be a big deal as far as impact/ compression goes. I posted a picture of him in his seat with that jacket on and one of my DH's cousin's publicly posted an "FYI about car seats and heavy coats" link to her FB about an hour later. Not sure if it was directed at me or not, but although I thought I was being safe, it definitely made me think differently and decided to implement a No-Jacket rule even if it didn't seem thick. Anyway, personal anecdote aside, that sort of gentle nudging worked for me even if it wasn't intended for just me. (Though on a side note the same person had her son forward facing the second he turned 1yr old - which I totally side eye - but I digress).
Since you already frequently post car seat safety stuff and she obviously still doesn't seem to know, I'd take the route of just saying something on the photo itself. I'm a VERY non confrontational person but that's not a minor safety misstep - it's extremely unsafe. I bet there are a lot more people who are afraid to say something as well and just as many others who could use the reminder that car seats are only life-saving instruments when used properly.
I'm with Woodsie. I'd post right on the pic with something like "I think you should know how unsafe your dd is in the carseat like that. Please check out these links that explain how a properly buckled carseat should look. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I would feel worse if I didn't say something and God forbid, you were to get into an accident."
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That is so bad. SO BAD. Scary. Please say something.
And Ruby, I was told that fleece is safe since it's so thin, so we bought DD 2 fleece jackets that she uses in the carseat all winter.
this exactly. The way she is buckled into that seat is no better than putting the kid directly into the backseat with only a lap belt on. I honestly can't imagine how anyone could think that's even remotely acceptable. I'm not usually confrontational, but in a case like this I'd comment directly on the photo. It could very well be a matter of life or death.
If your "friend" gets mad or defensive too bad. It doesn't sound like losing her as a fb friend would me a huge loss to you. I wouldn't be surprised if others commented after you too. You can't possibly be the only on of her friends that is cringing while looking at that photo.
Yeah this is what I'm thinking. But she totally blew her sister off so I'm sure anything you say will be probably get some kind of "You don't know my lyfe!!1!1!" response.
ETA: Is there a bunch of crap behind the kids head on the rear deck of the car?
This, this this! Who cares if you offend her? It's not like she won't come to Thanksgiving now. I would soften the blow and say something like, "How cute! I don't know if you know this but her arms need to be in the straps and the harness.....otherwise, she could have her neck broken in an accident" Just give her clear instructions and the worse case scenario right in the comments. Follow up with, "Let's get the little ones together soon!" Everyone will see how reckless she is, and that you're concerned, not just a sanctimommy.
I wrote her a very blunt informative PM. I explained why that is dangerous and included a couple of carseat safety links. I have a saved screen shot and if she responds with "you don't know my lyfe!1," which is honestly what I'm expecting, I have a screen shot and I'm going to report it.
Lopes there isn't anything around her head I just didn't want the picture to be to recognizable...Overly cautious me and all.
Woodsie, I WISH I had the guts to say that on her picture...like so much but I think sending her a PM will be best. If she ignores it I really might though. I don't particularly like confrontation but I'm not afraid of it and in this case I KNOW I have to say something. I just don't get what she could possibly be thinking... Like no cover, chest piece at pubic bone, no harness. Why not just toss the kid in the back seat and call it good?!?
I'm not worried about losing her as a friend. We're not close or anything. I graduated with her sister and get this, her BIL is an EMT. You think they would have said something considering I'm sure he's seen some pretty bad crashes...She posted another picture similar and her mom and random people were commenting on how cute the girl was and what a little Diva. My blood is like boiling.
Is that a bucket seat? Or a convertible seat? And is the lining all off or something? This picture makes me so mad! I just don't understand how parents don't know car seat safety!! I like your response....
That girl would be ejected from that seat in 0.02 seconds in even the most minor of accidents. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
I think you took the best route re: PMing her. That way if she's completely flippant and offended by what you have to say, you'll know it's not just due to her being publicly outed on FB. But still, I'm shocked that more people didn't step in and call her out for being so negligent. When I look at that picture, all I see is the horrible mental image of her hips snapping, the harnesses compressing her abdomen, and her upper body being rocked by whiplash. IMO you don't need to be a certified car seat advocate to imagine what would happen to her in a crash. As a parent I think you have a bit of "What if" going on in your mind at all times, so this situation is absolutely incomprehensible to me.
I hope she responds with reason and changes her behavior.
When mothers are in the hospital having their babies hospitals could have a car seat segment on their mother's channel...maybe this would help boost some awareness.
I had my kids in two different hospitals and both gave out car seat safety info. We had to bring the car seat in to show we had one and they checked the buckles and everything. With E they put him in and had me watch because the NICU does a premie car seat test.
It's all about liability at this point. When L was in the NICU and we had to do his car seat test the nurses weren't even allowed to touch our car seat or offer any assistance with buckling L. They said it was for liability reasons, and they were instructed not to help. I get it, it's a sue-happy world and if the hospital provides instruction and the parents don't do it right, then a child gets hurt you can bet your @ss that parent will be suing the hospital despite the fact that it wasn't the hospital's fault.
UPDATE: I sent her a PM explaining how carseats work and why her daughter wasn't safe. I flat out told her that if she was just some random stranger I would have already reported her to the authorities. I told her it was evident that she loved her daughter and that she needed to know that allowing her to ride like that was unsafe. I sent her a link to a video on carseat safety and basics and a link to the safety inspection stations near her.
She told me she was actually stopped at the stoplight when she took the picture. I told her that was really not the issue and again reiterated the dangerous carseat. She said all kids are different and her daughter was throwing a tantrum and that's what the cover was off.
There was some back and forth and she made lots of excuses. She said she buckles her up but her daughter just takes her arms out. I explained then that meant the straps were too loose. I even offered to help her get it right. I was really freakin nice.
But Alas, She literally said -"then.fuckn turn me the ** in u try b a fuckn single parent! U dnt knw wat we fuckn go threw so dnt sit there n hw 2 fuckn take care of my daughtee"
I just responded again politely and said something like I'm sorry you can't see how dangerous this is. The second to last thing I want is for a single mom to face fines and a CPS investigation but the LAST thing I want is for your daughter to end up in a deadly car accident. I will, without hesitation, report this.
So there ya go...I was really hoping she would just thank me for the information and fix her kid's carseat.This!
Um, wow. I just have no words...
Good for you!
Such a shame that she is more concerned about her wounded pride than her daughter's safety. What a "pleasant" way to react to someone kindly reaching out with justifiable concern regarding your child's life.
If I ever did anything like what she did, I would certainly hope someone would say something to me. I admit that I would be incredibly embarrassed/question how good of a job I was doing at this whole mom thing - but I would also fess up to feeling like that, admit my ignorance, and profusely thank the person who was kind enough to PM me.
That gal is a piece of work. You did the right thing and I commend your patience, Latte.
I addressed it. It really bothered me too.
I said something like "I am sure being a single parent is an enormous responsibility but it is not an excuse to refuse to buckle her up because it makes her mad. Your job is to protect her and keep her safe. There are plenty of single parents (and married parents) who have to deal with tantruming kids and their carseats don't look like that. "