harder then i thought it would be

arm08

1st Birthdays mentioned......... 

 

I dont post to much but all you moms have really helped me out when i feel I'm all alone

So yesterday was my nehews 1st birthday party Newphew being my little brothers baby(only grandbaby on my side). I didnt think to much about the day and how hard it really would be. The party was at a local park at a pinic grove it was a very pretty day out as well. The party started at 2 as a cook out and when everyone was done eating it was cake and present time. My mom made his cake this is her first grandchild and she was so happy and she loves him to death. It has never really bothered me before of how much she makes over him but yesterday as I sat there watching everyone I just couldnt help but feel sad and how I was never going to know how that felt with my angel Isabella or see how much my mom would make over her. So when it was cake time I was pretty much trying to keep myself together but I was not doing a good job at it espicaly when they started singing happy birthday I had to turn and walk away I didnt want anyone to know i was upset but my mom knew right away she followed me and told me it's ok to be sad and I just felt bad for her b/c she was missing the cake eating. I couldnt pull it together I just ler it all go I was sad that I would never know what's it like to see Isabella eating her first birthday cake made by grandma and i was sad that when we sing happy birthday to her it's going to be to a stone while looking up at the sky. My mom told me don't worry I will get my moment just keep believing I will mom but it's just hard to understand why so many have these moments and I won't. So as I said before i never knew that a birthday party would be so hard. It's only been 6 months since we lost Isabella and some days are better then others and I know there are many more of these moments to come where I just have to turn away and pull my self togethe or just let it allout Thanks for listing ladies . Abby

jess123456

Big hugs to you. That must have been very difficult. I still struggle with those types of events showers, birthdays etc. It's another reminder of what you won't get to experience with your child and that really stings. Showers are hard too because not only are the oohs and ahs of what it must be like to be naive that sting but it's yet another reminder that you were once there too.

Please know that you aren't alone in feeling this way.

JessicaG220

I am so sorry. I don't have this exact experience to speak from, but yesterday was my co worker's baby shower. She is due 3 weeks after I was due. All of my other coworkers attended and posted tons of pics on FB and everyone was smiling and happy... And it hurt in the pit of my stomach. All I can think about is how I missed my shower on May 11 and how that should have been me. I didn't get my day to celebrate my Ava and revel in the anticipation of her arrival. It kills me thinking about and seeing all of my friends with babies and those who announced their pregnancies on FB. It makes me so angry when pregnant women complain on FB about aches and pains with pregnancy and post every hour. I was so careful not to be like that and not to run it in people's faces that I was expecting. If they only truly knew how lucky they are. Hang in there. I hope we are both fortunate enough to give our moms their grandbabies!!!!

bunnybun4

I can totally relate to your post.  I also lost my baby girl a little over six months ago and there have been many moments of sudden, extreme emotion because she wasn't there and should be.  it is so hard and I have so many moments of not understanding why other people have no problems having babies and I do.  It is all just overwhelmingly hard.  So many ((HUGS)) to you...please know you are not alone.  and those moments come but they also go...praying you find some comfort soon.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

 

I'm extremely proud of you for even going in the first place.  I'm 18 months out and have yet to go to a first birthday party for anyone's child (let alone sibling).  I got choked up over the weekend at my niece's graduation open house seeing all the stuff her parents saved from her first few years of school knowing I'll never have any of that with my son. 

I had to be around my cousin's baby who's 2 months younger than my son should be when she was about 7 months old.  It was our family reunion so I volunteered to be a cook so I could have something to focus on.

I know you hate that your mom missed the cake eating but I think it's very sweet that she noticed you were in a bad place and put your needs ahead of her own wants.

cawettig

It hasn't been that long for me, after I lost Arianna two weeks later my brother had his little girl. It hurt so much seeing his fb posts. I had to block my own brother because I can't handle seeing how he gets to hold his little girl and I had to say goodbye to mine. It kills me even now because of the jealous pain and feeling like I am a horrible sister and aunt because I can not talk to him about her.