Embryo Donation/Adoption (siggy-pic warning)

racheyt0227

Hi ladies. For those going the embryo adoption/donation route, I was hoping you could help answer a few questions. I am starting to look into what I will be doing with my remaining embryos (stats in siggy) once we know for sure we are done having kids. I believe we will have 1 more, so I have some time, but I really want to do research & know exactly what I want to do with them once we know for sure. I absolutely know I want to donate them to other couples in need.

 

What agency did you use?

 

How were you matched? (meaning do I choose, or do I just donate them & the agency matches)

 

Is there a way I can only donate to say 2 couples? I have a lot of embies, but really don't want them going to so many different families. Can I state that once they are done with the embies, they can't be further donated?

 

Do you know of any legal ramifications with the donators? Meaning, can anyone come back to us for child support, etc? (This may seem silly, but I thought I read there are some fine lines with this)

 

MH is not comfortable receiving any pictures of children from our embies, but if given the choice, would you want to be able to contact the donors for emergency situations? (major medical issues, etc)

 

Is there someone I could contact to speak on the phone about these questions & I am sure many more? 

 

Any insight would be great & I appreciate your time if you can answer 1 or any of these questions. I'm sure I will have more. 

 

 

DoublePortion

First, I want to say a huge THANK YOU for considering donating your embryos! I'm new to the process so I'll defer to some of the more experienced ladies. However, I do want to say that you do have several options to choose from and as the donor you are basically in the driver's seat. You'll be able to find an option that fits what you feel comfortable with! Also, there will be a legal contract to protect both you and the recipients. Liz4paws is a wealth of info and always happy to help! I'll check back later and if there haven't been any other responses then I'll "bat-signal" her.

racheyt0227

DoublePortion:

First, I want to say a huge THANK YOU for considering donating your embryos! I'm new to the process so I'll defer to some of the more experienced ladies. However, I do want to say that you do have several options to choose from and as the donor you are basically in the driver's seat. You'll be able to find an option that fits what you feel comfortable with! Also, there will be a legal contract to protect both you and the recipients. Liz4paws is a wealth of info and always happy to help! I'll check back later and if there haven't been any other responses then I'll "bat-signal" her.

 

Thank you! I spoke to her very briefly about it at one point. I want to start bookmarking things & start doing some serious research, so I would love any insight from anyone!

 

As I sit here looking at my son, I know in my heart I just want to give each of my embies a chance & I know there are so many loving people out there that are desperate for donated embryos. Its def a win, win for me (although it does come with some hesitation of course, because once I donate them, they will no longer be mine.  I just want them to go to great homes & be loved like I love my little guy)

 

Double Portion-I remember you from the boards & have def followed some of your story. I hope this direction works out for you. I want to see you over on SAIF!

 

2MamazInSeattle

First off, you are awesome.

Second - Liz4Paws will I'm sure jump in as she is our resident embryo adoption expert! But, to add on - indeed, you are totally the one with the power in this situation as there are WAY more people looking for embryos than there are embryos available. So - you can write your ticket on how you do it, the terms, who you donate to, etc.

I know for Liz it was important to maintain a relationship with the family she adopted from so her children could have contact with their bio siblings. But, there are a lot of families who prefer your husband's approach - kind of an ER contact only situation or identity release when the child is 18, that kind of thing. Thankfully it seems there are all spectrums of people on both sides of the transaction so it's just a matter of finding someone who wants it the way you want it. I know that like in a live-child adoption, the agreements are air tight in terms of financial responsibility, etc. as you completely give up 'parental rights' which also means giving up responsibility.

You could look at the site Miracles Waiting - that is the self-serve embryo donation site where you can browse all the people who are looking and basically choose someone who feels like a good fit (when the time comes). Usually the recipient does all the work/pays for the legal stuff, etc. and typically their RE/clinic accepts the embies, stores them, etc. so the donors aren't left to do a lot other than having a lawyer review paperwork and sign off, etc.

Another route is to just work through your RE/clinic - I know my clinic has a waiting list of people who want donor embryos (the list, and the wait, is long - which is why we did DE/DS) - but they will do it completely anonymously if that is the donor's desire. So there are a lot of options out there!

Again it is awesome of you to want to give all your embies a chance! We only have 3 frozen, but if we have any we can't give a shot at life (we could be so lucky!), we hope we can find someone who will adopt any we have left, seems such a shame to not give them a shot at life while helping an infertile family - I agree!

jms1374

We are expecting our first through embryo donation so I can give you info about our experience.

 

What agency did you use? We did not use an agency. All of our legal paperwork and shipment was done through Reprotech which I believe is affiliated with the clinic where the embryos originated.

 

How were you matched? (meaning do I choose, or do I just donate them & the agency matches) There are multiple ways to be matched. You can go through agencies such as Snowflakes or National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC). We were matched through Miracles Waiting. Our situation is actually a bit unique. Our embryos were originally donated to a wonderful couple in N. Carolina. They had one son, and due to some financial setbacks, decided they could not afford to continue to have more children. The embryos were then donated to my DH and I. There were originally 17 embryos donated, and we received 15. When our family is complete (we plan one more after our current), we will then donate any we have remaining.

 

Is there a way I can only donate to say 2 couples? I have a lot of embies, but really don't want them going to so many different families. Can I state that once they are done with the embies, they can't be further donated? i am not sure how much control you have going through a specific agency but you can certainly have more control using a private matching option either through Facebook, miracles waiting, infertility forums, etc. There are certainly other concerns going this route as well.

 

Do you know of any legal ramifications with the donators? Meaning, can anyone come back to us for child support, etc? (This may seem silly, but I thought I read there are some fine lines with this) This is one area where having legal documents and representation on BOTH sides is so critical. Since the law views embryos as "property", having the legal transfer of ownership (I hate how that sounds but for legal speak, it suffices) should resolve that concern. For someone that has embryos donated to them, the fear is always will the genetic donors try to take the baby back. There will always be some concern which is why having solid legal contracts in place and doing sufficient research (which it appears you are doing!) is so important.

 

MH is not comfortable receiving any pictures of children from our embies, but if given the choice, would you want to be able to contact the donors for emergency situations? (major medical issues, etc)  We have a very open relationship with both families previously connected to these embryos. We have not met either in person, but we communicate frequently and will meet at some point in the future. I want to have a very open situation for our children and hopefully have them understand how they came to be and that they are loved by everyone involved. I also want them to have the ability to build relationships with their genetic siblings even if it isn't a typical brother-sister type relationship. Not everyone shares this however, and you will find people who are more in line with your husband's feelings and would like to have a more anonymous situation. Just be clear on what you want and it will be easier to find a compatible match.

  I hope this helped answer some of your questions. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions!!!

jcath

We donated our one remaining embryo around Christmas to our fertility clinic - we initially had selected to donate it for scientific use but changed our minds.  We had to sign and have notarized several legal forms and DH filled out a health history form, we also included a picture of DH and our girls (the girls were optional) I didn't have to fill anything out b/c we used DE. It seems someone has selected our embryos and DH has to go in for some blood tests and we had to initial a contract between us and the recipients.  It's been more work than I thought and DH almost said he wasn't doing it b/c of the extra Drs visit...but in the end, if it helps someone, we figured worth the trouble.  I'm certainly glad my donor went to the trouble.

Our clinic is very much about anonymous donation but does have a line in the contract you can choose to sign or not saying you would be willing to be contacted about the resulting child in the event of a serious medical issue (or something like that)

I feel pretty good that the legal agreements covered us from risk but nothings a guarantee. 

TwinMommyDoubleBlessings

Thank you for considering this option for your embies.  My children are from donor embryos and we are forever grateful for the couple that donated them to us.  

I highly recommend watching the informational videos on this website.  They are an excellent resource:

https://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/donor-options/using-donor-embryo.html

 Here is another good resource.  You can call them and talk to the donor coordinator and ask your questions.

https://www.embryodonation.org/index.php?content=donation

 There are many ways to donate:

1.  Do you want an open, semi-open, or closed adoption?  What does that exactly mean to you?  All of these details can be written into a contract.

2.  Do you want the intended parents to be home study approved like in "regular" adoption?  If so, then you typically would want to go through an agency like National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) or Snowflakes or Bethany Christian (if they still offer service).

3.  If no home study, then generally you can ask your RE office if they have a donation program.  There are a few RE offices that will accept embryo transfers / donations from other clinics.  There might be one in FL and one in CA, but don't know for sure. A few of the larger cyropreservation banks like Reprotech have donation programs too.

 - Some RE office will let you match yourself or search on your own.  Other RE office handle the whole process for you.  This is especially helpful if you want a closed relationship. 

4.  Miracles Waiting is another good place to search for recipient familes.

As PP said, you are in the drivers seat and can put clauses or restrictions in the contracts to limit the use of the embryos to X number of familes or to prevent them from donating again after they have built their families.

Since you will be using legal contracts, your rights should be protected and recipient parents should not be able to come back to ask for child support, etc. I use the word "should" because embryo donation is a grey area in the field of ART legal documentation. 

Good luck to you and thank you again for sharing considering this beautiful option.

liz4paws

Sorry I'm late to the thread but I echo what PP have said. Depending on the route you wish to take, you get to decide what that future relationship looks like and can draw it into the contract if you choose to do so. In our embryo contracts, parental rights were completely terminated at the time of donation which means the children were not heirs to anything of the genetic parents. Nor can we sue for child support. As long as you have an attorney review the contract for this type of verbiage, you should be fine.

 

I applaud you for considering donation. It's one of the most beautiful gifts you can give and you bless so many lives in the process.

shewolf576

I can give you some info . 

Before I say anything I want to thank you because people like you will some day make people like me a mother and that is the greatest gift in the world.  There are so many of us that do not have eggs and would rather use donated embryos than try to buy donated eggs (cost is no where near as high) and It gives a the embryo a chance to become someone's baby to love. 

     The last time we used donated embryos we got them from our local clinic (Jacksonville FIRM) I know there are several agencies out there that also have embryos.  Our clinic sent us home with papers describing a little about each pair.  The physical characteristics, education, and medical background and we got to pick a set.  There were no names.  There are agencies that allow you to pick the family and others that let you set criteria that the family had to meet. 

     I don't know about numerous embies because we only had three one didn't defrost, one was not viable and the other stopped after implantation (but they were really old) 

In FL once you select embies they are yours and the donor has no legal ramifications.  So no they can not go after child support. I live in GA and it is the same here. 

There is the ability to donate without contact and also allow limited contact in emergency situations.  Actually that would be a blessing if there was an emergency medical situation, but I have not come across that option as of yet.  Most are either no info or open,  We have only used the ones that were donated so not sure about open adoption.