Mom is driving me nuts!

babymama619

So I am super close with my mom and I love her to death, but lately she's driving me nuts!! Every decision I make about the baby elicits a snarky or judgmental response. I"m sure that some of it is me just being hormonal and having a shorter fuse than normal but UGH!

I'm single so I sort-of fee like she's trying to step in to be my "partner" in this adventure. A few weeks ago she kept saying "our baby" then asked me if it bothered me and I told her "yes, it's a little weird" She since stopped that, so there's something.  

I told her recently that I asked my BFF and her fiance to take the baby if something should happen to me and she just couldn't believe it! Not that she wants to  raise it, but she thinks I should name my 20 year-old sister as the guardian, are you kidding?! My sister looked at her like she was nuts and my dad totally disagreed as well. Thankfully!

Then when I when I told her if it's a boy he won't be circumcised, well, she almost couldn't talk!  She said "We'll discuss this later"..Umm, no we won't not really up for debate. Then she made some joke (half-serious) about how she'd take him in for it!

This week I scheduled an early gender scan and invited her to come and she just kept saying how silly it was and a waste of money.  I ended up cancelling b/c I just didn't want her there with me. 

I sort-of feel awful b/c I love her and need and want her support, but she's just being so overbearing.  All I can say, is thank god I don't have to deal with a MIL too!

Thanks for reading my vent.

 

PrimRoseMama

She needs to simmer down. It's not her baby and she is borderline sounding crazy.

coraggiosa

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:

She sounds close to crazy.  You need to firmly put your foot down about boundaries NOW before she gets any worse.  It's YOUR kid, NOT hers and she needs to respect that.

Definitely this. You need to make your wishes and expectations crystal clear to her, and you need to set boundaries NOW. 

StayingSecret

I guess I disagree.  I don't think she sounds crazy.  I think she sounds like she doesn't trust your decisions.  For whatever reasons.  Maybe your age.  Maybe your marital status (you said you don't have a MIL).  Maybe that's just your two's dynamic.

Doesn't make it right.  I just got that impression.  So I'd stop sharing.  Answer questions she has, but don't engage her in debate. If she has good, legitimate reasons for her logic, listen to her.  But know that you have the final say.

I don't really think it's a boundary issue or that you have to put her in her place. It isn't like she went out and faked a will for you to give baby to sister.  Or got the baby circumsized behind your back.  I just think she doesn't trust or agree with some of the decisions.  Since you have your own family now, it's a natural time to start distancing yourself from her anyway. 

babymama619

Thanks for the advice ladies, it was nice to have my feelings validated a little. Some people were wondering abou my age/independence level. I'mm 33, moved out when I was 17, have 2 masters degrees, am fully self-supported, and I've been a professional nanny for over a decade, so I'm pretty secure in the decisions I am making.

In general she has a way of making most things about her so I"m not sure why I expected this situation to be different. I had a light-hearted conversation about it with her today over lunch, so maybe it will improve. 

For the record it's not that I dislike only the fact that she disagrees, it's that she is disagreeing and saying I'm wrong with nearly every choice I make.

At the end of the day I guess she's my mom and I"m kind-of stuck with her

thanks agian! 

jesslca113

My mom was sort of like this in the beginning too.  My husband and I waited the entire 12 weeks before we told anyone that we were expecting.  After my mom found out she would text me, email me or call me daily telling me things to do and things not to do.  I finally just told her that I understood her excitement, but that I had made it 12 weeks without any input, and if I needed it now that I'd ask.  I think for some moms when their daughter is pregnant they sort of re-live their own pregnancies and just don't want you making any mistakes that they think they made.  Just keep things to yourself unless you really need advice.  This should keep her a little more in the back seat!  GL!

SweetLaura286

You definitely don't have to do this but I am just going to throw it out there... Is there something having to do with the baby decisions that you really don't care too much about? Even something little like.. What baby bathtub you use lol or even bigger like what baby bottles maybe. What I'm getting at is can you give her a baby project to focus her energy on?

Obviously I don't think you have to do this but maybe it would make her happy and keep her off your back.. Win win AND it's less work for you