For the first time

HannahGreen90

I'm openly admitting to everyone else but my mum that I'm having a really hard time dealing with the pressures of being 22 pregnant, and having my boyfriend be away with the army all the time.

I have never felt so guilty, this isn't what we wanted in any way right now and having always protected ourselves for so long, the one night we don't and I fall pregnant.

I am so sorry to all the women who will read this and have had a hard time TTGP but I just feel like our relationship is crumbling. We have known for 7 weeks that I've been pregnant and we are still finding it impossible to adjust to all the changes that are to come. He is 28 and feels like all eyes are on him to get us settled into a new home as soon as possible and he has to buy absolutely everything we need. I don't know if this is normal for a young unmarried couple but it is definitely putting a huge strain on us as a couple. I feel like he doesn't know what he wants from me. I also feel like I should be writing it in a journal but somehow it feels better that its going out to a bunch of preggers strangers lol.

Abortion was mentioned but was never an option for me, it's something that I always said I would never do and I still stand by that. It has been nothing but stressful for 7 weeks and I have been trying to convince myself and others that everything is ok and we are both so excited but the reality is is that it's a mess. I have definitely reached my breaking point and its been 6 hours so far of continuous crying.

I want to just cut everyone out, relax, breathe, and be content, but that feels like so far away right now.

Like I said I'm so sorry to the women this will offend and to everyone else for having to listen to my whining.

TheDairyQueenx3

I am so sorry you are having a rough time my husband has been in the army for 10 years and is a bomb specialist EOD and has been to Afghanistan twice now he missed a lot of our three year olds life and its very stressful at times I was 18 when we met an 19 when I got pregnant he was 26 at the time I was still in the army at that point as well an we were in no way ready for this. We did what we could we supported each other and we have been happily married for two years and I am pregnant with twins this time around. These our are deployment babies as he was gone for a very long 14 months. He is now down on the living room floor playing chutes and ladders with our son and we have a fantastic marriage and life. He works hard to support us and it all has worked out for the better for us. Now not everyone has that happy ending like we did but we communicated, got help when we needed it, loved each other and our child, it's all give and take. You seem like having the baby is what you feel is right and in my case it only made us closer. I will keep you in my thoughts I know how hard it is I have been there!! But do know that if you work together all will fall into place.

HannahGreen90

I just do not know what he wants me to do, he keeps saying he can't get used to the fact his wages are now our wages and when I told my dad that he said he just needs to suck it up and get on with it as that's the reality now. My mum fell pregnant really quickly with me when my dad was in the army and the first thing he did was buy a house and put a ring on her finger. My boyfriend doesn't want a house wife, he wants a home with two incomes and both parents working. Which I admire, but he doesn't see my job as being a "proper job".

I can't shift the feeling that he feels as though he's trapped, but if he's going to think like that then he needs to realise that I'm also trap

HannahGreen90

HannahGreen90:

I just do not know what he wants me to do, he keeps saying he can't get used to the fact his wages are now our wages and when I told my dad that he said he just needs to suck it up and get on with it as that's the reality now. My mum fell pregnant really quickly with me when my dad was in the army and the first thing he did was buy a house and put a ring on her finger. My boyfriend doesn't want a house wife, he wants a home with two incomes and both parents working. Which I admire, but he doesn't see my job as being a "proper job".

I can't shift the feeling that he feels as though he's trapped, but if he's going to think like that then he needs to realise that I'm also trap

...that I'm also trapped as we're in each others lives forever now.

There is nothing I want more than to have my first child being born into the world the way I always pictured, but sometimes life doesn't have the same plans as you and you just have to deal with it.

We're seeing each other on Monday and we haven't seen each other since things between us started to get really strained so I have no idea what to expect, for the first time ever I don't even want him to come home.

HannahGreen90

It actually means a lot how supportive you ladies are being, I was so apprehensive about posting this because I know a lot of women would have bitten my head off and called me dumb etc but I just physically couldn't hold it in any longer I feel like its destroying me. I really don't know if the LO will have been able to cope with all this stress I've been under the whole time.

TheDairyQueenx3

Have you thought about adoption? It is a very trapped feeling I know being a teen mom my self. But he needs to realize that it took both of you to make this baby and the same feelings he is having you are as well!!if he is old enough to protect his country he is old enough to man the hell up and do what he needs to for his baby. Don't stress if you guys can't work things out this baby will love you no matter what . You do what's best or you it may take some time for it to sink in for him so maybe try to give him some time to let it all process best thing you guys can do is talk it out and if you really love him express that best you can.tell him you don't want him to feel trapped but that you have no choice in that feeling as well. And always know that no matter what you will be ok. Always take care of you first. And if the main reason he is actin like this is because you don't have a "proper job" to him he needs to be reminded your now a mother that I. Itself is a job on top of assisting with income. You don't need to marry right off the bat try living together for a while see how that works for you and if his base dosent allow that then try spending as much time together as you can. I'm really praying it all works out for you as your situation sounds just too familiar.

HannahGreen90

I mentioned adoption today and he instantly dismissed it saying he welcomes this child but there is so much we need to figure out then he'll start saying all this other crap about how he feels like he doesn't get a say anymore. Hes been working alone the past few months doing 24 hours off then 24 hours on at work while everyone else is out on an exercise so he's been alone for almost 5 weeks so he hasn't had a chance to speak to his friends and I think he's really struggling. I wa made redundant from the accounts firm I worked for and now I work for myself as we'll as in a salon as a makeup artist. I'm fully qualified in special effects and can go back into it whenever I want and I plan to after I've had the LO but for now I'm happy just being in the salon doing wedding and evening makeups I am still earning money but to him it's as though its not enough but I'm still on my feet near enough all day every day!

ladameperdue

Having just spent the week with my sweet 22 year old sister, I just wanted to pop in and say I'm sure you are stronger and wiser than you think, and that you can totally do this. For what it's worth, my husband is expressing the same anxiety about how we will 'pay for it all' and I think this is a stress for many new parents. I also think its easy to get carried away by advertising and celebrity mothers, thinking that you must have a 900 stroller, 1000 crib, all new clothes for each age, etc etc., but the truth is that you can budget, use Craiglist, etc., and ignore all the "must have" gadgets. That's what we'll be doing. : Sending good wishes your way!

HannahGreen90

CDalloway:

Having just spent the week with my sweet 22 year old sister, I just wanted to pop in and say I'm sure you are stronger and wiser than you think, and that you can totally do this. For what it's worth, my husband is expressing the same anxiety about how we will 'pay for it all' and I think this is a stress for many new parents. I also think its easy to get carried away by advertising and celebrity mothers, thinking that you must have a 900 stroller, 1000 crib, all new clothes for each age, etc etc., but the truth is that you can budget, use Craiglist, etc., and ignore all the "must have" gadgets. That's what we'll be doing. : Sending good wishes your way!

This means so much, thank you.

TheDairyQueenx3

I agree!! You don't need much for a baby honestly my son all we needed was the pack n play, diapers and wipes, and the swaddle Velcro blankets and a pacifier. I isn't even use a diaper bag just kept what I needed I the glove compartment of my car I Breast fed so no bottles and he co slept with us after he out grew the pack n play. Hopefully once the initial shock wears off and he can gather his thoughts things will hopefully get better. Your heart is in it otherwise you wouldn't be upset. It is stressful but just know that you will be alright and we are all here to support you emotionally when you need it

sonrisa

I'm sending you a virtual hug because you need it. Times have changed. He doesn't need to have bought everything. Hell, We have a decent household income and professional degrees and didn't buy our first house until I was 34 and DH was 37. Babies have thrived in apartments for years. Ikea sells cribs. Consignment stores sell wraps (in lieu of strollers, bouncers, etc). If you nurse, that gets you 90% of the way there. You just need diapers and a few onsies. Yes, money will be tight and this will be difficult. Look into WIC and any resources your state offers. These exist to help mothers and babies. You don't have to decide about adoption today, or even before the baby is born. Take it one day at a time and see where you get. Good luck.

Bdoeshair06

HannahGreen90:

I mentioned adoption today and he instantly dismissed it saying he welcomes this child but there is so much we need to figure out then he'll start saying all this other crap about how he feels like he doesn't get a say anymore. Hes been working alone the past few months doing 24 hours off then 24 hours on at work while everyone else is out on an exercise so he's been alone for almost 5 weeks so he hasn't had a chance to speak to his friends and I think he's really struggling. I wa made redundant from the accounts firm I worked for and now I work for myself as we'll as in a salon as a makeup artist. I'm fully qualified in special effects and can go back into it whenever I want and I plan to after I've had the LO but for now I'm happy just being in the salon doing wedding and evening makeups I am still earning money but to him it's as though its not enough but I'm still on my feet near enough all day every day!

I can tell you that I've been working for 5 years in a salon as a hairstylist. We're in a small town with tons of other salons and the economy here is crap. It's taking me a long time to build a clientele..I make about half as much as my husband and we constantly struggle with wanting me to be happy doing what I love and needing a bigger second income. I know how it is to feel guilty about your job.

I'd say do everything you can to get yourselves on the same page. Men can be emotionally constipated, but see if you can talk it through with him and help him understand he doesn't have to shoulder it all himself.

chix96

Do either of you have access to a therapist who could help you both talk about these issues perhaps through his job, or a social worker? I think it says a lot that he was not receptive to adoption. A therapist could help you both talk about your worries in a constructive environment and help him come to terms with his new role.

utlawgirl

I don't have any real advice to give you, but I just want to say I really feel for you, and it will all be okay. I think a therapist is a good idea, but I also think it sounds like you two just need to spend some quality, low-pressure time together. 7 weeks may sound like a lot of time to process this... but it's not. An unexpected pregnancy is HUGE. Heck, our pregnancy was planned and it's still a big thing to wrap my mind around -- I'm quite sure it hasn't sunk completely in yet, for either of us.

Anyway, my point is that you -- both of you -- still need space and time to process all of this. It's good that you are both thinking about logistics now, but you still have several months until everything needs to be settled, and even then, you can still make adjustments. Nothing is forever. You don't have to be settled into a job or a life just exactly the way you both want it to be forever and ever. Just... breathe.

Hang in there! 

HannahGreen90

Sorry I'm only just replying I must have worn myself out and fell asleep with the bump still open on my iPod! We haven't said a word to each other since around 7pm yesterday. I really do think a therapist is a good idea, I have my first meeting with the midwife on Tuesday morning and I said to him he should come with me so that if he has any questions about anything he can ask her. I feel so much better after having some sleep and I feel like I've got a clearer head, I'm still so pd off at him but just going to give each other space, he's supposed to be leaving Germany tomorrow to come home for a week so we'll see if he still does.

Once again thank you ladies so much for your support and advice.