Question about school and NCP. — The Bump
Blended Families

Question about school and NCP.

Not sure if I'm overthinking this or what. And this may be a silly question.

But what options do NCP have when the CP moves or switches school districts? FI and BM have 50/50 schedule - 7 days on, 7 off. Right now we are driving 30 min to take SS's to school on our weeks which is no big deal.

BM's FI has 2 kids (unsure of thier schedule w/ them) and all 4 go to school together. The other 2 kids may be switching districts next year; BM is considering moving SS's so everyone can continue at the same school. This would result in an even further drive for us :/ 

We are also hoping to purchase a house in the next year or so. This will likely have to be further out than we are now, about 20 min in the opposite direction of here putting us even futher out. We've talked -  a 45 min drive daily EOW is doable.

But what happens to us if BM continues to move districts or moves futher away? It makes me kind of nervous to purchase a home b/c once we are there I have no intention of moving if I can help it. And losing time w/ SS's isn't an option. We look forward to our next week as soon as they leave. It would just suck terribly if they were in a car an hour and a half each way.  Could we legally do anything about it since they evenly split the time? Or do we just have to deal since FI is the NCP? 

 Does all my rambling make sense? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

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Re: Question about school and NCP.

  • I haven't personally, but a friend of mine shares custody of her two school-aged sons, and she and her ex put into the custody order which counties they could both move around in without needing to go back to court (so something like "anything within this general metro area" or "within 20 miles of x"). You might consider talking to her about this idea, and adjusting the custody order to include something like this, if you're worried she might continue to move further and further afield. 

  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    Long-Lasting Membership 250 Answers 1000 Comments 25 Love Its

    In the CO, does it say she gets to decide the school district? I would think in 50/50 that would be a joint decision unless your CO specifies otherwise.

    Also by moving, are you saying she is physically going to move next year or just try to change schools. Where I am, you can't just pick a school district and put your kids there without living there or having co-habitation paperwork notorized saying that you live with someone in that district if you don't have proof of ownership or a rental agreement. Like, I couldn't put DD or DS in the school district my SKs go to unless we moved there.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

  • Are you 45 minutes from BM or 45 minutes from the school?

    Sounds like both sides are considering moving farther away, and it might be worth it for everyone to sit down and discuss the possibilities. I don't feel like it's fair to throw around the idea of possibly restricting her moves when you may want to move as well. So I think if you could approach it as a 'how can we work this out together' type thing, you might be ahead of the game.

    Depending on where both sides move, 50/50 like you have now may not be the best thing for the kids. Your FI needs to be open to that possibility. 

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  • Thanks for all the replies everyone.

    gin - as far as I know the idea was to enroll them in that district. I'm not sure how all that works up here but back home (FL) I went to a couple of schools on special assignment for different reasons. It was always approved. My mom just had to make sure I could get there. I would think thier reason would get approval if it works the same.

     And they may be moving. But as to where is unsure at this time. But it would likely be further away instead of closer to even it out.

    As far as a CO - they do not have a current one filed w/ the state. It drives me completely insane and I've been on FI a gazillion times about it. They both keep putting it off. But the CO they drew up didn't mention anything about school so maybe that should be added. Good point.

     I've just spent the last couple of days wondering to myself about what our rights would be in this situation. It hardly seems fair to have our visitation effected for drive the kids all over creation. My worry is that we will be settled and BM will keep moving, possibly further away and that we won't be able to do anything about it.

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  • image fellesferie:
    Are you 45 minutes from BM or 45 minutes from the school?Sounds like both sides are considering moving farther away, and it might be worth it for everyone to sit down and discuss the possibilities. I don't feel like it's fair to throw around the idea of possibly restricting her moves when you may want to move as well. So I think if you could approach it as a 'how can we work this out together' type thing, you might be ahead of the game.Depending on where both sides move, 50/50 like you have now may not be the best thing for the kids. Your FI needs to be open to that possibility.nbsp;


    We are currently 20 min from BM, 30 min from school. We know there will be additional travel time when we move which we think is reasonable.

    I agree this needs to be a discussion that takes place before any decisions are made. But giving up visitation is completely out of the question.

    In an ideal world if both of us were moving away from one another choosing a school district between us would be great. I'm just not sure how that will go over because the other 2 kids would be elsewhere. And from the vibe I'm getting from BM she would like them all to stay together. I get it, I really do. But a relationship with their father is much more important than attending a school w/ the other kiddos.

    And what happens if their mom moves or changes schools again and BM follows suit? Our lives shouldn't effected my BM's FI's ExW thats a mouthful! lol.

    BabyFruit Ticker


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  • image sweetdreamz6700:
    image fellesferie:
    Are you 45 minutes from BM or 45 minutes from the school?Sounds like both sides are considering moving farther away, and it might be worth it for everyone to sit down and discuss the possibilities. I don't feel like it's fair to throw around the idea of possibly restricting her moves when you may want to move as well. So I think if you could approach it as a 'how can we work this out together' type thing, you might be ahead of the game.Depending on where both sides move, 50/50 like you have now may not be the best thing for the kids. Your FI needs to be open to that possibility.nbsp;


    We are currently 20 min from BM, 30 min from school. We know there will be additional travel time when we move which we think is reasonable.

    I agree this needs to be a discussion that takes place before any decisions are made. But giving up visitation is completely out of the question.

    In an ideal world if both of us were moving away from one another choosing a school district between us would be great. I'm just not sure how that will go over because the other 2 kids would be elsewhere. And from the vibe I'm getting from BM she would like them all to stay together. I get it, I really do. But a relationship with their father is much more important than attending a school w/ the other kiddos.

    And what happens if their mom moves or changes schools again and BM follows suit? Our lives shouldn't effected my BM's FI's ExW thats a mouthful! lol.

    Are you sure BM will not fight you on moving also? 45 min is a lot for a kid twice daily and if I was the BM I would fight it. At the same time I think unless the new school is much better you should fight it too. Like someone else said I think you guys need to sit down and decide what is best for the child and then decide how to do it. Good luck.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • I think you need a legal CO.
  • image MommyEllenSue:
    I think you need a legal CO.

    This. Things need to be spelled out, and you're right - it's not fair for your SK's to keep moving school districts because BM's FI's XW is moving her kids around. 

    image
  • image fellesferie:

    Are you 45 minutes from BM or 45 minutes from the school?

    Sounds like both sides are considering moving farther away, and it might be worth it for everyone to sit down and discuss the possibilities. I don't feel like it's fair to throw around the idea of possibly restricting her moves when you may want to move as well. So I think if you could approach it as a 'how can we work this out together' type thing, you might be ahead of the game.

    Depending on where both sides move, 50/50 like you have now may not be the best thing for the kids. Your FI needs to be open to that possibility. 

    Agreed.

    Because I think it's very strange indeed that you're complaining about her moving and furthering your drive because you want to move and further your drive. If you approach BM about this, you can't ask for anything more than you wish to give, especially as it doesn't sound like either move is tied to a job.

    I would suggest that instead of saying either of you can't move, you ought to say that neither will move/switch school districts without first coming to an agreement on visitation scheduling. Although, honestly, I can't say I blame her for wanting all kids to be in the same school. Are they not now? Or are the other ones going to a k-8 school instead of a middle school next year and BM would like the younger ones to go as well? 



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  • image sweetdreamz6700:
    We are currently 20 min from BM, 30 min from school. We know there will be additional travel time when we move which we think is reasonable. I agree this needs to be a discussion that takes place before any decisions are made. But giving up visitation is completely out of the question. In an ideal world if both of us were moving away from one another choosing a school district between us would be great. I'm just not sure how that will go over because the other 2 kids would be elsewhere. And from the vibe I'm getting from BM she would like them all to stay together. I get it, I really do. But a relationship with their father is much more important than attending a school w/ the other kiddos. And what happens if their mom moves or changes schools again and BM follows suit? Our lives shouldn't effected my BM's FI's ExW thats a mouthful! lol.

    I'm not suggesting that you walk in there and hand over 50/50. All I'm saying is that the set up you have now may not always be feasible. 45-60 minutes one way to school could be pretty hard on a kid. And if it ends up negatively impacting the kids, it might need to change.

    How does school work in your area that you can just pick one?

    There could be some real practical reasons for the school thing. If one person (BM or her SO) is getting the kids to school or picking them up, it could be a challenge to get to 2 different schools at the right time. 

    It's true that your lives shouldn't be affected by BM's FI XW, but they will be. It's part of being blended. My household is affected on a daily basis because XH's gf lives in CA so XH moved there. Her choices shouldn't affect me, but they do. I'm in TN right because my folks retired here, so their choices affected XH too.

    I like HAB's suggestion about coming to an agreement about splitting parenting time before anyone tries to change schools. 

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  • I think you can argue the kids should stay in their district. This is definitely worth going to court over. If you don't and she moves and moves the kids you will not have a leg to stand on with regard to keeping your 50/50 if BM disagrees. The judge can easily say you live too far away to maintain 50/50.

    Our CO only gives us 50/50 if we remain in the same school district. I hate that our CO is written that way because the schools here suck and have particularly failed SS who needs more attention but that's what BM wanted
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  • You do recognize that you are probably NOT going to be able to keep the children in a school district that NEITHER of the parents live in, right?  

    Schools are having a hard enough time financing the kids that actually reside within their catchment areas.  They are even suing families that are lying about this.

    SO...the reality is, the kids are going to legally have to be in either BD's school district or BM's school district.  

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