Co-Ed Shower vs. Traditional Shower vs. Diaper Party — The Bump
Baby Showers

Co-Ed Shower vs. Traditional Shower vs. Diaper Party

Alright ladies, I need some help on how to coordinate all our our close friends/family into our shower festivities.  DH and I have a lot of friends that "overlap" and also a lot of "I'm good friends with the wife, he's good friends with the husband" situation.  Also, because we both work in athletics (coaching, sports medicine), we have a lot of the same friends in that realm too.  I also have quite a few male friends and close coworkers.

Let me start by saying that my best friend has graciously offered to throw my shower.  She has spoken with my DH's best friend who noted that he was looking at planning a "diaper party" which is a pretty traditional event in my area, but is looking for input on how to plan/what to do.  My friend asked for my input into what I wanted.  She is very adament that this is "my day" and really is up for anything.

Some ideas we have thrown around are:

- traditional shower in the afternoon, followed by a more laid back "co-ed" BBQ in the evening (some guests would overlap for each event i.e. wives of couples we are mutually friends with, others wouldn't be the "co-ed" crowd; i.e. my grandma, aunts, etc.)

- a general laid-back BBQ co-ed shower/diaper party

The problems I'm running into in trying to give my host some input are:

- honestly, I like the idea of a laid-back co-ed BBQ better, but with our college friends, football coaches, etc. it wouldn't be the "scene" for my older female family

- cost of throwing a co-ed shower with at least double the amount of people that would be invited to a more traditional shower

- if we do a traditional shower and then a BBQ, how do we invite the "overlap" guests (i.e. wife is my good friend, husband is DH's close friend or my college friend who would definitely be invited to my "traditional" shower, but fits into the co-ed crowd too) to both without seeming gift-grabby?  If we held the shower/co-ed BBQ on the same day, would it be obvious that we're not "looking" for double gifts?

I'm not sure how to give input in this situation and make sure that we are able to celebrate with all our friends/family while not making certain family members uncomfortable.....

Maybe we could find an indoor/outdoor venue where we could have the traditional shower simultaneously with the BBQ for the "co-ed" crowd?  That then poses a problem with invites again.  i.e. my "party" loving boss who would definitely be up for the diaper party, but I don't know his wife too well, so I wouldn't be inviting her to my "traditional" shower.....

Help!  Solutions please!

 

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Re: Co-Ed Shower vs. Traditional Shower vs. Diaper Party

  • I'm doing coed!! Do what you want!
  • atcwagatcwag
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    image milkergirl1:
    If it were me, I would just do a traditional women's only shower.  I would skip the co-ed shower because what guy wants to go to a baby shower?  And yuck on the diaper party-telling people what to buy you is poor etiquette in my book, even if it's ok in your area.  But if you were to go with the co-ed bbq after a traditional shower, that makes for a long day for the people who go to both.

    I agree with many of your points.

    We were thinking a co-ed shower, but more of a BBQ atmosphere just because we have a lot of friend overlap male/female.  I hate the "diaper party" vibe too, but they are very common in our area.  We have already had at least 10 people tell us; "You MUST have a diaper party!".  If we went the co-ed shower route, we weren't going to call it a diaper party....just an invite that says something like "Bun in the oven and burgers on the grill.  Come help us celebrate with X & X!"

    I guess at this very second, but my mind might change momentarily, that I'm thinking for coordination purposes, it might be easier and more appropriate for me to just have a traditional shower and if DH's best friend wants to coordinate a "man night/diaper party/whatever", then so be it.

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  • It sounds like you would prefer your friend host the co-ed BBQ type shower. 

    Maybe you have another friend or family member who could host a small women-only-family shower? (not that you should ask anyone - you shouldn't, has anyone offered?)

    If not, invite the family to the co-ed one. If it doesn't sound like fun to them, they can always decline.  


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  • image milkergirl1:
    If it were me, I would just do a traditional women's only shower.  I would skip the co-ed shower because what guy wants to go to a baby shower?  And yuck on the diaper party-telling people what to buy you is poor etiquette in my book, even if it's ok in your area.  But if you were to go with the co-ed bbq after a traditional shower, that makes for a long day for the people who go to both.

    I disagree with the bolded. I mean, sure, most guys wouldn't want to go to a traditional baby shower, but if you're having a more laid back, bbq style thing, then really it's just another bbq, but with presents, right? What guy can't get behind grilled meat, beer, and hanging out with friends? I had a co-ed shower thrown by my bff and everyone, guys included, had a blast. We have a lot of overlapping friends; most of them really (and not just, I'm friends with the wife, he's friends with the husband, but I have individual friendships with both halves of the couple, as does DH) so I'm sure this contributed, and my MIL and my mom each wanted to throw their own separate family showers so it was friends-only, so that might make a difference here. If you think your family and friends would mesh well in a BBQ setting, and your hostess is sure she's up for hosting a big party, then I say go for it. Since you're thinking co-ed anyway, maybe your DH's friend could help her cohost? Then he could make sure there's plenty of stuff the guys would enjoy doing, too, plus it would ease the financial burden.

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  • image carlieanddanwedding:

    image milkergirl1:
    If it were me, I would just do a traditional women's only shower.  I would skip the co-ed shower because what guy wants to go to a baby shower?  And yuck on the diaper party-telling people what to buy you is poor etiquette in my book, even if it's ok in your area.  But if you were to go with the co-ed bbq after a traditional shower, that makes for a long day for the people who go to both.

    I disagree with the bolded. I mean, sure, most guys wouldn't want to go to a traditional baby shower, but if you're having a more laid back, bbq style thing, then really it's just another bbq, but with presents, right? What guy can't get behind grilled meat, beer, and hanging out with friends? I had a co-ed shower thrown by my bff and everyone, guys included, had a blast. We have a lot of overlapping friends; most of them really (and not just, I'm friends with the wife, he's friends with the husband, but I have individual friendships with both halves of the couple, as does DH) so I'm sure this contributed, and my MIL and my mom each wanted to throw their own separate family showers so it was friends-only, so that might make a difference here. If you think your family and friends would mesh well in a BBQ setting, and your hostess is sure she's up for hosting a big party, then I say go for it. Since you're thinking co-ed anyway, maybe your DH's friend could help her cohost? Then he could make sure there's plenty of stuff the guys would enjoy doing, too, plus it would ease the financial burden.

    Ha Ha, well then I will have to disagree with you. My husband has been to two coed/ bbq type showers. One was wedding and one was baby. He said never again. No matter how cool or laid back one might think it is, most guys don't want to go to a shower.

  • image Disneygeek77:
    image carlieanddanwedding:

    image milkergirl1:
    If it were me, I would just do a traditional women's only shower.  I would skip the co-ed shower because what guy wants to go to a baby shower?  And yuck on the diaper party-telling people what to buy you is poor etiquette in my book, even if it's ok in your area.  But if you were to go with the co-ed bbq after a traditional shower, that makes for a long day for the people who go to both.

    I disagree with the bolded. I mean, sure, most guys wouldn't want to go to a traditional baby shower, but if you're having a more laid back, bbq style thing, then really it's just another bbq, but with presents, right? What guy can't get behind grilled meat, beer, and hanging out with friends? I had a co-ed shower thrown by my bff and everyone, guys included, had a blast. We have a lot of overlapping friends; most of them really (and not just, I'm friends with the wife, he's friends with the husband, but I have individual friendships with both halves of the couple, as does DH) so I'm sure this contributed, and my MIL and my mom each wanted to throw their own separate family showers so it was friends-only, so that might make a difference here. If you think your family and friends would mesh well in a BBQ setting, and your hostess is sure she's up for hosting a big party, then I say go for it. Since you're thinking co-ed anyway, maybe your DH's friend could help her cohost? Then he could make sure there's plenty of stuff the guys would enjoy doing, too, plus it would ease the financial burden.

    Ha Ha, well then I will have to disagree with you. My husband has been to two coed/ bbq type showers. One was wedding and one was baby. He said never again. No matter how cool or laid back one might think it is, most guys don't want to go to a shower.


    Absolutely. My hubbie had to go to my friend's 'casual coed BBQ shower' with no games, but with beer and food. And we are also all friends together. He and all my other friends' hubbies complained the entire time. But of course we never told the host or mtb that. It was a BBQ but still a shower and they felt obligated to be there and didn't enjoy it at all.
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  • image discobelle:
    I think this sounds more complicated than it needs to be.  It's just a shower- keep it simple.  I'd invite close female friends and close female family members.  Like the others said, the men won't want to attend anyway.  

    Agreed. If the men in your life want to give you guys a gift they will anyways. And diapers party....barf. Even though everyone is saying you HAVE to do it it's tacky.

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  • image discobelle:
    I think this sounds more complicated than it needs to be.  It's just a shower- keep it simple.  I'd invite close female friends and close female family members.  Like the others said, the men won't want to attend anyway.  
    This.  It's a shower.  It's not a wedding.  The fact that "It's your day" has been used at all shows that people are way overblowing the importance here.

    And seriously--- most men do.not.care about attending or "being included" in a shower.  No matter how relaxed and laid back it is.  We attended a shower like this last year.  It was a very nice time.  We enjoyed ourselves.  But in no way, shape, or form is DH now chomping at the bit to be invited to more showers!

    Being PG in and of itself really isn't "all that".  Why people these days feel that just being PG needs to be celebrated is beyond me.  the BABY is what is the big deal here.

    While I've never been invited nor know anyone who's ever actually had a "meet the baby" party, the concept makes sense when you're talking about a celebration vs a shower.  Hey - there is a new little person in the world!  THAT does deserve to be "celebrated".

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  • FemShepFemShep
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Photogenic
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    First, you need to find out how many guests your very kind hostess is willing to accomodate.  If she says 20-30, you'll likely need to make it a female-only thing.  If she says "Any number, it's your day!", use your common sense-if she's recently been laid off, had money issues, has lots going on in her personal life, etc., keep the shower small and simple.  If she loves hosting large parties and does so frequently, explore a co-ed BBQ shower.

    I hate diaper parties.  I don't care how "common" they are, to me any event that requires paid admission (as a diaper party does, in the form of diapers) is a fundraiser, and is clearly inappropriate for people.  I also think they're impractical-with both of our DDs, only Pampers Swaddlers worked for us; the normal ones caused a rash and Huggies leaked.  We ended up returning lots of diapers our very kind MIL purchased for us, and honestly, while we were grateful for the gift, it was a hassle-especially when we found out the diapers wouldn't work for us and had an opened package that we threw away.

    If you'd like a co-ed shower, just host a big BBQ.  Don't mention diapers specifically; let people choose what they want to give you.  If you end up with a more traditional shower but still want a party before you become parents, you are certainly free to host a BBQ-just don't mention the baby, gifts, or a registry in any way.

    People who want to will give you gifts whether you have a shower or not.  And truly, it's just a shower.  While they're nice to have, in the grand scheme of things, they just aren't that important, and many people, especially guys, don't care if they're invited to your shower or not.  Don't overthink it. 

  • jencnhjencnh
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
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    Simple solution. Have a traditional female shower. Then on a completely separate weekend, and being completely NOT baby related, just have a friends and family BBQ. If someone that didn't go to the shower, wants to bring you a gift, they will. Skip a diaper shower. You're trying to fit too much into one event.
  • My husband and I are in our mid 30s having our only child. We are having a coEd BBQ. I plan on the guys and kids hanging out by the pool and cooking while the ladies are inside doing traditional baby shower things. I live out of state from family/friends and I think the coEd gives us a chance to see male cousins/uncles/friends.
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  • image ambs7636:
    I'm doing coed!! Do what you want!

    yup! this.

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    And seriously--- most men do.not.care about attending or "being included" in a shower.  No matter how relaxed and laid back it is.  We attended a shower like this last year.  It was a very nice time.  We enjoyed ourselves.  But in no way, shape, or form is DH now chomping at the bit to be invited to more showers!

    Being PG in and of itself really isn't "all that".  Why people these days feel that just being PG needs to be celebrated is beyond me.  the BABY is what is the big deal here.

    And all of this is why I like you. :-) 

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