I have found myself posting more and more frequently on here... It seems to really be helping. Thanks
It's weird... I go through the same cycle of emotions and thoughts every day. I get to work and I feel ok. I can think about Ava and I feel like I'm coming to terms with everything. I do t like it, but I feel like I've accepted it and I can feel happy about the short 7 months I got to spend with her. And I feel hopeful and optimistic about trying again. I feel excited about being pregnant again and getting to take home our baby.
Then the afternoon comes. I feel so, so sad. The though of another baby upsets me because I feel like I don't want another. I want HER. Perfect, beautiful Ava. I am so angry and I feel so depressed and lost. And seeing other pregnant women hurts so badly. All of my morning optimism has diminished and I just feel hopeless again. Ugh.
Then the next day comes and the cycle repeats. It's bizarre. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be "ok".
I have an appointment today to see a specialist. He is going to look at an MRI of my uterus and hopefully rule out my uterine septum as a cause for my loss. I am anxious, but at the same time I just want to know so I can move forward and get the green light to try again. This entire thing sucks. I miss my baby girl.