Coaches that yell - WDYT?
*sparky*
member
DS is almost 8 and is really, really into soccer. He has started playing a little in a travel league and they have been doing practices even though they have not officially had tryouts yet. The coach is new to the program and he is pretty hard on the kids. He singles them out if they make a mistake, makes them do pushups if they sit down or aren't listening, and is just generally harder on them than any of the other coaches we have had. The assistant coach is someone we know and he was supposed to temper this coach, but instead he has started yelling at the kids too.
DS is not phased by it, but I am really not all that comfortable with this guy's approach. Some of the parents have commented on the coaching being too intense but some have said that it just how travel is - more competitive and therefore the coaches have to be harder on the kids. My concern is, this is new and fun now because it is travel and DS is playing with his friends, but ultimately soccer will stop being fun for DS because of this.
Any advice? Am I being overprotective in worrying about this?
Re: Coaches that yell - WDYT?
My kids are young so I have no experience here, but in my opinion 7 or 8yrs old is still basically a little kid. Sports should be fun at that age. I would not be okay with this AT ALL. Considering other parents have also said things, I would be talking with the coaches about it.
I agree w/this. I just think it is too much at this age. This coach is very skilled in soccer, but has only coached older kids - HS through college. His intensity level seems to me to be more appropriate for that age group. Soccer is serious business for these coaches and for some of the parents too, but we are not like that at all. DS just happens to really love playing.
I am struggling w/what to do because DS really wants to play with his friends, some of whom are trying out for this team. There is another team he has been asked to try out for, whose coach has a completely different approach, but DS may not know anyone so he is unsure about that.
I have two cousins that are/were elite soccer players and they had their share of tough...not nice coaches. While it may be more competetive, and the coaches are typically professional players or were college players, I think you still have a right to have them not be too crazy...like not Bela Karoli before he was the US team coach. Not knowing what's going on, I can't really comment, except to say I think to a point they should be hard and expect more, because it's more competetive, and many of these kids have goals to play in college or professionally, so it's not just fun and games and is more serious, it's like a job...but within reason. If it's not something you're willing to deal with, then I would suggest sticking to rec soccer, where the atmosphere is lighter. I know when my cousins tried out, they were trying to get on a team with the best coach and team so that they'd be more likely to go to national championships, or get noticed by college scouts and invited to elite training sessions. So the coaches have pressure to perform as well.
Those are all good points and sometimes I think we may be better off in rec at least for another year. Some of the parents do talk about how they want their kids playing college ball, and they are very intense about it. These are 2nd graders so it is hard for me to think that way at this point.
At the same time, there are other coaches in these leagues who are not yellers but are still competitive, and I think it is the yelling that bothers me most. DS would be happy to practice 5 days/week and play games all weekend, so that is not the issue. It is feeling like the kids are being put down that bothers me.
I completely understand...because I think it would hurt my sensibilities to ever see/hear someone yell at my LO too.
Like I say, I think you can bring it up and see how it goes. Or try to move to a different team as well, now it's something you can look for when he's trying out for teams...the rapport the coaches have with the players.
My son is nowhere near the age of team sports so I don't have the direct perspective as a mom, but from what I gather from my friends with kids who are around your son's age and are starting travel soccer, it has gotten very competitive and I hear about similiar coaches. I think yelling (to a degree) is one thing, but if it becomes abusive or demeaning, I would draw the line at that.
The other perspective I have is as a child who grew up playing travel soccer (albeit - many, many years ago). The best coach I had, who I still love and admire to this day, was not a yeller. He was more like a teacher. My team was good (#2 in our division), but that's not #1, so for parents of many girls on my team, he was not good enough to get their daughters the college scholarships they wanted them to have (and yes, we're talking about when I was in the 8-12 age range), and so they fired him. Our later coaches were jerks who I learned nothing from. By high school, I had quit my team to go play for a less competitive team because I just wanted to play soccer and wasn't trying to get into college on my soccer skills. So, my suggestion is to listen to your son and let him tell you what feels right for him. Obviously step in where you feel he may not be equipped to make a decision or handle a situation, but my guess is he will let you know if he can handle this coach's approach.
I didn't read all previous responses, but I played a couple of sports pretty competitively growing up. There is a definite difference in approach for a traveling/elite team vs. the local parks and rec team. Coaches for the more "skilled" teams will be more intense because often times the purpose of those teams is to prepare the kids to play that sport in high school and beyond.
If your son doesn't seem bothered by it, I would be inclined to wait it out. The yelling seems excessive, but if it's more motivational then it might not be that big of a deal. In my experience, teams like this can really foster self-discipline, motivation, etc. I think it really depends on your kid's temperament and how he responds.
To answer some of the ?'s - there is no coaching director but there is a commissioner for the league, who is a woman. Her DH is one of the coaches and he has coached DS before - his approach is completely different as he motivates the kids but is not a yeller.
DS is not complaining and he does need some discipline/motiviation in order to stay focused, as he is the youngest on the team and still 7. Some of the boys are almost 9. He has several friends on the team and he really wants to play with them. At last night's practice, DS was one of the kids called out for making a mistake and he handled it fine.
In the first practice, this coach was really really harsh with one of the kids, to the point where both coaches called the parents afterward to talk to them and apologize. That boy is still coming to practices also so it did not drive them away. Most of us are new to travel, as these kids are pretty young and just getting into this level of play, so we are not exactly sure what to expect or compare it to.
There is another travel coach we have trained with and played for, as well as a trainer we have worked with, and both of them have a completely different approach to things, which feels much better to us for this age. I think we are going to try out for two teams and then if DS makes it we will just go with our gut on which way to go. As a fallback he can always go back to rec if he is miserable. But I know right now he wants to play travel so badly he would probably put up with a lot in order to do it.
ETA: As a stupid aside that bothered me this week, the coach wore a shirt to practice that said "sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal". So DS and his friend who I had driven to practice of course read it and were talking about it on the way home. If I was okay with everything else, I would probably shrug that off, but this guy is supposed to be setting an example for my child and that's not something I want my 7-year-old reading or saying.
Thanks for all of the advice!
Wow I would have a major problem with that too. To the point that I would have said something to him. That is completely UNPROFESSIONAL and INAPPROPRIATE.
OK, now this guy sounds like an idiot. Some role model. I would dicuss with the coach directly: 1) Setting higher expectations on a travel team is fine. 2) Yelling is not required to motivate. 3) Consequences for not paying attention may be warrented but they can be doled out without berating or belittling the children.
If the coach cannot manage to motivate the children to perform to their best ability without wearing obnoxious t-shirts and shouting insults, then he should be replaced.
The problem is that in today's world everyone thinks their child can be a division I athlete. At 8 sports should be about having fun with friends and learning about the skills and fundamentals of a sport, not doing push ups and getting yelled at.
Parents that are allowing coaches to do that to their kids also need to remember that while time does fly, they aren't trying out for a college team next week.
If your son is still enjoying the team and playing then I wouldn't worry about it, he may not even notice the coach yelling and isn't him having a good time the most important thing?
I haven't read through every comment yet, sorry if I am repeating people.
I would expect a traveling league to have more structure than a rec league. I would expect the coach to know what they are doing, teach the children aspects of the game and competition and to be a strong leader. I do not believe that the coach needs to be mean or belittle the children to do that but I don't think they need to coddle either.