Soy Free Menu — The Bump
Baby Showers

Soy Free Menu

I am hosting a shower for my friend who has a soy allergy. I would like to have a few dishes that are soy free for her, so I asked her for menu suggestions. She told me that she would just bring her own food due to the allergy, as well to her dieting for a fitness show competition. She said she did this at the shower her stepmother threw for her. I think this is tacky, especially since I am offering her soy free options. Also because I am spending my time and money planning her shower and she's not even going to eat the food! What do you think? Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Soy Free Menu

  • Is this for a baby shower?

    If it is I don't understand why she's dieting for a fitness competition while pregnant. That can wait Til the baby is born. Seems a little selfish to me. Eating healthy is one thing, but those diets are awful for adults let alone growing babies.
  • image Nokkouttmomma:
    Is this for a baby shower? If it is I don't understand why she's dieting for a fitness competition while pregnant. That can wait Til the baby is born. Seems a little selfish to me. Eating healthy is one thing, but those diets are awful for adults let alone growing babies.

     

    The girl has a soy allergy. 

     

    I do not  think it is rude because if she has food allergies they could be severe or even deadly. She likely wants to make sure she is protecting herself. It really would not be a big deal to me. Let her bring her own to ease her mind.

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  • mlb0967mlb0967
    Fourth Anniversary
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    Sorry yes it's a wedding shower!
  • mlb0967mlb0967
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    image kennazebrowsky:

    image Nokkouttmomma:
    Is this for a baby shower?

    If it is I don't understand why she's dieting for a fitness competition while pregnant. That can wait Til the baby is born. Seems a little selfish to me. Eating healthy is one thing, but those diets are awful for adults let alone growing babies.

     

    The girl has a soy allergy. 

     

    I do not  think it is rude because if she has food allergies they could be severe or even deadly. She likely wants to make sure she is protecting herself. It really would not be a big deal to me. Let her bring her own to ease her mind.



    Her allergy is not severe. It's more gastronomic related. I would never make her eat something that would have soy in it, I was willing to accommodate her. I just feel bad she's bringing food to her own shower. Thanks for the input.

    Edited gastrointestinal related
  • If this was a Baby Shower I'd be concerned about the fitness competition thing as well!

    Honestly, don't feel bad...you offered and she declined due to her soy allergy and other strict dietary concerns. It may even be a relief to her to eat her own food, I know people get a bit nutty about dieting so I can only imagine the nuttiness for a competition. 

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  • I'm a type 1 diabetic and a vegetarian- both for over 20 years. In the past and now I still bring my own food (or just a dish to share that I can also eat) so that I don't inconvenience the hostess. Could it be a case of that?
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  • mlb0967mlb0967
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    image MrsApplelovesMrApple:
    I'm a type 1 diabetic and a vegetarian both for over 20 years. In the past and now I still bring my own food or just a dish to share that I can also eat so that I don't inconvenience the hostess. Could it be a case of that?


    You are probably right. Like I said I just feel bad she has to bring her own food to her shower. I want her to enjoy her day. So if bringing her own food makes her feel comfortable, then so be it.
  • image mlb0967:
     Her allergy is not severe. It's more gastronomic related. I would never make her eat something that would have soy in it, I was willing to accommodate her. I just feel bad she's bringing food to her own shower. Thanks for the input. Edited gastrointestinal related

    First, I would like to note that just because an allergy is not life-threatening, a reaction of any kind is not fun. Sitting on the toilet all night due to a gastrointenstional reaction, or having your joints ache for hours on end, or itching like a mad women are not the kind of momento you want to have to remember a party by.

    I promise you that your friend is not trying to make you feel bad, she is trying to avoid putting herself through the discomfort that comes with ingesting something your body can't properly digest. She is NOT being rude or tacky, so try not to take it personally.

    I say this because my in-laws and I have a lot of various food and chemical allergies/sensitivities that require us to be meticulous in our meal planning for family events. I can't have any salicylates, (the basis of aspirin, it's in tomatoes, grapes, apples, all berries, many preservatives, most food colorings, and more) and get an arthritis like reaction if I eat them. My nieces & nephews are allergic to Citric Acid, so all citric fruits are out, as are any high in Vitamin C or A, My FIL & SILs are allergic to eggs, and my MIL can't have dairy or gluten. When one of the extended family members hosts a holiday it is not uncommon for us to bring a couple of items that we know are safe for us to eat.

    Basically you have two options: 1. Let her bring her own food, and continue planning without stressing about her dietary concerns. Everyone will have a good time at the party, and no one is going to be looking at her plate and commenting on why she has different items on hers. 2. You can give it one more go at being accommodating, which she may or may not take you up on. My suggestions for doing so are below. 

    Work out your menu at least a week or two in advance, then email your friend a detailed list of everything you plan to serve. If it's an item you are making from scratch, list every ingredient and brand name. If it's catered or any of the items are pre-made from a store be specific about where it's coming from. Say something along the lines of "I'm working on the final menu for your shower, below is the list of food and all ingredients. I know you are planning to bring a few things for yourself, but if you see anything listed that is safe for you to eat, or can easily be altered to make it so please let me know. I'd really like it if you were able to enjoy some of the items that will be served, but understand it can be difficult to ensure that food items align with your dietary needs."

    A fresh veggie tray with hummus or homemade guacamole with chips are good soy-free and healthy starters. (The guacamole would need to be just fresh ingredients, not a packet that you add 2 avocados to.) Fresh lemonade made with sugar or stevia, plain unsweetened fresh brewed iced teas, or simply pitchers of water with cucumbers or citrus fruit floating in them, make for a lovely refreshing drink. An antipasto platter with dried fruits, nuts, cheeses and meats has items people can choose from and avoid others, etc. We usually do a salad bar of sorts, have two big bowls with different lettuces (mixed field greens in one, maybe chopped romaine in the other) with bowls containing onion, cheese, nuts, other veggies, etc that people can choose from, with a homemade vinaigrette and a few other dressings on the side. It's hard to know what to suggest entree & dessert wise without knowing her specific restrictions, but these might be some options that will work for your party and for your guest of honor.

    I get that it's a pain. I remember my first Easter with my ILs, before DH & I were engaged. I make a killer carrot cake and wanted to show how awesome and accommodating I could be, so I hit up Whole Foods and bought gluten free flour & baking soda, organic carrots, soy cream cheese (for the frosting) etc. Well, it turns out the brand of flour I used had another flour in it my MIL can't have, so that was out. The crushed pineapple is full of Vit C/citric acid, even though it's not mentioned on the label, so the nieces and nephews couldn't have it, and the egg substitute had a preservative in it that *I* couldn't eat. I went through a ton of time and effort (and money!) trying to take one of my signature dishes allergy friendly, and ended up with a poor imitation of the original that only the non-allergy people could eat anyway. Now when I have a recipe I want to make I email my MIL the recipe, and put the brand name of each ingredient I'm considering using in parenthesis next to item. She is so used to what everyone's allergies are it takes her all of 2 minutes to look at the list and say "yes, it should be ok, but you need to substitute Earth Balance vegetable spread instead of Spectrum brand" etc.

    Good luck!~ 

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  • mlb0967mlb0967
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    Thanks for your help! I offered to accommodate her, but she said she would rather bring her own. So if that what she's confortable doing then I understand. I guess I didn't take the time to think of it from her point of view and I am very unfamiliar with food allergies as no one in my family has them. Thanks for your ideas!
  • My mom has an *actual* soy allergy (what your friend has is a sensitivity.  My mom will swell up like a blowfish and possibly stop breathing if soy literally touches her lips).  Anyways, my mom has never brought her own food to a party, especially one that's being thrown in her honour.  It's easy enough to avoid soy as long as she's careful.  I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be feeling put out because you're planning and paying for food that she won't even eat.
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  • She's probably just trying to be nice and not have you go to any trouble. I'm a vegetarian and while it's not hard to accommodate that, I still don't want people to go to extra lengths to plan for me. 

    In addition, soy is in EVERYTHING. People who don't have to look for things like soy or corn or gluten in foods will often think that as long as it's not tofu or soy sauce or edamame, it's fine. Soybean oil is super common, and soy as filler. Even cows can be raised on a soy diet, which is hard for people with sensitivities, so I know they often go with grass fed meat or something. It sounds like you ARE pretty knowledgeable, OP,  but that's probably just what your friend's experiences are. 

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  • image mlb0967:
    image MrsApplelovesMrApple:
    I'm a type 1 diabetic and a vegetarian both for over 20 years. In the past and now I still bring my own food or just a dish to share that I can also eat so that I don't inconvenience the hostess. Could it be a case of that?


    This would be me. I'm gluten free and only at fish or chicken. I hate inconveniencing other with my diet. Its normal for me and my parents since its been over 20 years. But its very normal for me yo eat before parties and never show up starving to someone else's event just in case I can't eat anything there. I'm also very comfortable bringing my own food so I know exactly how its prepared.
    You sound very thoughtful, but your friend is probably trying to spare you the hassle.

    You are probably right. Like I said I just feel bad she has to bring her own food to her shower. I want her to enjoy her day. So if bringing her own food makes her feel comfortable, then so be it.
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