Would this bother you?
IBackBevo
member
So DH and I left LO with my in-laws over the holiday weekend at a trailer they have up on a lake here in Texas. We stayed in a hotel nearby. Long story short, in-laws mentioned on the second day that they had taken LO out on their golf-cart driving around. The problem is, the roads around the property where they stay were insanely busy this weekend. There is a gas station right nearby. The road feeds into a state park where there is a boat launch and into two campgrounds so there was a ton of people driving their huge trucks pulling boats up and down that road...and alot of them probably drinking. The road is very narrow and curvy and heavily wooded. All it takes is one person taking a curve too fast and hitting that golf cart and LO is now splattered on someone's windshield. I'm pretty sure taking an 8.5 month old on a golf cart on a road isn't even legal much less a good idea.
So I talked to DH that I wanted him to tell the in-laws not to do this again...especially on a busy, holiday weekend. DH didn't agree with me at first, but after I explained the dangers, he acted like he agreed that it was not a good idea. (Backstory: We have had major problems in the past between FIL and myself--he was so disrespectful of me and DH refused to say anythint to him that we ended up in counseling over it.) At any rate, in-laws start talking about taking LO out on the golf cart again on this busy road. DH says NOTHING. This is after we have already discussed it when they were not around and DH agreed that it was not a good idea. I could not say "Don't do this" because anything coming from me would just invoke FIL starting a fight with me. He respects what DH says, but if something comes from me then forget it. So when we are leaving that evening, I bring it up with DH and he immediately turns the car around and goes back in and basically says that I don't want them taking LO out on the golf cart.
This entire situation upsets me. #1 I think that both in-laws and DH should have better sense than to think it is okay to take LO out on a golf-cart on a busy road on a holiday weekend that is very narrow and you can't see around corners. #2 I am super annoyed that I get painted as the fall guy and made to feel like I'm being a chump when all I am doing is looking out for LO's safety.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
Re: Would this bother you?
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Yes, this would bother me.
1. It's a bad idea (IMO) to have an 8.5 month old in a golf cart anywhere, yet alone on a ROAD with other vehicles.
2. Your DH doesn't appear to have your back. He is coming across as being very disrespectful of you by not being your PARTNER.
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This exactly. I wouldn't give them a chance to make that mistake twice.
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2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
This. I'm sorry YH is being an a$$. I think you guys need a refresher with the counselor. Your child's safety is both of your responsibility. If cant correct his parents and set limitations on unsafe behavior, you can't leave LO with them.
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Um, I'd be pissed as hell if my in-laws were stupid enough to take my 8 month old on a golf cart in general let alone on a busy ROAD.
AND I'd be pissed as hell if my husband didn't say anything ON HIS OWN about it. You are no chump, girl. Just a concerned Mom.
That is RIDICULOUS.
Thanks for the responses. I am really not happy with DH about this...plus, he also ticked me off related to another more minor issue with his parents. Basically, he agreed to one thing and then completely renigged on his word when he got around his parents. I tried bringing it up in the car and trying to talk about it, but he was like, "Not now. I don't want to deal with this right now."
I'm a little miffed, too, at how he has been handling our mornings. Basically, I am always the one who gets home by the time the nanny needs to be off in the evening...he doesn't usually drag in until an hour later. I tried asking him to split this with me, but it never works out because even if he says he will get home, somehow he doesn't. In exchange, I expect him to handle LO in the morning so I can get to work early. Only he isn't taking care of LO in the mornings. He is sleeping in late and leaving it to me making sure that I inevitably end up not getting to work as early as I would like to. Usually this means I work through lunch. This has been especially bad lately because I'm completely over-burdened at work...which is a completely different issue.
IDK, I hate feeling like I'm just b**ching at him. But, at the same time, I feel like I have valid complaints and I need to be heard...especially when it comes to the situation with his parents because it is already such a sore spot in our relationship.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
Yes, that would bother me. Maybe your DH doesn't deserve to get baby free nights if he can't remember to tell the sitters your clear expectations on how to care for a child.
It is super hard when you can't trust your ILs to make the right decisions when babysitting (in my own case like not leaving the baby in a sh!tty diaper for hours because you don't want to change it.) but even harder if you feel like you and your spouse aren't on the same team. It isn't fair for you to be the heavy all the time.
Can you go back to counseling on the in-law issue? My in-laws are a bit crazy, okay, my MIL is actually clinically crazy and I've always been so grateful that my husband and I are on the same page with them. When we make decisions about what they are and are not allowed to do with the kids, he is always the one to deliver the news and it's never in a "and Kelly doesn't want you doing" whatever. He always says "and don't do this or that" and it's clear that it's not just my decision, but his as well. They are his parents and so he is in charge of dealing with them.
As for your mornings and nights, I'd stop b*tching and just start quietly expecting. If he said he would do something, like take care of LO in the mornings then assume he meant it and expect that. You should be unavailable somehow, like either for a few days get up even earlier and get out the door before LO wakes up, or be in an extra long shower or whatever you need to do to make it clear that he needs to step up. I would suggest the same for at night. You say even if he says he's going to be home he doesn't make it home in time so why not plan a dinner out with a friend so that he is the only parent who is going to be home. He's falling back on your always being there.
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Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
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Have you guys talked about your expectations in the morning, or are you just assuming that he will help out?
I was having the same problem in the morning as you are. This may be bad advice, but it's what I did and luckily it worked for me. I just left. I got up, got myself ready, and I left. This forced DH to get DS ready. Did he get mad? Probably, but what was his argument going to be, that he had to take care of HIS son? I'm sure it pissed him off initially, but now he's over it and on the two days that he has to get DS ready by himself, he just does it. Sure, I got a couple of calls from DC at first "DS is missing this, DS doesn't have this today..." so now I pack the DC bag and the rest is up to DH.
After 4 years, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs our surprise miracle is here!
My Blog
TTC # 2 BFP 03/02/13 = CP, BFP 05/14/13 = CP, BFP 08/09/13 = CP
RPL testing = normal
TI Cycle #1, 50 clomid days 3-7, 150 iu Follistim days 8-11 = BFP! EDD May 22, 2014
Betas: 13 DPO = 79, 15 DPO = 149, 19 DPO = 788, 22 DPO = 2031
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge: