Experiences? Words of advice?

gymnst1013

I am new to the board so a bit about me.  I have a 2 year old son and for his entire life MH and I have both worked from home.  I'm now about to accept a new job that will have me working in an office full time.  MH will still be at home.  We currently have a part time sitter - she is here in the mornings until nap time (1-4) and I care for our son after he wakes up.  I do a little work in the evenings and after he goes to bed.

The new position is both a significant pay increase and beneficial for my professional development so I'm having a hard time passing it up.  But I'm so torn about not being home to see Nikolai and have him able to see me when he wants during the day.  I know he'll be OK but I just keep picturing him being so sad that I'm not here.  And as silly as it is, I'm worried he'll get more attached to the nanny than to me.  The good thing is that without work basically in my living room, I'll be able to devote more one on one time to him.  I won't be splitting my evenings between work and Nikolai.

We will also have to alter our childcare arrangements.  We'll need someone here mostly full time.  Not necessarily during nap time, but both before and after for sure.  That is an added stressor for me because our current sitter cannot work during all the times we need so we'll likely have to start from scratch with a brand new nanny.

This will be OK, right?  Any advice on both calming me down and making sure this goes as smoothly as possible?

AZ123

The older they get, the harder it is to work from home with them there even if they're with a nanny or sitter. You should consider a preschool daycare situation. getting them out of the house and more interaction actually makes working and being away from them feel better. They don't have time to miss ya because they're too busy playing with friends, eating snacks, doing crafts, singing, and napping. What a life!!

EastCoastBride

AZ123:

The older they get, the harder it is to work from home with them there even if they're with a nanny or sitter. You should consider a preschool daycare situation. getting them out of the house and more interaction actually makes working and being away from them feel better. They don't have time to miss ya because they're too busy playing with friends, eating snacks, doing crafts, singing, and napping. What a life!!

My thoughts exactly.  when DS turned 2, that's when we decided to go w/ a daycare, and then preschool.  He really benefitted from being around other kids.

And trust me.... TRUST ME - you are mom.  Nothing will change that, no one will take your place.

My DS adores, adores, adores his grammie.  When I'm having a rough time w/ him because he isn't cooperating, he tells me he wants grammie.  Because he knows she's more lenient with him.

But when he's with them and sad about something, it's ME that he wants.  He spends the night there sometimes and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, it's ME that he wants.  

no one can replace mama. 

gymnst1013

EastCoastBride:

AZ123:

The older they get, the harder it is to work from home with them there even if they're with a nanny or sitter. You should consider a preschool daycare situation. getting them out of the house and more interaction actually makes working and being away from them feel better. They don't have time to miss ya because they're too busy playing with friends, eating snacks, doing crafts, singing, and napping. What a life!!

My thoughts exactly.  when DS turned 2, that's when we decided to go w/ a daycare, and then preschool.  He really benefitted from being around other kids.

And trust me.... TRUST ME - you are mom.  Nothing will change that, no one will take your place.

My DS adores, adores, adores his grammie.  When I'm having a rough time w/ him because he isn't cooperating, he tells me he wants grammie.  Because he knows she's more lenient with him.

But when he's with them and sad about something, it's ME that he wants.  He spends the night there sometimes and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, it's ME that he wants.  

no one can replace mama. 

We have been talking about enrolling him in Montessori 3 mornings a week starting probably in September.  We are just not comfortable yet having him there all day every day.  Maybe once we see how he does the 3 mornings a week we will increase his time there.

ETA - Also ECB, thanks for the reassurance

2chatter

I found that after DD went to a center full time I was much more relaxed.  I was also more focused and available.  I considered doing a part time program for DS, but when we looked at the schedules for the toddler rooms and up, the nap schedule didn't make sense to move him around.  I still struggle with running by the store before picking him up, but I know he would seriously prefer and benefit from snack with his friends than from me trying to shove some puffs into the snack trap and drag him with me.

 Be kind to yourself in this transition, but also realize that in the right program, kids thrive.  The nanny schedule might not work out - working the morning, being absent, then working evening.  If you end up with full time care just take your time and find the right program.

QueSrah

The great thing about working a set schedule out of the house is that when you're home with the kid, that's your sole focus.  You might even get *better* time with him if you're not distracted with work.

Lots of kids do GREAT with both parents working out of the house, with nannies, other outside of the home daycare, full time preschool, etc.  Just because you're used to being home all day and accessible doesn't mean being away will be bad for him.  He will always know that you're his mom, whether you're home 24/7 or not.

gymnst1013

2chatter:

I found that after DD went to a center full time I was much more relaxed.  I was also more focused and available.  I considered doing a part time program for DS, but when we looked at the schedules for the toddler rooms and up, the nap schedule didn't make sense to move him around.  I still struggle with running by the store before picking him up, but I know he would seriously prefer and benefit from snack with his friends than from me trying to shove some puffs into the snack trap and drag him with me.

 Be kind to yourself in this transition, but also realize that in the right program, kids thrive.  The nanny schedule might not work out - working the morning, being absent, then working evening.  If you end up with full time care just take your time and find the right program.

Thanks for the encouragement.  I should also have been more clear about the nanny schedule.  While it would be great if we had someone willing to leave and come back each day, that's not a super important point for me.

gymnst1013

QueSrah:

The great thing about working a set schedule out of the house is that when you're home with the kid, that's your sole focus.  You might even get *better* time with him if you're not distracted with work.

Lots of kids do GREAT with both parents working out of the house, with nannies, other outside of the home daycare, full time preschool, etc.  Just because you're used to being home all day and accessible doesn't mean being away will be bad for him.  He will always know that you're his mom, whether you're home 24/7 or not.

Yes, I am really hoping this is the case.  I have to admit it will be nice to not be tied to the job all my waking hours.  I'll be leaving work at the door for the first time in 3+ years.

gymnst1013

hocus:

It will be fine. As someone who has always worked from home I think you might find the change very helpful. Any my children who have known their nanny all their lives knows VERY well who her mom is.

A new nanny is fine if you want to do that, but I would also consider daycare as well. It may be cheaper overall and allow for your husband to focus and be more effective. 

Thanks   I'm sure once we are in the thick of it, it will be OK but being on the precipice is scaring the heck out of me!