Late Term and Child Loss

Still sooo mad...

Ugh... I cannot keep myself from thinking that if they had done a pelvic exam they may have actually seen what was going on and possibly been able to stop it with a cerclage or some type of meds bc he wasn't born til 16 hours later... It just makes me so mad... I really like the midwife that checked me but she just checked the ultrasound and since he looked good on that she stopped there... I left thinking she should have but didn't know any better... He just needed to make it a few more weeks and we may have been okay :/ I just can't get past that...
DD 9-10-10 DS 5-3-13 our sweet angel boy

Re: Still sooo mad...

  • I am so sorry that they didn't check you, I can't tell you not to be mad because I would be too. 

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  • Trust me, I am angry about so many things, too.  Unfortunately, it won't change anything.  I have had to remind myself of that at least once a day.  I am so mad that my last doctor appointments got pushed back.  I keep thinking, what if my appointments hadn't been rescheduled?  Maybe they would have been able to tell something was wrong?  And what if I had gone to the doctor as soon as I felt her moving less?  I am so angry that I wasn't more paranoid about everything.  But there is no way to know that even if more had been done, it would have saved our babies.  Just take comfort in the fact that you loved your baby so much. 

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  • In the first few days after losing Devon, I was angry at everyone. I was angry at my OB for not bringing me back in, I was angry at myself for not realizing something was wrong, I was angry at the u/s tech because I thought she'd missed something...

    But after nine months, lots of medical updates and counseling, I've been able to find peace in the fact that there was nothing that could've been done. Even the delivering OB said this was a fluke accident and that, unless I was hooked up to a monitor or something 24/7, there's no way I would've known. And, even if I had, once my placenta ruptured, there's no guarantee they could've saved Devon. After awhile, you have to let go of the guilt and the anger, because it eats you alive. It ate me alive for months. I've taken comfort in knowing that Devon will never know anything but the unconditional love that I had for him. He'll never know fear, or hurt, or pain, or disappointment. He'll just know love. While I would much rather have him here with me, if I can't, at least he has all of my love with him.

    I hope that, one day, you can find peace. I know it will take a very long time, and for some women I know, they never really find peace. But I do hope you find peace and comfort one day. 


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  • So sorry. I'd be angry too, and I find myself angry as well still. Nothing could have been done for me, but I find myself thinking if I had gone into labor a few days earlier she would have been fine. But, PP are right, we can't change it. It is ok to be mad though, just don't let yourself be consumed by it.

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  • I ask myself all the time, what if I had gone in and insisted on being checked, what if they had done a pelvic...would they have seen my cervix weakening and done an emergency cerclage? Would my baby still be safe and baking in my tummy?  I finally had to stop playing the what if game because they are answers I will never get and it is just going to destroy me. I am still angry and you have every right to be angry too. I am so sorry for your loss and that any of us have to be hear.
    Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.

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