Can't One Thing Just Go Right?

sammer818

Warning - this is a long whiney, venty, pity party post.

DH and I started working with a brand new surrogacy agency about a month ago. It's a one-woman operation and we LOVED her! Her rates were way cheaper than the other agency in our state and she was an amazing lady. She even had two potential surrogates that we could meet. We met with one for dinner and we thought things went really well (that was on a Friday). On Monday, we went this woman an email saying we'd like to work with her. We really aren't picky. At this point, we just want a responsible woman who is going to take care of us and the pregnancy. Well, it turns out she wanted us to be friends and have this awesome emotional bond before she would even agree to work with us. That just wasn't ok - we couldn't build a true friendship/connection with someone is this situation because it would be based on us wanting something from her.

The other potential surrogate decided to work with an out-of-state agency, so there was no one left for us to possibly be match with. So, we had to step away from working with this amazing agency and go with one that is way more expensive, less personal, and farther away. I'm so angry and sad that we had to start all over again. I just mailed the application yesterday and I'm bitter that I had to pay them a non-refundable check just to look at our application and see if we are good enough to work with but the drug-abuser down the street can pop out kids like nobody's business.

To make it worse, we have our annual girls' weekend trip next weekend. Two of the girls are pregnant and we are having one of the showers on Saturday. I was ok with it because I thought we'd at least be a tiny bit closer to having a family...but no. We are no closer than we were after our 6th loss. To make it worse, my friends have made me the elephant in the room - they all know about my situation but refuse to acknowledge it and it's awkward when there are kids around.

Overall, my heart hurts today. I'm feeling especially angry and bitter and I'm so sad that we are completely starting over. It's not a good day for me today.

Thanks for letting me whine and vent. I feel a tiny bit better now that I've gotten it all out. Sorry this got so long. 

Kaf8278

I can't relate to looking for a surrogate but I can relate to the anger, bitterness, and jealousy in my fertility journey. It is so hard to have patience after trying for so long and feeling like you are at square one. It is so hard to have friends not want to talk to you because they don't know what to say. All I can offer is that only do what you can do. If it is too much to sit through baby showers, then don't. It's okay. Take care of you! My thoughts are with you!

DoublePortion

I am so sorry you are having to start all over and with an agency that's not your first choice. I hope that the agency will work fast and you won't have to wait too much longer. I hope you are able to enjoy your weekend and that your friends are compassionate towards you. Huge hugs!

stinkerbell6879

Even though we are not using a surrogate, I can completely relate to this right now. I hope the girls weekend ends up being more fun then painful for you ((HUGS)) 

liz4paws

Big hugs! I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this.

Mama-Bear

I'm very sorry and I can't imagine the frustration you must be feeling.  What agency were/are you working with?  I used Family Source Consultants as a surrogate and loved them.  I have no idea how their fees compare to what you're paying, but they seem very personal even though I'm out of state and have never met them, I've spoken to them countless times on the phone and through e-mail, I feel like I know them and as if they know me.  I will say, I don't think it's uncommon for a surrogate to want a "friendship" relationship, but there are those that prefer more of a business relationship.  IMO, if you're looking for more of a business relationship, let your agency and any potential surrogates know upfront, it'll save a lot of hurt feelings and frustration down the road.  Good luck to you, I hope you get matched with a wonderful carrier soon.  Have you thought of looking independently, or do you prefer to stick with an agency?

ETA:  I agree with Kaf, if it's going to be too painful to go to the baby shower, then don't go. 

BeckyP005

I am so sorry with all that is happening to you. Big hugs and hope the weekend turns around to be an ok one. Take care

Jen12573

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I know what you mean about, when it rains it pours. I hope that you are able to find the surrogate you are hoping for. And I hope that your girls weekend finds you some peace, happiness, and some fun too! Be well!

KateBee

I'm so sorry - I'm going through a very similar thing right now and asking myself the same question. After all of the infertility sadness, why can't this be even slightly easier? You'll be in my thoughts!