Feeling Discouraged

DoublePortion

I haven't been on the DEmbryo path a long time but this week I'm just feeling like it's never going to happen. Friday will be 3 weeks since we were put on our RE's list and I haven't heard a peep from them. It scares me to think that it may take forever for them to have some available and then when they finally get some we might not be comfortable accepting the ones they have. All the other clinics I've checked out are either too expensive or their success rates aren't that great. I wish something would shake loose!

liz4paws

Hugs... I felt similarly last autumn and it was awful waiting.

I am sending you a PM with the name of a clinic here in Austin that might help. Are you considering Miracles Waiting? I know that most of the matches there are done in an open situation, but some of them want to donate and be done. If you post an ad letting people know you want strictly anonymous there are donors there who are reading (but didn't post a donor ad) that might be very interested in what you're looking for.

I'm still keeping my eyes peeled for ya!

DoublePortion

I do check MW occasionally. I didn't think about people looking for an anonymous situation on there though. I wouldn't mind a slightly open situation to keep up with medical info and for the children to meet their siblilings in the future. The idea of an extended family situation is not something I'm interested in at all though and I've seen a lot of ads there wanting that. Thanks for all your help and advice!!

liz4paws

DoublePortion:

I do check MW occasionally. I didn't think about people looking for an anonymous situation on there though. I wouldn't mind a slightly open situation to keep up with medical info and for the children to meet their siblilings in the future. The idea of an extended family situation is not something I'm interested in at all though and I've seen a lot of ads there wanting that. Thanks for all your help and advice!!

Even though MW wasn't where we made our match(es), I can tell you from speaking to plenty of EA/ED mamas that there are exponentially more people browsing ads than those who actually place them. Once you get an ad up, you will find that you are contacted by people who don't have ads. We were contacted quite a few times, and in fact I think only one of them had an ad posted.

And your interest in a semi-open adoption (medical records only) is actually more common than you think. I know this is a total left field thing, but have you ever considered blogging? I can't believe how many people came to me via my blog. Plus, blogging is a great outlet so I'm a big advocate for it. Just another thought! Check your mail, I sent you another option too.

stinkerbell6879

Just sending (((HUGS))) being in IF limbo sucks so bad. I hope something happens soon for you!

Km672

Double P, I responded late to your intro post... Hope it's helpful!

Just realized you are looking for a more open adoption, not sure if my suggestion would be an option.

DoublePortion

Km672:

Double P, I responded late to your intro post... Hope it's helpful! Just realized you are looking for a more open adoption, not sure if my suggestion would be an option.

I just went and read your response. I have looked into CA Conceptions but it just doesn't feel right for what I want.  Thank you though!

BeckyP005

Big hugs. It seems there is a wait for anything IF related

I have been on the DE waiting list 7 months now and had to wait 6 months before that for a retake mamm. Waiting really stinks especailly when I will be 45 next week...booo. It looks like I will still be waiting throughout summer.

I also didn't opt for another clinic or an agency because of $ too. Sigh...it will be our turn soon. FX for a speedy match!!

DoublePortion

stinkerbell6879:

Just sending (((HUGS))) being in IF limbo sucks so bad. I hope something happens soon for you!

Thanks  

DoublePortion

BeckyP005:

Big hugs. It seems there is a wait for anything IF related

I have been on the DE waiting list 7 months now and had to wait 6 months before that for a retake mamm. Waiting really stinks especailly when I will be 45 next week...booo. It looks like I will still be waiting throughout summer.

I also didn't opt for another clinic or an agency because of $ too. Sigh...it will be our turn soon. FX for a speedy match!!

Ugh, I hope you get to cycle soon! ((hugs)) 

TwinMommyDoubleBlessings

Are you willing to travel out of state to another clinic?

We were on multiple waiting lists for DEmbryos. 

The policies are not consistent between clinics.  Some clinics only take former IVF patients.  Some clinics are open to anyone. Some make you do a phone consult first then add you to the waiting list.   Some make you pay $100-$200 to get on the waiting list.  Almost every clinic / program is different, so you have to look around.

2 places to try are Cooper Institute in NJ. You have to travel there for transfer.  It was $100 at one time to get on waiting list.  

Reprotech Cyropreservation Bank in MN.  They transfer embryos to your clinic of choice.

Don't know if other embryo (egg / sperm) freezing banks offer donor embryos, but you might want to look. 

Strongly agree with Liz's suggestions to post an ad on Miracles Waiting.  Lots of lurkers without ads.  Seems like most want to contact you, but don't want to post ad that they embryos available as they would be bombarded with emails.  At least that is my take on situation.

If you are open with your journey, then doing a blog is a great "marketing" tool, so to speak.  Get the word out to as many people as you can.  Use Facebook too.  You never know who knows someone who might have embryos. 

Also, if you want to go through an adoption home study, the National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) has lots of embryos from what I have read.

C.CRM has a donor embryo program, but I think you have to be a former patient.

  

DoublePortion

Yes, I am willing to travel and have been doing quite a bit of researching clinics. I called ReproTech a few months ago and their wait was 3 years!

TwinMommyDoubleBlessings

I would still join as many waiting lists as you can... even if they say the wait is long.  You just never know how quickly people will cycle through the list or others will drop off list or more embryos will be donated.

Someone I know was told it would be 1.5 year wait at Reprotech and were contaced within 6-9 months, I think. 

At Cooper, they have a different kind of system, if I understand it correctly. They send out a list of available embryos about once a quarter.  Everyone on the list has a chance to send in their requests by a designated date for the embryos they are interested in.  So if 2 couples both want embroys XYZ, then the couple that had been on Cooper's list longer would be assigned those embryos.  But even if it is your first month on list, if you pick embryos that no one else wanted, you could be matched immediately.  This gives you lots of control in the choosing process because you only "bid" on the embryos you are interested in each quarter. 

There is a clinic in Grand Rapids, MI.  I don't know name of their clinic, but the RE's last names are Dodds & Young.  You might have to be a former patient, but I have heard of people waiting only a few months there for embryos.

AmCheri

I'm so sorry DP.  This road definitely isn't for the faint of heart. When you want something so much, time just seems to creep by as you wait for it to happen.  

Do you feel confident with your clinic's program coordinator?  Perhaps calling and just asking for an update would be helpful.  At our clinic, they've gotten so busy that I think patients really need to advocate for themselves and remain in close contact. I don't know your situation so this may not be helpful.  I'm just harkening back to when we waited several weeks to find out if a specific donor would agree to cycle for us. When I followed up with the clinic, it was immediately clear that they needed some prompting.  

Either way, I'm sorry you're down.  Wish it could be so much easier. T&Ps that something good comes your way soon!  Hugs.  

TwinMommyDoubleBlessings

found this link to clinics with DEmbryo programs and agencies, hope it helps

https://www.embryoadoption.org/clinics/clinic_donation_programs.cfm

https://www.embryoadoption.org/adoption_agencies/embryo_adoption_services_matrix.cfm

LittleLady77

Waiting sucks. I'm sorry. IF is a true test of patience. 

DoublePortion

AmCheri:

I'm so sorry DP.  This road definitely isn't for the faint of heart. When you want something so much, time just seems to creep by as you wait for it to happen.  

Do you feel confident with your clinic's program coordinator?  Perhaps calling and just asking for an update would be helpful.  At our clinic, they've gotten so busy that I think patients really need to advocate for themselves and remain in close contact. I don't know your situation so this may not be helpful.  I'm just harkening back to when we waited several weeks to find out if a specific donor would agree to cycle for us. When I followed up with the clinic, it was immediately clear that they needed some prompting.  

Either way, I'm sorry you're down.  Wish it could be so much easier. T&Ps that something good comes your way soon!  Hugs.  

Yesterday I called and left a message for the coordinator "just to see if they'd had any luck getting embryos donated". Hopefully she'll call back soon. She's not the best at making prompt return calls. My mom said I should call every week, but I don't want to be THAT patient. lol 

DoublePortion

TwinMommyDoubleBlessings:

found this link to clinics with DEmbryo programs and agencies, hope it helps

https://www.embryoadoption.org/clinics/clinic_donation_programs.cfm

https://www.embryoadoption.org/adoption_agencies/embryo_adoption_services_matrix.cfm

Thanks!