your siblings with children.... do you compare/judge?

beachgirl1977

I have a brother and a sister both younger who are just starting families. I have 2 kids 6 and 2 so for years its just been me with kids.  My kids are overall well behaved, but of course they have trantums, the terrible twos, etc (more often during times we are off schedule, late dinners --- all of which are more likely around family functions.

It's just frustrating when the kids are cranky and my siblings don't understand or want to go to later dinners but don't understand why i don't want to keep the kids up till 9.    

I have been saying (to myself of course)  oh just wait till you have kids...... but now I find myself wondering what if their kids don't get cranky, or are great nursers and sleep through the night at 1 month or something..... does that mean I'm a bad mom.   i guess I feel like my parenting skills have been on display with everyone watching (and I am sure judging at some points)  Will I just look like a crap parent with cranky kids who made mistakes parenting her kids

bumpuser260585

I am the middle child but was the first to have kids. DS used to go to bed around 6:30 amd wouldn't sleep unless he was in bed. Before my sister had a baby she would tell me to just let ds sleep in his carseat and he should just go along with whatever.

She has a one year old now that will just sleep whenever wherever, but he is the type of kid that can't be put down. He throws a fit if someone isn't holding him at all times. So while your nieces and nephews may not need strict schedules like your LO, they might have other things that you think shouldn't be a big deal.

saraboston

Kids are who they are. DD has a cousin who's the same age, she's an amazing talker but really uncoordinated, his athletic skills are awesome but slightly language delayed. All kids have good days and bad days, and they all even out in the end... when the kids are 10 no one is going to care who nursed or slept. There will always be new battles and things to compare, you can't worry about it. 

AliSarah

I'm the worst at this with my SIL... She met my daughter when dd was about 10 and her first observation of dd was that dd talked all through a movie at the theater. She actually said in front of the whole family, "Does Rachel just not know it's not ok to talk at the movies?" So, of course, whether I wanted to or not, my hackles got up a bit that sil thinks I did an awful job and/or raised a rude kid. And, sil didn't have any kids and had not really been around any kids...(I couldn't figure out why sil didn't just shh dd the first time, which would have solved the whole thing, especially since sil asked to sit with DD to "practice" since she was wanting to have some kids asap.)

Now, she has 2 kids and they are behaving about how I would expect them to. They do things that their parents think are ok that I don't think are ok. They don't do things their parents don't think are a big deal that I definitely think are a big deal. And, my daughter is still perfect, lol... <-- Obviously I'm kidding there, but my daughter has turned out very well, is generally a joy to be around and will be graduating this year. She has been accepted to college, is a great help with my new baby, and generally makes the lives of most people she comes into contact with either better or easier depending on which would be appropriate. 

It's hard not to compare the job I have done or am doing with the jobs other folks around me are doing, but I think it is worst with SIL for me. Maybe it's because I think she thinks she is better than me. Maybe it's because she is older than I am. For a while, I thought she looked down on me because I am a SAHM. But, now that her youngest kid is in kindergarten, she has become a SAHM this year as well, and I have learned that she always wanted to be one. So, maybe she seemed harder on me/my dd because she thought I should have been able to raise an even better kid than I did since I wasn't working. 

In the end though, every parent teaches their kids to behave according to what is most important to them. We're always going to think someone else is doing it wrong, because our priorities are different from theirs. And, they will probably always look at what we are doing and think the same thing of our choices. So, I'm better off if I don't compare, but it's a challenge for me every day. I struggle with it for sure. But, I bet you are a great mom and your kids know it! And, that's the most important thing, right??

chardonnay24

I don't compare, but I definitely judge at times. I try not to, but it can be hard to watch something I don't agree with or think they are handling incorrectly. Of course, their oldest is 5 and I haven't been there, so I've never said anything and I try to keep judgmental thoughts out of my head.

They judge me (out loud) for certain things and I usually just say, "Why don't you parent your kid and I'll parent mine" or something to shut them up.

nanabanana06

They'll understand eventually. I get that people will compare and judge within families. I know I do it with my Brothers kids. However, it's more of the choices their mother makes and the things they do more than anything. But  thats a different story. However, tey will get it.

Nita2603

DH's siblings have judged not too silently before...and Karma bit them in the azz eventually, his brother in particular.

Generally though, I would not worry. Let them judge. We all have very different styles in parenting, we all set different priorities. Do what is right for your little family and don't worry about what your siblings think. It's not important.

cedenton

My nephew is three weeks younger than my son, so it's hard not to compare.  He's crawling first, he's bigger, yada yada.  I try not to do it too much or judge so I mentally smack myself when I do.  It totally goes both ways.

I sort've judged when I heard they were putting rice cereal in their son's bottle.  I feel judged for feeding my son meat when they're holding off because meats have more toxins and are harder to digest (per my mom).

I gloat that my son STTN and theirs doesn't, though.  I should totally not do that for fear of cursing myself. 

Overall, though, I know they're great parents and everyone just does what works for them.