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Feeling Down

poohnikipoohniki member
in Infertility

Negative thinking is such a vicious cycle! Going in for ER tomorrow and my EH level is 1100. RE is happy with that. Last time it was 1600 and I had 4 mature eggs. RE is hoping for at least 5-6 mature eggs. This time I have a lot of small ones and about 11 in the 14-20 range. With that EH level I'm doubting they are mature.

As I've mentioned before this is our absolute last ER. RE promised we could cancel the cycle is anything went wrong, including DH's new ufo not finding sperm. So I'm scheduled for 8am and DH goes in at noon. Looks like that plan is out the window. (Although I doubt they won't find anything. DH usually had epididymal sperm)

And because of the huge time difference and 2 surgical sites, we need to have other family involved to transport the sperm. Going to be stuck waiting in the RE's office until the sperm arrives which will be probably around 2pm. Then we go pick up DH from his site and drive 2 hours home. 

DH is super stressed out- we've been fighting about what to do if it doesn't work. I kinda like having a back up plan just in case. We have come to a crossroads this time. Afraid to think about it.

Really hating IF today, but trying to think positive thoughts. Anyone have good news? Trying to break this cycle!

***WARNING***

TTC Since 12/2008;  DH: 32, Azoospermia     me: 33, DX during IVF #4: Low AMH (Normal FSH) / SER due 
to IVF Meds (causing failure to fertilize) Recent DX: Hashimoto's, Lupus Anticoagulant, White Blood Cell Disorder 
High ANA, ATA, & APA, PAI-1 Heterozygous= blood clotting disorder; connective tissue disorder 
IVF w/ ICSI #1 2/2011     IVF w/ ICSI #2 5/2011    IVF w/ ICSI #3 12/2012   *New RE* IVF w/ ICSI #4  5/2013
IVF w/ ICSI #5 8/2013 (Natural Cycle- No drugs)- One follicle->one blast. CCS normal. FET 9/10- 6BB blast. m/c @ 5w
IUI #1 12/23- BFN  IUI #2 Cancelled (ovulated during AF)  Prep:CoQ10 (300 mg); DHEA (25 mg); Melatonin (3 mg), Folgard 2.2, Metformin 500 2x, Levothyroxine 50mcg, Aspirin 81mg w/ calcium, B12,  Vit. D 4000 & Prenate Elite Daily; Cabergoline 1/2 pill 2x week-  Cycling: Estrace Priming; Prednisone 10mg, Lovenox 40mg 2x,  Femera & Menopur   
IUI #2.1 6/30 & 7/1. 1st Beta: 90 (7/15); 2nd Beta: 226 (7/17); 3rd Beta: 766   EDD: 3/23/2015

   **ALL WELCOME**                                    My Blog 
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Re: Feeling Down

  • GettinCraftyGettinCrafty member
    IF (and all those moving parts you're keeping track of) sucks! Just wanted to drop in and send some positive thoughts your way. You got this. :)

    Began TTC #1 in Sept. 2010. I was 33, DH was 36.. Dx with DOR and slight MFI (8/4/11).

    Test results (after first RE visit 6/21/11): 7DPO b/w: Progesterone = 11.3; CD3 b/w: FSH = 10.1 mUnits/mL, E2= 52.0 pg/mL, AFC: 6; SIS Ultrasound: Uterus great, tubes clear! AMH: 0.3 

    IUI#1 June 2012 (Follistim/HCG trigger): BFN 
    IUI#2 July 2012 (Follistim/HCG trigger): BFN 
    IUI#3 August 2012 (Follistim/HCG trigger): CP (Beta #1: 4.61, Beta #2: 1.0) 
    IUI#4 October 2012 (Follistim, ovulated before trigger, missed IUI, converted to TI): BFN 
    Jan. 2013 New RE
    IVF #1 June 2013 MDL Protocol. Converted to IUI#4.1. (High E2 and 3+ mature follicles at first monitoring.) BFFN
    IVF #1.2 August 2013 Stop Lupron Protocol with Human Growth Hormone added. 17R, 14M, 9F (with ICSI), 2 embryos (decent quality - grade 2) transferred on day 3, 2 blasts made it to freeze. Beta 8/26. BFFN :'(

    FET #1 December 2013 Last try! Transferred 2 blasts -- graded 3AB and 4BB. Beta #1 (12/27/13) 530. Beta #2 (12/30/13) 1876. BFP! One bean. EDD 9/3/2014!

    We welcomed the most beautiful baby girl into the world on September 11, 2014!

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  • solisilousolisilou member
    I think I would be freaking out too, if it was my last insured ER. I even avoid talking with DH about less than perfect scenarios for fear of a starting huge fight... I'm keeping my FX for you tomorrow!
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  • AustinAg03AustinAg03 member
    Wow, that's a lot to juggle!  Hang in there and FX that everything works out just as planned!
    TTC #1 since November 2011
    Me 32, DH 32
    Dx: Unexplained IF
    RE consult October 2012 
    Clomid and IUI Nov 2012-March 2013 BFNs
    IVF#1 on CD10! April 2013 - ER (27 retrieved, 19 fertilized) 4/21 - ET cancelled due to OHSS. 10 frosties 
    FET#1 w/ one blast May 2013-BFN
    FET #2 w/ one blast July 2013-BFP!!! Beta 9dp5dt: 129 Beta 13dp5dt: 867 Beta 20dp5dt: 13621 Beta 27dp5dt: 53341 U/S #1: 7/31 heartbeat 127 measuring right on time EDD March 20th, 2014
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  • poohnikipoohniki member

    Thanks. I'm still trying to stay positive. I just came home from my acupuncture appointment which helped a little. 

    I also asked a colleague how work was while I've been MIA and it looks like I took the most perfect time off. :)

    Although I probably broke even- I just remembered my new stepmother-in-law is staying with me while I recover. She's my age and tells way too many raunchy jokes about her and my father-in-law. Eww!  

    FX for my own good outcome and that the anesthesia doesn't wear off quickly. 

    ***WARNING***

    TTC Since 12/2008;  DH: 32, Azoospermia     me: 33, DX during IVF #4: Low AMH (Normal FSH) / SER due 
    to IVF Meds (causing failure to fertilize) Recent DX: Hashimoto's, Lupus Anticoagulant, White Blood Cell Disorder 
    High ANA, ATA, & APA, PAI-1 Heterozygous= blood clotting disorder; connective tissue disorder 
    IVF w/ ICSI #1 2/2011     IVF w/ ICSI #2 5/2011    IVF w/ ICSI #3 12/2012   *New RE* IVF w/ ICSI #4  5/2013
    IVF w/ ICSI #5 8/2013 (Natural Cycle- No drugs)- One follicle->one blast. CCS normal. FET 9/10- 6BB blast. m/c @ 5w
    IUI #1 12/23- BFN  IUI #2 Cancelled (ovulated during AF)  Prep:CoQ10 (300 mg); DHEA (25 mg); Melatonin (3 mg), Folgard 2.2, Metformin 500 2x, Levothyroxine 50mcg, Aspirin 81mg w/ calcium, B12,  Vit. D 4000 & Prenate Elite Daily; Cabergoline 1/2 pill 2x week-  Cycling: Estrace Priming; Prednisone 10mg, Lovenox 40mg 2x,  Femera & Menopur   
    IUI #2.1 6/30 & 7/1. 1st Beta: 90 (7/15); 2nd Beta: 226 (7/17); 3rd Beta: 766   EDD: 3/23/2015

       **ALL WELCOME**                                    My Blog 
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