Should BD work an extra shift or see DS? What a dilemma...

twister22

For mobile bumpies: Should BD work an extra shift or see DS? What a dilemma...

That's sarcasm, BTW. BD called and said he wanted to talk to DS(4.5), since he hasn't seen or talked to him since mid-April. I tried to wake DS up but he had fallen asleep on the way home.

Quick background: BD works 3rd shift, and works 3 nights one week, and then 4 nights the next week,(So it's 3 nights on, 4 nights off, 4 nights on, 3 nights off.) but he has been working almost every single night and getting overtime. He said when he's not scheduled he just shows up, and they rarely ever turn people away to work - he's never been turned away.

Back to the story: I ask BD when he plans to see DS next. He said he didn't know. Then he says "Well, if they turn me away tonight, can I come get him and have him spend the night and bring him back tomorrow night?" I say sure. I ask if he thinks they'll turn him away, and he says no.

Guess what? They didn't turn him away. Here's what I don't understand: BD doesn't have to go into work, they don't even expect him to go into work on his nights off. So why is he choosing work over DS?

 

Phantomgirl

Because his priorities are all screwed up! My DH chooses work over SS everytime.

ReeseFox

Is this the BD in the custody battle for his DD? If I recall he's also got housing issues too, right? Those are two reasons he might genuinely need the extra money. 

ETA I'm sorry if I have you confused with someone else. It's hard to keep everyone's story straight. 

twister22

ReeseFox:

Is this the BD in the custody battle for his DD? If I recall he's also got housing issues too, right? Those are two reasons he might genuinely need the extra money. 

ETA I'm sorry if I have you confused with someone else. It's hard to keep everyone's story straight. 

You've got the right person. He is in the custody battle for his DD, but his lawyer said she would be surprised if he goes over his retainer, so he is good on that end, at least for now. And he moved back in with his mom, and said he plans to stay there until at least 2014, probably longer.

I definitely understand the need for money, but BD does not know how to manage money. He has a brand new car, all the latest electronics, and goes on weekend getaways several times a year with his single, no kid friends. Which is all fine - except he is 8k in child support arrears and lives with his parents. And that turned into a mini vent, whoops. 

ReeseFox

twister22:

I definitely understand the need for money, but BD does not know how to manage money. He has a brand new car, all the latest electronics, and goes on weekend getaways several times a year with his single, no kid friends. Which is all fine - except he is 8k in child support arrears and lives with his parents. And that turned into a mini vent, whoops. 

I can definitely relate to this. BD here was over 8k in arrears. For years I didn't see a penny because he "had bills" and "had to pay off" this and that. I guess he thought food, shelter, clothing, etc just magically appeared for me because clearly I didn't have my own bills to pay on top of being the sole provider for DD.

blondii428

Because he is trying to make a good living. You should be happy, I'm sure there are many fathers out there that are plain lazy and the moms are lucky to even get any child support from them. Yes, he should definitely be spending more time with his son but then why don't you have a more regular schedule set up to avoid this?

Phantomgirl

blondii428:

Because he is trying to make a good living. You should be happy, I'm sure there are many fathers out there that are plain lazy and the moms are lucky to even get any child support from them. Yes, he should definitely be spending more time with his son but then why don't you have a more regular schedule set up to avoid this?

Were you drunk typing this?

He's an adult and his child should be a priority in his life.

Why should OP be happy that's he's earning money when he's in arrears?

Lucky to get CS? It's the law!!

It's also not her job to figure out his schedule.

She is to busy with her OWN life and taking care of and providing for THEIR kid.

twister22

Phantomgirl:

blondii428:

Because he is trying to make a good living. You should be happy, I'm sure there are many fathers out there that are plain lazy and the moms are lucky to even get any child support from them. Yes, he should definitely be spending more time with his son but then why don't you have a more regular schedule set up to avoid this?

Were you drunk typing this? He's an adult and his child should be a priority in his life. Why should OP be happy that's he's earning money when he's in arrears? Lucky to get CS? It's the law!! It's also not her job to figure out his schedule. She is to busy with her OWN life and taking care of and providing for THEIR kid.

Phantom, I love you.

Blondii, did you see the previous post (on this thread) on what BD spends his money on? And, we have a regular schedule, we have a freaking CO. But, BD almost never follows this. And I am nice and accommodate is never-ending schedule changes. Because I'm a nice BM, and I care about DS, and I want him to see his dad, so instead of saying "tough luck, you'll have to wait 14 more days since you just missed your weekend" I accommodate him.

You know, I gave your DH a bit of a pass for being 19 when he had SD, but now I think you're a bit blind and biased in your situation. You basically think a father cares an ounce that he's an amazing dad, and the BM should feel 'so lucky.' I'm sorry, but I don't see things that way. My DS deserves better. 

blondii428

You're right I didn't read your entire thread. Sucks to be judged when someone doesn't know the whole story right? If he isn't spending the money on the right things then you are absolutely right he should be spending more time with your son instead of picking up extra work.

Wahoo

wendilea:

My advice is to stick to the CO.  If he chooses to miss a visit, it's on him.  He will either figure out that you're not going to do gymnastics anymore to accommodate him, or he'll continue to be a douchecanoe.

This. 

Also, have you looked into garnishing his wages for support?  If he is working so much OT, he should be able to have it taken out of his paycheck.  If he can't manage his money after after working so much, then that is on HIM.