Stressed about bed sharing with new baby.

Jekadah

Hi Ladies,

    I have a question regarding sleeping with a toddler and a newborn and I would appreciate any feedback of stories any of you may have who have experienced this. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and I have a soon to be 14 month old DD. I have slept with DD since she was born and we both love it. DD still nurses very frequently (basically all day and still a few times at night) I have no plans to wean her and hope to tandem nurse once my son is born. I would prefer to have both of my babies in bed with me, since they are both going to be nursing and even if they aren't I love the bonding. 

       My DD is a CRAZY sleeper, I usually wake up every day to find either her or myself half way off the bed. If I put her against the wall (mattress is on the floor) she rolls herself off the end of the bed. I don't feel totally safe putting a new born in bed with us, and I also don't want to kick my daughter out of bed. Has anyone had any experience with this? How were you able to ensure your newborns safety with a toddler in bed?

    

PraiseLord79

She is too old to be in the bed. I don't undertand why you want both there. That is creepy if you ask me. Besides have you heard of SIDS?

Runaway22

PraiseLord79:

She is too old to be in the bed. I don't undertand why you want both there. That is creepy if you ask me. Besides have you heard of SIDS?

She actually didn't ask you if you thought it was creepy. She wasn't asking for anyone's approval to bed share, either (which actually decreases the SIDS risk when done safely... which is why she's asking for advice... on how to continue bed sharing safely). Are you for real? Don't troll the AP board. Not cool, bro. 

notreallyirish

I don't think it's advisable to have both in bed with you at the same time. I'm fairly certain that James Mckenna, the anthropologist who has done extensive research and publishing about cosleeping, does not advise toddlers and newborns in the same bed.

Maybe you could put a second mattress in the room and go between the two as necessary. Your DH could sleep with one or the other to comfort them if you need to tend the other. Possibly you could sleep in one bed with you in the middle, but I wouldn't feel safe. Toddlers move too much.

pitterpatter129

Honestly, I wouldn't.  14 months was the exact age we started some light "sleep-training" with DS1.  We moved him to a twin mattress in his room and then when he woke up, a floor mat next to my side of the bed.  He just too "kicky" for me.  When Newbie came we got a toddler clock and transitioned him to his big bed in his room.  He's a little older than your LO though now.  Honestly, it's been harder on us than on him!   I miss hearing him breathe at night.

 

NerdyMama2

I wouldn't. I'd start transitioning the toddler into a crib.

Jekadah

Thanks ladies I appreciate the advice, all of the real advice anyway. My husband works third shift so DD sleeping with him is not an option, since he sleeps all day and is gone all night. I will look in to having her in her own space but still right next to my bed I am definitely not at the point where I want her in her own room. 

kami1977

I have my 3 year old in bed with my 11 month old and myself. I've trained the 3 year old to sleep on one side of me and my daughter sleeps on the other side. DD is the only one still nursing so if I need to nurse her on the side the toddler is on I stay awake while she nurses then move her back to her side. When DD was a newborn she slept in a pack n play right next to my bed up until 6ish months.

hollowstar

I am expecting my second any minute and we are planning to bedshare with Toddler (2 and a half) and Newborn. We actually have a co-sleeper bassinet (for when the newborn comes) against our queen bed, and the toddler is on a slightly lower twin bed + box spring next to our bed, but we move around a lot some nights. 

I will most likely allow Toddler to sleep on one side of me, as I know that I am alert enough to make sure he doesn't roll over me onto Baby or anything. I will try to start him off on his own bed but so long as there is a person between him and the baby, I think it will be OK. 

Do you have a partner, or will it just be the 3 of you in bed? 

Would your DD be OK on a twin pushed up next to your bed? That way you could roll over to nurse her, but she'd be in her own little space. (My son has needy phases but I was really surprised how quickly he took to having his own bed.) 

Bottom line: I don't think it's dangerous to bedshare with both. Breastfeeding makes it especially safe, and you are already familiar with safe co-sleeping practices. If you do plan to do any transitioning, I would do it NOW rather than later, to ensure that she doesn't end up feeling displaced by the baby.