Moving on. (You can call it venting)

jh2811

Today I found out that my SIL will be having a baby girl and I'm thrilled for her however it makes me sad.  My dd will be 5 next month (she was a surprise) and I've come to simple fact that I will probably never have a second child.  So I told my SIL that she can go through my baby clothes take what she wants and I will donate the rest.  I can't hang on to a what if. Three years is a long time, I don't have the money for all the tests and treatments and another six rounds of montitored clomid and massive mood swings isn't an option anymore.  I wasn't there for my daughter or my husband during those six months and thats time I can't get back.  Also since the husband has left for a year long deployment this is year won't be the lucky year.  Yeah I still have hope that I could have a miracle but I've got to move on and just accept the fact it's not in my cards.  Maybe I am being pessimestic but I can't do the charting and the whole nine yards anymore and getting depressed when AF shows up. I want to enjoy my life and need to learn to let go. I don't want to offend anyone, I just wanted to get it off my chest.  My friends and family don't understand because I get the whole, "You've already got one" crap.  So hopefully this next year I can learn to let go and be a better wife and mother and learn to love the life God has given me.  Good Luck to everyone and lots of baby dust!

Sharon216

Best of luck to you.  The average person just doesn't get it, which is why it's great to be able to share with a group of women that do.  There are days when I wish I could skip forward to the point when IF is no longer consuming my life.  That's when I do my best to focus on the positives and try to soak in every moment I can with DD.  Soon enough she'll be a teenager and if she's anything like me, she'll want nothing to do with her mother.  I'm still hoping and praying for another LO, mostly so DD can grow up with a sibling, but I cherish the last 3+ years of being just her mom.  

kofmkg

I'm sorry!  Wishing you so much support.  I hate it when the decisions are made for us.

tryingyetagain

IF really sucks!  I'm with you on wanting your life back, and wanting to let go of the obsession.  We are calling quits in the next couple of months, and I hope I'm able to let it all go if we are not pregnant by then.

Best of luck to you.

mlamping

I am sorry and I get it. If this cycle fails for us, I was done too. It is too much. For me it has been 2.5 years and that is a lot. Best of luck and I hope you find peace soon. 

mrsbnlmel

That's such a big step to start giving things away! I can't imagine how painful that is. Even debating the idea recently has brought me to tears! I was just looking at a few articles on the Resolve website yesterday, one was called "When is Enough Enough?" It really made me think about what limits we need to set in all of this for ourselves and our son. We are OOP and the financial aspect has already put a strain on us. I totally get that. But more than that, I've struggled with the ups and downs, getting depressed and not being the Mom I want to be. Anyone who has been through this struggle can understand that at some point you have to take care of yourself. You have to give yourself permission to be sad and grieve too. Anyone who says "you have one" has absolutely no idea the pain you're feeling. The love you have for one can not replace the longing to complete your family. Hugs to you!

MJC1116

First of all, I just wanted to say that I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel torn when I have good friends who get pregnant and I want to be happy for them, but at the same time, it just reinforces my daughter's age and the age gap between her and a potential sibling, if we're lucky. Working so hard to get pregnant gets old, thinking about it all the time gets old, worrying about AF gets old. Then I feel so guilty for using all of that energy on IF instead of on my family.

I wish I had words of advice or things to make you feel better, but all I can say is I completely understand and I wish it was different for all of us. I've had to let go of this month since DH will be gone, and I feel completely liberated to not have to worry about any of that stuff.