Husband shutting down on me

MyLilPeanut11

His mother is remarrying in august.  (father died 3 yrs ago, cancer) the mom promised she wouldn't remarry/change name but got engaged 2 yrs after father passed.  (I know its not right for my husband to expect her not to move on...but she shouldn't have promised...)

My husband is supposed to wear certain colors to wedding to match but he says he isn't going to buy them because he doesn't even want to be there.  I asked him to talk to his mom about the issues he is feeling but he wont. He wont talk to me other than to say "this wedding is bullshit". How can I get him to relax or deal with his feelings? His family is all big drinkers (not alcoholics just if theres a party they have fun) and im worried he will start talking about his feelings at the wrong time....like at the reception... or the rehearsal dinner...

please give me some ideas on how to help him work through these issues. thx

 

Kentuckyboy76

That is a tricky one, really the only thing he can do is talk to his mother, that is where his anger seems to be and short of him resolving it with her I don?t know what you can do other than support him and encourage him to talk to her.

My first wife died of cancer and many people tried to put their expectations of what was the right amount of time to move on etc. How to do it, she shouldn?t have promised but it is a hard thing to judge someone who has lost a love one to a disease like that can draws out the end so long in some cases. 

Best of luck

 

LuckyDad

My suggestion is therapy. He's almost certainly got some unresolved issues about his father's death, and now is angry at his mother.

Prime

Definitely therapy.

coryquebedeaux

My opinion is that his mother was going through a traumatic time.  Of course she's going to say something like "I won't have a desire to re-marry/meet someone new."  She needed time to get over her loss but it's unreasonable of your husband to act the way he's acting.  This is of course if the man is good to his mother and she is happy.  He's a grown man so he doesn't have to look to him as a father figure but he should want his mother to be happy in her latter years.  It doesn't mean she is over his father, it means she wants to have someone in her life.