Yet another DC question - opinion greatly appreciated

traveltheworld

Sorry, it seems like I'm on here every other day asking another DC question.

I went back to work when DS was 4 months, and he was watched by my parents.  We put him in one of the best DC in the city starting May 1 - he is now 10 months old.  I was totally excited about it and thought I was mentally prepared for him being sick/unhappy and all the negative aspects of DC, but boy, was I wrong.

In the past 2 weeks, DS has gotten a cold and a few days ago came down with a stomach bug.  DS isn't eating enough, despite his teachers' best efforts.  He is now visibly slimmer than when he started.  He is still pretty miserable and evenings have become a nightmare with him being super fussy/clingy.

 The thing is - we don't have to send him to DC.  My parents and ILs would be more than happy to watch him; or I could hire a live-in nanny.  I just really liked his DC and thought that the social interaction would be good for him.  I know that my parents and ILs would just spoil him.  But now I'm super distracted at work and feel like crying every day when I go pick him up and sees that he is dirty, hungry and unhappy.

It's not the DC's fault at all.  We all watch him throughout the day on webcam and his teachers do a fantastic job with him - but nevertheless, he is just one kid and they can't focus on him ALL the time.

Thoughts?  Should I stick it out longer?  If so, how long?  Or should I just let the grandparents take over and/or hire a nanny? 

fryrat

Is there a possibility that he could go to DC for half days, or only a couple days a week? If he does half days, he would have time to settle down and get comfortable at home before it's time for bed, and also still have the interaction.

 Has he only been there 2 weeks? Some kids take a couple months to get used to the routine of mommy/daddy going away and being in a strange place, while some take to it right away. It's hard to say if you should stick it out, you need to trust your gut.

Part of the weight loss may also be the increased level of activity, they tend to keep the kids more interactive than if they were in a home scenario.

Reilly626

I would love if my parents would watch mine, use your family! Wish I could!

Crispity

I almost could have written this post! DD started daycare at 8 months after being watched by my inlaws and parents since I went back to work at 3 months. She goes three days a week, and my family has still been watching her for the other two.

She has had what seems to be a continuous cold since she started 7 weeks ago, and she has also had a stomach bug and a double ear infection. She has also had a really hard time adjusting, but she seems to be finally doing better. They have told me that she has had really good days the last few times she's gone, and yesterday was the first day that she didn't cry hysterically at drop off. Fortunately, she hasn't had any problems with eating, and I actually think that the daycare has been helpful in introducing finger foods.

The daycare situation is pretty much ideal. It's very high quality, it is on site at work so I know most of the other parents, the cost is subsidized, and I've been very happy with the staff. However, I am still considering pulling her out because I hate that she is sick all the time, I feel guilty that she's not getting more individualized attention, and I frankly think that we shouldn't be spending so much money when family is happy to do it for free. It still costs us almost 1000/month even though it's part time and subsidized by my company.

The reasons that I haven't pulled her out yet are that my husband strongly feels that the social interaction is good for her, and both my parents and my inlaws travel frequently, so we need to have backup care. My parents have been on vacation for 5 of the last 7 weeks! Honestly, if my family did not travel so frequently, I would pull her out in a heartbeat. I'm still considering pulling her out and just using vacation or drop in day care days for times when my parents or inlaws are on vacation. I really don't think that babies this age need social interaction. I think they are better off with one on one attention.

Right now, I'm thinking that I will most likely drop DD down to two days a week. That way, she is getting individual attention the majority of the week, she's exposed to a little less in terms of illness, and she will still be getting the social interaction that my husband thinks she needs. Good luck to you. I know it's hard!

emberlee3

DS always has a hard time with transitions.  Maybe your little guy is the same way.  I would try to stick it out for a month and then decide.

cedenton

Hmmm...I think I would give it a couple more weeks. 10 mos. is a difficult age to start DC because this is often when separation anxiety hits.

If you're comfortable with family watching him, then do that.  I mean, that's a crapload of money to save even if you choose to pay family.  

In your situation, though, I'd probably go with a nanny. Then you don't have to worry about how to address issues with family members.  Not a fan of mixing business and family.

We had a nanny for 4 months until she unexpectedly decided to move home and we decided to go back to DC.  It was SO easy!  No pick ups or drop offs.  Now that he's more interactive and mobile she could take him on playdates and to the park.

Make sure you're factoring in the cost of taxes and such when thinking about a nanny, though. 

traveltheworld

Thanks Everyone. And wow - Crispity, your situation does sound exactly like mine - down to the cost, parents/ILs traveling frequently etc.

It was so hard to get into this DC that I was so excited for DS when he finally did get in. And honestly I was getting concerned with how much my parents were spoiling him. But maybe I'll have a good heart to heart with them and see if they would be willing to make some changes, and then just let him go 2 or 3 days a week.

skibunny59

At 10 months old I would have your parents or IL's watch him.  Honestlty, for babies I think the one on one attention and constant cuddles and affection are WAY more important than social interaction with other kids.  There's nothing wrong with daycare and I know the daycare teachers try their best but to your baby it's a strange place and it is a big adjustment, especially since he's used to being watched by family members.

If it's giving you this much stress I would have the grandparents watch him.  I would try daycare again when he gets a little older.  (2 or 3).  This is what we're planning on doing.  My mom watches DD and I love that she gets the one on one attention that she wouldn't get if she were at a daycare.  But I do think the social interaction will be important so we will be putting her in a daycare a few days a week when she's older.

Good Luck!

skibunny59

traveltheworld:

Thanks Everyone. And wow - Crispity, your situation does sound exactly like mine - down to the cost, parents/ILs traveling frequently etc.

It was so hard to get into this DC that I was so excited for DS when he finally did get in. And honestly I was getting concerned with how much my parents were spoiling him. But maybe I'll have a good heart to heart with them and see if they would be willing to make some changes, and then just let him go 2 or 3 days a week.

Also, can you be a little more specific when you say that your parents were spoiling him?

Mustardseed2007

Kids don't play with each other at 10 months, they are doing paralell play until age  3 or 4 although at around 2 I think there are benefits to social interaction.

If I were in your situation and I had a choice:I would go the grandparent or nanny route and then sign your kid up for gymboree or some other music or activity class that the caretaker can take your kid to once or twice a week so that tehre is a different type of social environment going on that does involve other kids and involves specific developmental activities. I would keep doing this until 2 or 3 years old and then look at putting your kid some place awesome at that point.

Just what I would do in your situation.

traveltheworld

To answer PP - I think my parents are spoiling him by doing whatever it takes to make him happy.  For example, DS doesn't like bottles, so my mom would just let him watch TV whenever he needs to take a bottle.  He also gets inpatient with eating very quickly, and she'll sing and dance (yes, dance!) for him to keep him entertained while eating.  They rock him to sleep for every nap.  The moment he fusses even the tiniest bit, he gets picked up and hugged.  My Dad lets him play with all the phones, remotes, iPads and laptops.  DS has broken quite a number of phones and remotes by purposely throwing them onto the floor or wall.  I know he is young and throwing things is normal - but it's up to us adults to monitor what he throws!  I've mentioned this briefly to my parents before, but have never really pushed on it since I thought that DC would correc these types of behvaiour. 

plus12012

If you have your relatives watch him, maybe they could take him to a playgroup that meets in your area a few times a week. That way he'll get the socialazation of being around other children and still have the focus of a family member.