Travel Anxiety and Flying with A Toddler

ksnyder662

Hello all! I'm not sure if this is the proper board to post this (I didn't see another option that seemed more appropriate) but I need some advice. I apologize ahead of time for the length and rambling.

My daughter just turned 15 months old on April 30th. Last May when she was about 3 months old her daddy and I took a trip from eastern Kentucky to Southern California to visit his family. It was my first time on an airplane and it was a disaster. Our flight was delayed so we were stranded at a hotel in Charleston, WV overnight. I ended up getting food poisoning the hotel food and didn't get any rest. The next day I had to fight with the airline who told me I wasn't allowed to take unopened baby shampoo, powder, oil, lotion, Desitin, even pre-bottled Nursery water for formula, etc. on the plane with me after I had already called ahead of time and made note of items that were supposedly "acceptable" to have in a carry-on in certain quantities, of course. (These things wouldn't fit in our checked baggage no matter how hard I tried.) We had to leave some of it behind and they stuck litmus strips or something in her water which infuriated me. We almost missed the connecting flight because we didn't allow ourselves enough time to find the next terminal when we booked the tickets. At any rate nothing seemed like it was working out easily for us to make the trip and I stayed stressed about the return trip during the entire visit.

Fast forward a year later and they want us to come and visit again. I have since discovered I hate flying. I swore I would never do it again as it caused me a ton of anxiety and fear that I can't seem to shake no matter how many statistics people throw at me. My daughter is no longer an infant. She is extremely clingy to me and me only and weary of strangers (don't look at her or talk to her or she screams and cries). I've tried to reason with everyone involved and explain I do not think this is a very good idea but I'm more or less told "It's perfectly safe for you to fly in a plane and she will be fine, just do it."

I am at a loss here because I do not know how to deal with her on my lap for that many hours is such a confined space with so many strange people around. Last year all four planes we were on had so much turbulence we were not able to get up and walk around at all (not to mention one of the planes was a propeller rather than a jet). It's about a 10 hour trip with at least one layover plus it takes an hour and a half for us to travel to Yeager Airport from home and another hour to get from LAX to his parent's house. Needless to say I think her daddy and his family are rather irritated with me for trying to keep this trip from happening.

Has anyone out there had this issue and how did you deal with it?

law&order

Would your husband go with you on the flight? I'd say get your doctor to prescribe some Xanax. Take said Xanax. Let your husband take the lead with your toddler during the flight. If you can afford it, buy her a seat and put her in the car seat on the plane. As far as it being a long day of travel...I don't know how to fix that other than stay close to the airport in your state the night before you leave to cut down on travel time that day.

oliversmommy32912

I second Xanax. It's saved me from staying home on many vacations. It leaves me feeling relaxed but still in control of myself. It's a weird feeling. It's like I know in my brain I should be afraid but my body won't set off the chemical reactions to cause fear to happen.

jc&cat

law&order:

Would your husband go with you on the flight? I'd say get your doctor to prescribe some Xanax. Take said Xanax. Let your husband take the lead with your toddler during the flight. If you can afford it, buy her a seat and put her in the car seat on the plane. As far as it being a long day of travel...I don't know how to fix that other than stay close to the airport in your state the night before you leave to cut down on travel time that day.

all of this is excellent advice. something else to consider to cut down further on the bulk of travel is to ship your clothing to your in laws house. yup, we have done it now 2x and it is the BEST $25 bucks spent. The first time we did that, i went to old navy and asked them for a box they were going to toss out anyway. I packed (light, since we could wash if needed) and UPS took it from door to door for us in 4 days. We got on the plane with the kiddies and a diaper bag/back pack and checked the 2 car seats. Took a load of stress off of us. I realize you are not a big traveler from your OP however please don't stress about forgetting stuff like shampoo and soap. There are stores where you are going. Good luck!

fryrat

I'll just put it out there. You can do it. If LO likes to be wrapped or carried, you can VERY easily just put her in there. She will feel safe with all the strangers around, and you will be at ease knowing that she's not going to run off somewhere. Also, they will not ask you to remove the child from the carrier. They will ask you to put your hands in behind their back and such, then they will swab for explosives, that's about it. During takeoff and landing, they are NOT allowed to be in a carrier, so I would highly recommend the carseat for the plane. Also, if she's strapped in a carseat, she can have a fit if she wants, but at least she is restrained and safe, not going to get hurt by trying to wiggle out of your arms or running down the aisle. I second the comment about shipping items, I would do that again in a heartbeat. When I traveled, I sent a list of things I would need, such as diaper size and any misc things I could think of. They were purchased for me, and ready when I arrived at my family's house. Remember, the more items you have waiting for you when you get there, the less you have to lug around the airport, or even get to the baggage area when you've got a wiggly little one that you have to keep in check.

ktpaladino

Don't let anyone pressure you to do something you're not comfortable with, period. 10 hours is a long trip with a toddler, and you know what's best for your daughter too. Do I think you can do it? Yes. Do I think your trip will go smoother this time around? Yes. BUT if its going to stress you out to a level that's not healthy I just don't think it's worth it.  

kristennd

I made it very clear to family that they could visit us instead. Or even just Skype. Don't torture yourself or overthink it.

Dookie3211

I hate flying- without a kid- so I understand your anxiety. There's no pill, even Xanax, that's been able to help with it. My family lives in Philly and I'm in Chicago so I don't really have a choice but to do it, but that's only a 2 hour flight. 10 hours, including connections- there's no way. I think it sounds really stressful and not the least bit enjoyable. While I know there are parents that travel with their kids all the time, they are just different kinds of parents than me. You know yourself and your daughter- if this will be nothing but misery for you I think you are completely justified to say no. Also- there's probably a significant cost involved. At 16-18 months you would definitely want her to have her own seat. I took my son as a lap child at 8 months but now that he's walking I wouldn't even consider it.

I don't know why your husband is sort of ganging up on you with his family but I think it's really unfair. His parents can probably visit you much more easily and if they want to see their grandchild they can do what most other grandparents do- come to your house. I think they are being very unsympathetic to what it's like to travel with a toddler.