Returned to work and boss opposes limits. Help.

Shema N

I just returned to work following leave. There have been changes in my department and it?s the worst timing ever. Those in my position used to report to the department head (a ?family friendly? guy) who left our organization. His replacement has changed the reporting structure, so  we now report directly to our managers.

Most people in my workplace arrive between 8 and 9 and leave between 4:30 and 5pm. Those who have kids have rightfully set limits and leave promptly at 4 or 4:30 to get their kids. My manager on the other hand arrives on the later end around 11 and stays until 6:30 or so.

Upon returning I told her that I will now need to leave no later than 4:30 to pick up my kids. She has responded by noting that I need to change my childcare arrangements to allow more flexibility. I was speechless. Today, she raised the issue on her own again, suggesting that I search for a nanny. I told her that wasn?t possible and she said ?rushing out at 4:30 is not consistent with the culture of this place?. This is absolutely not true - the vast majority of staff are gone by 5pm although many log on later in the evening as do I.

I feel like she is trying to bully me into catering to her schedule. Before my maternity leave she always wanted to meet with me at the end of the day. But the schedule of a 62 year old woman with one grown child does not match that of someone at my stage of life.

Any advice for how I can resolve this situation?

Thanks for your answers everyone. Here are some responses to your questions:

I did not use the word ?rightfully? or say anything regarding how everyone else leaves to sound entitled (only did that on this board since I was venting). On my second day back from leave she asked me to meet with her at 4:30. That's when I noted that I?d need to leave on time by 4:30 to pick up my kids. In our subsequent meeting when she suggested I find "flexible childcare" I did note that I could work with hubby to coordinate - in advance - days where he could pick up the kids so I could say late. But that's not sufficient according to her. She wants me to be flexible to her schedule even if it entails her scheduling meetings on the fly.

I don?t know what HR policy is but that is a good point and I?m going to look into it.

There?s an entire back story here that is hard to convey over a message board w/o writing a book. The gist is my boss has a history of being a bully not just with me but with others in our department. The previous department head who left was trying to get her fired. He fell short b/c family circumstances prompted him to leave his position quickly...

I also forgot to mention that my meetings with her are never efficient b/c she is constantly distracted by her Iphone (taking calls from her husband, her daughter, her friends, etc.) or stops mid-sentence to start writing long emails, etc. So a meeting that she schedules for a half hour inevitably turns into an hour and a half meeting. I find it disrespectful of my time. To address this in the past I've gently tried suggesting that we meet in a different room so we would not be distracted by email/phone and could focus. That did not go over very well...

Anyway, guess I?m stuck for now so I deal and do my best not to get an ulcer! ;-)

(PS - I am searching for another job, preferably part time, but gosh it?s hard!)

Jenny952

By scheduling meeting promptly at 8:30. Haha just kidding, sort of. I think you need to sit down w her and lay out expectations. Here is when you are in the office and when you need to leave and how can you work together to ensure your work is done theb. If she tells you to get a nanny, just firmly her that childcare arrangements arent up for debate. Good luck.

MammaBear81

Did you have some sort of arrangement (hopefully written) to leave at 4:30 prior to returning to work?  It's hard to say "everyone else leaves early too" unless you know exactly what their situations are, and if there is no official company policy it's up to individual bosses/supervisors to approve or not.  Unfortunately just because your boss isn't "family friendly" doesn't mean she is wrong in any way.

TBH- saying that "people who have kids rightfully set limits" seems very entitled.  My job used to be more flexible (I got in at 7:30, left two days at 11:30 am and the other three at 4:30) but my position changed and that is no longer an option.  I am needed in the office during "regular business hours" so I either found a new job, or accepted that I would have to be at work until 6pm.

I don't agree with saying that your childcare situation is not up for debate, she can't require that you get a nanny, but there are plenty of centers that are open later in the day.  If you are not flexible, you might find yourself without a job.

snicksnack

 I worked on teams where they would try to schedule meetings at Seven I just blocked my calendar off till nine and it is blocked again at four so I can get out by five if possible.  First I would check your policies and procedures to see if your company has core hours that everyone has to be there and they can flex around that. Many places core hours are nine to three. After that i would have the meeting as the pp suggested. If that does not work i would consult hr about work schedules. I don't think it is unreasonable for her to require you to stay until five especially if day shift is technically nine to five.  Coming in at 11 would never fly in my company and expecting an employee to stay till 630 because the manager did not arrive till 11 wouldn't either.  Try not say other employees with kids rightfully so leave at four especially if that is earlier than the required five. Flex schedules are tricky because it is up to the manager in most places and there is nothing more annoying than working parents who act entitled to leave early etc because they have kids. I have had employees want leave at four or 430, whichI am fine with, But they also know that the core company hours for our team is eight to five So if someone schedules a meeting that lasts until five they are required to accept the meeting and cannot leave early that day. 

LoCarb

What are the core hours of work? Propose a schedule of an 8 hr day and do not involve other situations. Show that you are willing to work with them and your mgr may be flexible in return.

rubber_chicken

Is there a company policy on this, or an HR department you can speak with? What are the chances you can transition to a new team/manager?

whynotwhynot

Send e-mails and make it as apparent as possible that you are coming in early and being productive.  I would also try and work late one or two nights a week for awhile and hope the topic dies down with your boss.  I would coordinate which days in advance with my husband.

Reilly626

I'd go above her head to HR and work out times agreeable to the company.

financialdiva

wife07mom09:

you being a parent doesnt change what your job entails.

I am super lucky to have a family friendly place too but I do not deserve it  is just sheer luck right now. If my boss changes and will in 2 years that may all change. No one owes me.

 

to answer your question on how to resolve, well make alternate arrangemnts.  can you come in earlier? stay late some days?

Your husband do pick ups? 

This. You could also offer a 6 month trial to test it out before she decides to make it perm. I am also available after I leave and will often take work home with me to do after DS's go down.

RoxyLynn

LibraryChica:

Shema N:

Those who have kids have rightfully set limits and leave promptly at 4 or 4:30 to get their kids. My manager on the other hand arrives on the later end around 11 and stays until 6:30 or so.

If you said something like this I bet she got her back up -- it sounds pretty entitled. 

What I would do is separate your kid from the conversation -- your status as a parent has exactly zero to do with your work hours. Flexibility is at the discretion of the employer. Is there a policy on core working hours? An upper-level manager you can appeal to if you two can't reach an agreement? 

Every single word of this.  Many employees arrange their childcare to fit their work hours, not the other way around.

aeh72

Reilly626:

I'd go above her head to HR and work out times agreeable to the company.

In in HR and I would be cautious about doing this.  If your boss is singling you out for some type of unlawful reason, that is one thing, but HR's job is typically not to intervene with day-to-day business decisions of management, especially on issues as basic as working hours.  You may find going to HR puts more strain on your relationship with your manager.

I have to agree with others who say you're coming across as if you are "entitled" to certain working hours simply because you have children.  That doesn't mean you don't have the right to request certain hours, but your boss may feel that you are needed in the office later than you would prefer.  And, others' job responsibilities may be more accommodating to leaving early than she feels yours are. Try to have another conversation with her and talk through what the options may be for meeting her expectations and trying to deal with your family situation.  Perhaps you can meet in the middle and leave between 5-5:30, perhaps you can come in earlier and still leave at 4:30.  Perhaps your husband can do picks up a couple days a week.  Be open to working it out. Don't go in acting like she has to deal with your situation.  She doesn't.  If you can't reach an agreement that fits your daycare needs, you may need to find another daycare or another job.  It sucks but as working parents, those are those choices that we're often left with.

Shema N

Thanks everyone! I provided my response above in my original post.

*sparky*

I understand your dilemma and based on your follow-up information, it sounds like your boss has some of the same characteristics of my new boss.  Showing up 1/2 hour late for meetings, making other calls during meetings, dragging things out way too long, etc.  I think it is somewhat disorganization for him, but also he was flexing his muscles a bit at first to show he was in charge and I had to learn to deal with that.

I have a flexible schedule (which I had under my old boss) and my new boss is not a huge fan.  But I have learned that if I am proactive with him and try to meet him halfway then he is happy.  So I let him know up front which days I will be in the office and which days I have to leave early.  I also make sure that whatever he needs from me I get to him as soon as possible in the day to try to avoid the end of day meetings.

Ultimately, if your schedule does not work for your boss, that is for her to decide, so I would try to alternate pickup days with your DH or something like that so maybe just 2-3 days a week you leave at 4-4:30.  If that can't work for you, then I would look for another job.  If this manager wants you there late in the evenings then just saying no is obviously not going to be good for long-term employment.

cecilyandgautam

Are your hours officially noted anywhere? I had to fill out a form stating when my hours would be: 8:30 to 5:15 everyday. Can you work with HR to get your hours officially noted somewhere that your boss isn't at liberty to change everyday?

We're expected to be flexible when needed (ie - calling in to participate in an early or late conf call, come in a little early, etc) but we're given a heads up about that and if we simply can not rearrange our schedule, then we're not penalized as long as we're there during our official hours. 

I would try to make your hours official, not just this casual get in between 8-9 business.  

Mustardseed2007

*sparky*:

I understand your dilemma and based on your follow-up information, it sounds like your boss has some of the same characteristics of my new boss.  Showing up 1/2 hour late for meetings, making other calls during meetings, dragging things out way too long, etc.  I think it is somewhat disorganization for him, but also he was flexing his muscles a bit at first to show he was in charge and I had to learn to deal with that.

I have a flexible schedule (which I had under my old boss) and my new boss is not a huge fan.  But I have learned that if I am proactive with him and try to meet him halfway then he is happy.  So I let him know up front which days I will be in the office and which days I have to leave early.  I also make sure that whatever he needs from me I get to him as soon as possible in the day to try to avoid the end of day meetings.

Ultimately, if your schedule does not work for your boss, that is for her to decide, so I would try to alternate pickup days with your DH or something like that so maybe just 2-3 days a week you leave at 4-4:30.  If that can't work for you, then I would look for another job.  If this manager wants you there late in the evenings then just saying no is obviously not going to be good for long-term employment.

I think all of this is very good advice and puts it all very well. I'm a manager and I don't do this kind of stuff to my employees, but I know another one in our company who does. However, in her defense (and this may apply to your boss also) she is not oblivious to family problems if they are really serious. She's also not a horrible person, but she is demanding of her employees and when she came on she deffinitely was trying to mark her territory and was worse than she is now.

However, if you are a hard worker and are proactive about meeting her needs when you can, she will let you slide at other times to take care of personal matters. I think she wants to know that her people are committed to their job as well as their personal life.

But she is deffinitely hard to work for in many ways.  

BTW, if she suggests you getting a nanny again, I would counter suggest that you'd love to do that if she would give you a big fat raise. I don't know if cost is what keeps you from getting a nanny but if it's even part of it, I think it's a good retort (just laugh after you say it).

dfrederick

I would definitely check your company policies and call HR. 1st of all, she shouldn't be suggesting what you should do with your personal life, in my workplace that's a violation. Whatever your originial schedule is when you first started working with the company is what should still be in place unless the company has explicitly laid the time changes out on paper.