complete NEWB to adoption
CocoBellaF
member
Good afternoon, everyone!
I am a complete newbie to adoption. I pretty much know NOTHING about it, and I'm hoping to change that. H and I have been married almost 2 years. I am 26 (27 in Aug) and H is 25 (26 in Sept). we both work full-time jobs, have degrees, own our own little house. we've talked about starting a family once we pay off the rest of our student loans. we expect to pay those off in the next 2 years or less.
I have a few health issues that bring up concerns regarding pregnancy and labor. I am very small, and the way my uterus is shaped and tilted, my GYN has expressed worries that I may not be able to carry full-term or avoid miscarriages. also, I suffer from moderate PMDD; post-partum hormonal changes could prove to be disastrous to me. finally, I have severe anxiety about pregnancy and labor... at least for now. I know those things could change, and that I might end up having a healthy pregnancy and labor.
however, adoption has always been on the table. the organization that we are looking at using for adoption in the hypothetical future encourages (but does not mandate) that we sponsor a child through them before adoption. the child we are going to start sponsoring is currently not adoptable. however, we want to start sponsoring now to go ahead and build up a relationship with the organization and with the little girl.
I know that my family, and probably H's, will give us a really hard time if we decide to adopt instead of pop out our first child. but I really feel like this is the right thing for US. H is totally on board; he would like to have a biological child one day, but is leaving the decision up to me, since I would be the one carrying and birthing the baby, and I'm the one with health risks/anxiety.
any advice for a newb? like I said, this is totally hypothetical. I hope I didn't say anything to cause offense! I would love to hear some stories, thoughts, or advice from ladies (and men!) who have been there or are currently going through the adoption process.
Re: complete NEWB to adoption
Welcome. There's an FAQ at the top of the board with some good resources.
Post often!
Hi, and welcome to the board! May I ask how you came to decide on working with the agency you mentioned? I ask because I've never heard of an agency with such a strong push to have families sponsor children, and I'm automatically wary of any adoption agency/professional that's deviates significantly from the typical. They may be an awesome and highly ethical agency with a deep commitment to children in need who are not eligible for adoption, or there may be something else going on here. I strongly advise you to research this agency to be certain that they operate only in the most ethical of ways.
I highly recommend you start by checking out an introductory book on adoption, because there are so many different kinds, each with its own process. I think books like Adoption for Dummies or The Complete Idiot's Guide To Adoption (which I used) are a great place to get started. They provide lots of basic information on adoption, the different types, the processes, and how to research an agency. Other good books are The Complete Adoption Book and You CAN Adopt. Any of these will help you decide which type of adoption best ?fits? your family.
If you then decide that domestic adoption is right for your family, you?ll need to find a good agency or decide to pursue an independent adoption. I highly recommend researching any agency you are considering to make sure it abides by ethical standards. For domestic agencies, a great place to look them up is on the yahoo group called "AARD" (Adoption Agency Research ? Domestic). That group is dedicated to giving honest feedback on agencies. You can ask about the agencies you are interested in directly, and also search their archives and files.
If you choose international, you?ll then need to pick from which country. The US Department of State's website lists the requirements to adopt from each country (https://adoption.state.gov/). I always recommend you find a country that you wish to adopt from first, and then chose an agency that has a strong program in that country. There are some great agencies that have some really strong programs in countries they've been working in for some time...and some fledgling programs in countries that are new to them. Even though these agencies are generally highly recommended, their newer programs may not work as well as those that are more renowned, because they haven't had the time and experience to figure out all the kinks, establish strong contacts, and become aware of all the pitfalls. It's also a good idea to find an agency that has a strong program in more than one country you are interested in. Adoption programs can be very volatile, as they are dependent on the laws of multiple countries/compacts, diplomatic relations, public perception, etc. It's not unheard of for a country to drastically slow down their process or close entirely, and if your agency specializes in more than one country you are interested in, you should be able to transfer to another program with limited difficulty or cost (you should make sure of this when interviewing agencies). The yahoo group "Adoption Agency Research" is a phenomenal resource for vetting agencies, and works the same way as ?AARD.?
Good luck!