Pregnant again with PPD

Elli143

I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I am going through PPD. My DD was born 7 months ago and it has been the absolute worst 7 months of my life. Breastfeeding was a disaster, so I EP'd for 6 months, which was probably a terrible decision for me in retrospect. I was chained to the pump for over 6 hours a day and utterly miserable the entire time. I decided to put DD in part time daycare a couple of days a week when she was about 4 months old to give me a break, and that resulted in a string of illnesses that made both DD and me sick for 40 days straight. Which doesn't include the bout of flu we all had in January and the hand foot and mouth disease we all got in April, which is when I decided that I had to pull her out of daycare because the illnesses were killing me.

My mom decided to let me know a month after DD was born that she really doesn't like my DH and got into a huge fight with him that has left me stuck in the middle ever since. I desperately want to go back to work but I've lost count of the number of times my mom has said, "Don't let DH stay home with the kids, he'll want alimony AND child support if you do." I've never once considered divorcing DH, but my mom likes to say this a lot (she's on her third marriage). 

A week and a half ago my mom called me and said, "Don't have any more kids with DH until you go through counseling together. Two kids is so much harder than one, and you need to work out your issues with him." For the most part DH and I are great, but when we fight he doesn't speak to me for days, which when I'm home alone with a baby all day is emotionally devastating. But I shrugged my mom's comment off for the most part, since we weren't planning on having more kids for a while anyway.

I found out I was pregnant the very next day. I've cried every day since. One kid has been so effing hard, having two is enough to put me on the verge of panic attacks.

On Friday I started bleeding heavily, and I was bleeding so much I assumed it had to be a miscarriage, and I felt a huge weight lifting off of my shoulders, like I could finally breathe again. But then the bleeding stopped. Yesterday I saw my doctor and he confirmed that I am still pregnant, but I have a subchorionic hemorrhage which was causing the bleed. So now I'm not only still pregnant, but I'm also high risk.

DH is thrilled that I am still pregnant. There is not a single shred of me that wants this baby. I've been told that I should be on pelvic rest, and the first thing I want to do is start running up and down the stairs to aggravate it. It's so effed up. I want my old life back so much. I haven't had 8 consecutive hours of sleep since DD was born. I can't go through another newborn stage when my 7 month old still wakes up 3 times a night. I didn't think abortion was an option for me, but I find myself thinking about it a lot now. DH has said if I want an abortion he would support me, but he is so excited about another baby that I don't think he would really forgive me. He doesn't understand why taking care of the baby is so hard for me. 

Ardmhs83

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  Having a baby, nursing and having PPD does effing suck!  Big time!!  I've been there...suicidal thoughts, hospital visits and all.  I NEVER thought I'd feel better, but I do.  Only because finally seeing a therapist and a phsyciatrist for proper meds saved my life. 

I suggest speaking up now...talking to your dr ASAP.  A lot of women NEED meds while pregnant and they can save your life.  I know having 2 under 2 will be hard, but with proper counseling for you (and your husband...since you all tend to get into fights to where he doesn't speak to you) and meds things can be better. 

As far as your mom...personally, I'd tell her to back off!  I wouldn't want to be around her negative energy...it isn't helping your mood at all.  Also if your DD is 7 months old...have you tried any sleep training?  We did Dr Ferber with my DS and it worked wonderfully!  Thank God...I could not take the not sleeping and getting up every freaking hour anymore!

Just speak up...talk to your DH and get into therapy and try meds.  Also run all this by with your OB as well.  Best of luck...the rain does eventually turn into sunshine...it may take a little while, but I promise with professional help...it WILL get better!

ghostof5letters

How are you feeling? My heart breaks for you reading this post and it was two weeks ago. 

Divallyn

I hope you are doing well. 

Are you on meds? If not I would talk to your doctor ASAP and start seeing a counseller alone and as a couple. I know it's hard to do anything but you have to try to be as pro active as possible. I wouldn't stop making appointments till I was better, I saw a doctors, a naturopath, chiropractor and acupuncturist as I wanted to feel better fast! 

I really suggest a naturopath though. That made a huge difference for me as soon as I went on all the vitamins and supplements she suggested I felt a world of difference.